Emerald39

Happy New Year, everyone!

Okay, Part 3 is now up; a good way to leave some suspense on the story, and honour DR for his dedication to writing. 

Also, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but putting up the Nocturne has been delayed a bit; I'm going to copyright it so I don't lose it, since I really like the piece. It'll take some time, so sorry about this; I will aim to upload it as soon as possible. 

Part 2 is now up; it's shorter, but a good build-up to the ending I've envisioned. 

Also, the Nocturne is very close to done; I have one movement left to write, so I'll sit down soon and write that within the next few days. 

Just posted up part one of three for this story; I deduced from his own submissions that DR really liked to write emotional and vivid works, so hopefully that embellishes it somewhat. 

Also, to update on the Nocturne for DR, it is now 2/3 complete; I will try to aim to have it finished and uploaded before the New Year. 

@The Illuminati, I was wondering, as well as my own written submission on our submission forum, may I be allowed to submit the Nocturne I dedicated to DR on this forum when it's finished?

I feel so torn up inside about this. I may not have known him as long as Naifu has, but I recognised his creative spark and his kind, caring nature for all people; he seemed to be very learned, skilled and proficient in his art, and a truly inspirational person. To have someone like that pass away ... I don't know what to say. The forum, I feel, won't be the same without him. 

The entire RWBY soundtrack; enough said. Caffeine and Neon are my two favourites. 

It is with deep regret and sorrow that I must inform everyone that DR has just passed away:

https://vatoto.com/forums/statuses/user/31583-diabolical-rhapsody/?status_id=69841

 

He's been a very dear friend of mine for the past four years, and will be missed greatly.

May he rest in peace. I didn't know him for long, but he seemed to be a great writer and a truly caring individual when it came to creativity. He will be dearly missed. 

Also, if it's not too sensitive of a subject, may I ask as to what he died from?

You know I've been meaning to ask, why the fascination with gemstones?

I'm not entirely sure myself, but I have a few ideas as to where that fascination came from.

One would have been through my younger brother. He was an avid fan of gemstones, and had a massive collection of them in his room, so I always loved looking at them. Their formation and lattice structures were always so alluring and mesmerising; and since green has always been my favourite colour, I naturally got drawn to emeralds. 

I would reckon though, the main interest for gemstones probably came through my early reading as a child, since I came up with the character of Emerald in Year 3. I had read the entire series of Deltora Quest at that point, whose main plot device was gemstones; as such, I feel that also attracted me to them as well, and once again my love of green subsequently followed to emeralds. 

I hope that gives some insight into my strange fascination for all things unusual. 

 

...should we each explain the meaning behind our respective poems? 'Cause I think that will help in providing advice to those of us who aren't as skilled in poetic art. 

Yeah, mine, I feel, may have been hard to understand because I like to be quite vague in my imagery.

My poem was inspired by Ted Hughes' The Thought-Fox, particularly on the idea of an extended metaphor to describe cognitive experiences. I tried to portray my personal experience of inspiration, through the metaphor of a team of explorers discovering a gemstone cavern deep within the earth; from there, it becomes somewhat spiritual and almost mythical in its descriptions, in order to create a tangential link between the image and the idea of the mind. I felt that most of the imagery I used was very mythical in the sense that the entire image was so fantastical and devoid from reality, but I didn't necessarily see it as detracting from the message. 

As for the syllable pattern, it was a simple 10-8-10 pattern in each triplet stanza. I thought I wouldn't try to mess too much with meter, since the only ones I know are ancient hexameter and pentameter, which I wouldn't feel confident enough to try to implement. 

I hope this will help to understand what I was aiming to achieve in my poem. Any extra feedback would be greatly appreciated. 

That's understandable. I'm still in exams at the moment, so I know that feeling. 

Uh, The Illuminati, it's been a week; are you going to give your final thoughts soon?

Since poetry really isn't my forte, I'm not sure what to look for as far as reviews go. Emerald, any tips?

Well, I've read it, and it does certainly both fit the category of the mind and tell a gripping tale; I especially like how you've set a light-hearted syllabic meter to something so dark and twisted. If there was anything I'd have to critique about it, it would be that the subject seems to be too directly told; and there are times where there are unnecessary words in there, such as "actually" in Line 5. 

However, do consider this, The Illuminati: there is technically no incorrect way to write poetry. Some poets are more indirect and complex in their subject matter e.g. Coleridge, and other are more direct and simple e.g. Wordsworth. You do not have to always think that feedback is absolutely essential to poetry, as this is how you decided to write it, rather than how someone else would write it. 

I hope that I've provided some food for thought. 

Crystal Caverns

Another night had graced this grove,

Secluded, beyond Reality’s realm,

And now begins to grow again;

Another hole has surface broke:

One of many, but one of substance, which

May abound with earthy riches.

The wall is ruptured; explorers

Swarm its halls, bathed in swimming ribbons of

Luminescence, gazing in awe:

A single shard hangs from above,

Dripping with glassy moisture, like melted

Refined ice, glist’ning in silence;

Light’s thin hands unveil the sacred

Cavern, shimmering with crystal

Flowers, moondrops, and patterned shards:

Solid streams of purity wind

Throughout palaces of vivid hue and power,

Reaching out with spindly branches.

Now, extending into the sky,

Flowers and soft shards, sparkling in true light,

Cloak the landscape, dripping Moon’s tear;

And that river stretched its tendrils,

Until even nine-mouthed Styx’s delta

Could not compete with true power.

Yet another world comes to mind,

Belonging to no one’s self, nor to mine,

Whose secrets lie as yet uncovered.

- Emerald

The challenge has now been posted on the submission thread. Also, with the syllable pattern, please state it at the beginning of your submission, so that we can check that the pattern is consistent; this is because it will take too long if we try to deduce it for ourselves. 

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Writing Challenge 2: Poetry

Theme: The Mind (mental or physical)

Stipulations: Stanza form. Some form of syllable pattern (e.g. haiku). 

General Rules apply (see above)

Challenge Specific Rules: 

- No set length.

- Stanza size and rhyme scheme up to individual.

- Real names and places are allowed.

- Try to post all in one part. 

Bonus Challenge: use metric feet, such as hexameter (non-compulsory)

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