the worst kind of pain a person can go through is being ostracized by society, with no friends to talk to, and a family that rejects them completely. people can get through all kinds of horrible situations if they just have one single friend who cares about and understands them (or at least tries their best to understand). but even the richest, luckiest people in the world will soon start thinking of suicide if they don't have anyone with whom they can just be themselves.
poverty isn't fun in itself, but you often see poor people who do their best to help each other out and support each other. and this somehow makes many poor people much happier than lots of rich people who always feel like they're on their own, with nobody in this world who cares about them. because it's all about the money, the status, and the person themselves doesn't even matter and will often feel like they need to wear a mask pretending to be as happy as everybody thinks the riches should make them.
happiness can be measured by how many friends you have that you can both cry and laugh together with. any other factors only decide how long a person is likely to live if accidents don't happen.
telling suicidal people how many reasons they have to be happy (all material, huh), doesn't help at all. if those were good reasons to be happy, they wouldn't be feeling suicidal in the first place, so obviously people's reasons for happiness lie elsewhere.
its a choice everyone chooses to make. recently my dads boss suicide himself and it didn't affect me in the least bit and i honestly didn't care but im sure his family cared enough. he hanged himself and week after the family invited all coworkers to the funeral but my dad didn't go. anyways point is it's a choice! there is always another way you just have to keep on living and hope things will change for better or for worse.
A friend of mine did, I do miss him. It's one of those things that is always in the back of your mind even years after it happened.
The people that are close enough for you to care whether they would be happy or not with you gone not only would not be happy but probably be devastated, as well as several others that you don't think they care but actually do (there are more of those than you'd think).
It leaves everybody who cared about you thinking that they should have paid more attention, that they could have done something, that they should have done something.
If I had him back I would punch him in the face for even thinking about doing it, then punch him in the face again for not talking to me about it, then give him a hug and tell him I'm sorry.
'...if you are not like everybody else, then you are abnormal, if you are abnormal, then you are sick. These three categories, not being like everybody else, not being normal and being sick are in fact very different but have been reduced to the same thing'
-Michel Foucault
... Yes. What could one expect, I loved them dearly.
I has sad noa ;_;.
-fail
-acquire experience
-use experience to improve behaviour
-succeed
---------------------------------------------------
"The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself." -- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Anti I hope there comes a day when you find and have something better than that thing you long for but can never have. Life doesn't come with any guarantees but sometimes (good) sh*t happens.
I personally have a deep distrust of suicidal thoughts. Although I've always been more anxious than most people I know, and sometimes depressed, a few years ago a much more profound kind of depression moved in. Since then it's never completely left. Because most of my life I felt very differently and my enduring values formed when I wasn't so depressed, I find the lies depression tells me very alien. I struggle some every day to be a bit less depressed. I hope that some day it will be completely gone--that I'll be able to concentrate as well as I used to, think as clearly as I once did, and feel real joy and contentment again.
I don't know what it would be like to have lost hope in my teens and never gotten it back. It seems like it would be really awful, but what do I know? The idea that thinking about suicide might become normal gives me cold chills. Perhaps that's because, for me, it would mean I'd surrendered to this disease. Not everyone feels that way and I respect that.
I personally have a deep distrust of suicidal thoughts. Although I've always been more anxious than most people I know, and sometimes depressed, a few years ago a much more profound kind of depression moved in. Since then it's never completely left. Because most of my life I felt very differently and my enduring values formed when I wasn't so depressed, I find the lies depression tells me very alien. I struggle some every day to be a bit less depressed. I hope that some day it will be completely gone--that I'll be able to concentrate as well as I used to, think as clearly as I once did, and feel real joy and contentment again.
I don't know what it would be like to have lost hope in my teens and never gotten it back. It seems like it would be really awful, but what do I know? The idea that thinking about suicide might become normal gives me cold chills. Perhaps that's because, for me, it would mean I'd surrendered to this disease. Not everyone feels that way and I respect that.
the feeling can pass. it's possible to get back into a place where depression doesn't eat up all your joy of life, and suicidal thoughts become a memory of the past. i know people who have gotten through it, many have had to hit the bottom before managing to start looking up again. i've worn myself out so bad with unnecessary worries that anxiety and depression could only offer suicide as a solution, and they reminded me of that nearly every minute of the day, and as much of the night as they could get through keeping me awake. suicide hasn't been a choice i'd make after i got my daughter, though, so in the end i just had to start fixing things so she wouldn't have to deal with a zombie for a parent. by then, i'd been living without any hope for over ten years, but after finding the key i managed to fix myself up better than i've been since... as long as i can remember, probably.
i still have ups and downs, a whole lot of very deep downs, but the solutions i see are different. instead of seeing only the end and wishing for it, i'll look for ways to get back up again and remind myself that life is wonderful no matter if i can see it right now or not. getting there took a whole lot of painful being true to myself and honest about everything that has gotten me into that bad place before. i also know people who have found their keys to happiness when they were way older than me, so it probably exists for you too. just don't believe depression when it says you'll never get away from it. using those keys can be painful and scary though. it's not always just changing the ways you think and how you see the world. for some people, it might be necessary to make changes that they could lose their family, job, or best friends over. or do things that most of society would see as completely insane, but only because they don't have the same experience as the person who does it.
there are also other reasons than depression that could drive a person to suicide. seppuku followed its own rules, and had nothing to do with a person's wish to die. for some people it might be lack of social acceptance. a very social person could just as well be dead if they don't have a society to live in. for others, it might be severe physical pain, or a body that can't do what the person wants to do. many things of this type can be fixed, but only if those around the person actually try to understand and help find a solution that the person can live with. if that doesn't happen, suicide is a very understandable choice.
yes. as a person who chronically suffers from depression and anxiety myself, it's very hard indeed to allow myself to miss them but i've learned to remember the happy moments and let go of the hurt.
did there existence mean anything to you
of course. one of them was my cousin who was probably the only relative of mine who i hung out with a lot. we spent a lot of time together and went through shit and back.
would you have them back
i would love to, but if they found peace in death i'm not going to be selfish so far as to want them back. people always say "oh i think his/her family are extremely sad". that really fucking grinds my gears. like somehow they can't fathom his death if it's not in terms of other people's grief.
or are you more happy without them?
im not happy without him. im happy for him. it takes a lot to drive someone to go against the basic instinct of self-preservation. i've seen what he struggled with. one can only imagine what sorts of emotions a depressed person really feels when death seems better than living.
When I was younger, I saw cynicism as some kind of cleverness, but now I see it for what it is–bitterness.
It takes a lot to shut that cynic in me, the one that keeps telling me things won't get any better, but then I remember that it always does get better. Others might think my acheivements over those struggles are small and pathetic, I still think they're some of my biggest victories. Though I do admit that sometimes I indulge in these thoughts. Sometimes I think depression its darkness is a bit like coffee or maybe cigarettes. Once you get used to the bitterness, you'll look for it. Then you'll enjoy it. You'll enjoy it, even when it's gotten to the point where it's become an unhealthy fascination. I'm quite guilty of this; I think I've developed a taste for the melancholy.
When that happens, I recommend a jog and some good old sunlight. Maybe even a dog, or a cat, or a spider, if you are so inclined. Being physically tired can help, sometimes. It slows down a racing mind. Or spurs a dead one to life. And being accountable for a living thing creates purpose, at least for me. I guess that's what I do in when I get in that dark state. I find reasons to stay and remind myself of all the things I would have missed if I didn't.
A year or two ago, the suicide of a woman jumping onto the traintracks made headlines over here. Apparently she was in deep debt. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I've got a lot more to live for than she did. Also that doing it with a train is a bad way to go. It's gory, there's a lot to clean up, the train driver gets traumatized, people get held up on the commute and your family won't be able to see your face in the casket.
I am but a sissy. Not an empress yet, but it can wait a bit.
I wouldn't talk this freely if not for being kind of anonymous on the internet. That's one thing I like about that. But even so, we all have our topics we are uneasy with.
I wouldn't be able to talk about sex at all for example. I am at ease with suicide because this or that. Probably because I am not a caring person too. I wish I'd be at ease on every topic but that is not so.
Also, sometimes you need to speak about stuff to someone, anyone, except people that know you. It is interesting to read what people think on unconventional/taboo topics. While we are almost all wearing a mask here, this one is often far more honest that the ones we use everyday.
Mind, I am but a sissy.
The leaving ones, the living ones. It's sad for both right.
I am but a sissy. Not an empress yet, but it can wait a bit.
I wouldn't talk this freely if not for being kind of anonymous on the internet. That's one thing I like about that. But even so, we all have our topics we are uneasy with.
I wouldn't be able to talk about sex at all for example. I am at ease with suicide because this or that. Probably because I am not a caring person too. I wish I'd be at ease on every topic but that is not so.
Also, sometimes you need to speak about stuff to someone, anyone, except people that know you. It is interesting to read what people think on unconventional/taboo topics. While we are almost all wearing a mask here, this one is often far more honest that the ones we use everyday.
Mind, I am but a sissy.
The leaving ones, the living ones. It's sad for both right.
Sometimes, the kindness of people show up at odd moments.
Admittedly, I have only whisked through the posts here but there are some posts that have caught my attention and I have to agree with them.
Clinical depression should be taken seriously and whilst there may still be a social stigma from mental illness one should note that suicide is never the answer. There WILL be people who are willing to help. Life is a gift, my friend, and as such it should be treasured.
For me personally, I have never suffered from clinical depression and hopefully I never will. However, I would be lying if I had said that I had not seriously thought of suicide more than once in my lifetime. My main issue at the moment is that I am scared to death of failing, especially in my studies, I have failed a year once in university and the feeling of being a failure, the look of disappointment at my mother's eyes almost crushed me. Ever since then, I still carry that fear but only now I try to use it as a motivation (albeit, I still procrastinate) to do my best in everything I do.
Edited by Mad_Scientist, 14 September 2014 - 10:39 PM.
"I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that."
"I ain't such a saint that I can promise to risk my life for strangers. Neither am I scum enough to sit quietly by while people are getting hurt before my eyes"
For me personally, I have never suffered from clinical depression and hopefully I never will. However, I would be lying if I had said that I had not seriously thought of suicide more than once in my lifetime. My main issue at the moment is that I am scared to death of failing, especially in my studies, I have failed a year once in university and the feeling of being a failure, the look of disappointment at my mother's eyes almost crushed me. Ever since then, I still carry that fear but only now I try to use it as a motivation (albeit, I still procrastinate) to do my best in everything I do.
fear as a motivation isn't really very healthy. the fear of failing is an actual phobia ( shouldn't go untreated. you will always get the best results if you have no fear of failing, but are still driven by interest and the wish to learn. fear can make learning much harder than it needs to be, and can also hinder you from challenging yourself in areas where you have much more potential that the fear is letting you realize.
living your life for your own sake, and doing the things that you want to do, will always be a better motivating factor than the crushing feeling you get from the disappointment in your mother's eyes. maybe you won't become whatever your mother hopes you will become, but at least you won't end up feeling like you wasted most of your life doing things you didn't even like, just for the sake of... your mother? your life is yours to live, and it is important to make your own choices and stick with them because you know that's what you want to do. i'm not saying it's a bad thing to do what your mother wants though, as long as that is also something which you want for yourself.
Wow, it's been a while since I've visited the forums ... and this thread. So much has happened since then.
First of all, I'd like to apologise to the few people who saw/have stumbled upon my previous replies in this topic. I was extremely mean
with someone who didn't deserve any more pain.
It's pretty ironic, actually. I was mean with someone suicidal, and then a few months later, I myself have become suicidal. Here's my story, for the interested ones:
Spoiler
It was quite sudden. Stressed and worn out from all my relationships, obligations and how nobody seemed to give a single fuck, I went to sleep.
When I woke, I was lying on my bed, bloody. I had cut myself all over my wrists, stomach and a single, brief cut near my throat. My Dad found me right after I regained
consciousness, and I was sent to the hospital. I spent a few days being 'interrogated' by everyone.
- "Why would you do such a thing?"
- "Are you insane?"
and the best one, from my Dad :
"I never thought my son would turn out like this ... I'm very disappointed."
I was almost immediately sent to a psychiatrist after I was 'diagnosed' as a bipolar by my psychologist. The more treatment I got, the less control I felt over myself.
As if I was being forced to share my body with someone who had the desire to murder me. I'm having frequent panic attacks and the feeling of losing control
grows stronger with each day.
I just want to say ... sorry. Sorry to all my friends, I never meant to become like this. I want to get better. I really do ...
Sorry to everyone in this thread, too. If you can choose, look around you and notice how many people love you, alright?
Everything is in a flux, people in health will soon face illness, people in illness will soon have relief. Those that are happy today will soon undergo some sadness, and those that are sad will have happiness. Your situation will not be the same forever, if you are not in control today, there will come a time where it is.
All I ask is you is to, try this… pray to God, even if you don’t believe in God, pray to Him, talk to Him. Tell God that you know He is in control. Cry to him. Do this on blind faith and say, “All admiration belongs to you, if good comes to me its from you, and if some trouble comes to me its from you, I submit to you, and this situation to you.” Say this even if you do not believe in God.
And Live one day at a time.
“There is only one day separating me and the Kings. As for the yesterday, their taste of it has vanished, and both they and I equally fear what tomorrow will bring. Thus, there is only today. What will today bring?”
Suggestions:
Be in a healthier environment.
Help someone; especially someone in your situation.
Spend a day doing good deeds
Smile
Journal one good thing about yourself everyday. Did you do a good deed? Did some good fortune come your way?
Volunteer at a place or charity place.
See what are the responsibilities you really want to take on & those things that others can do, you do not need to over burden yourself with— prioritize, and don’t let other things bother you.
Do not let yourself become over stressed, and if you do take a break.
Know yourself and your body’s limits.
Create a schedule.
Exercise.
Ask for help.
Spend time looking at & contemplating nature.
It was quite sudden. Stressed and worn out from all my relationships, obligations and how nobody seemed to give a single fuck, I went to sleep.
When I woke, I was lying on my bed, bloody. I had cut myself all over my wrists, stomach and a single, brief cut near my throat. My Dad found me right after I regained
consciousness, and I was sent to the hospital. I spent a few days being 'interrogated' by everyone.
- "Why would you do such a thing?"
- "Are you insane?"
and the best one, from my Dad :
"I never thought my son would turn out like this ... I'm very disappointed."
I was almost immediately sent to a psychiatrist after I was 'diagnosed' as a bipolar by my psychologist. The more treatment I got, the less control I felt over myself.
As if I was being forced to share my body with someone who had the desire to murder me. I'm having frequent panic attacks and the feeling of losing control
grows stronger with each day.
I just want to say ... sorry. Sorry to all my friends, I never meant to become like this. I want to get better. I really do ...
Sorry to everyone in this thread, too. If you can choose, look around you and notice how many people love you, alright?
Spoiler
great going, dad. that's just like telling your kid he'd be better off dead...
don't worry about losing control. that's your psychologist putting weird ideas in your head.
if you don't feel better after talking to someone, find someone else to talk to.
therapist shopping is an important part of the process to get better. never use one who doesn't give you techniques to regain control.
some therapists can be harmful to some of their patients. don't let any do that to you.
Everything is in a flux, people in health will soon face illness, people in illness will soon have relief. Those that are happy today will soon undergo some sadness, and those that are sad will have happiness. Your situation will not be the same forever, if you are not in control today, there will come a time where it is.
All I ask is you is to, try this… pray to God, even if you don’t believe in God, pray to Him, talk to Him. Tell God that you know He is in control. Cry to him. Do this on blind faith and say, “All admiration belongs to you, if good comes to me its from you, and if some trouble comes to me its from you, I submit to you, and this situation to you.” Say this even if you do not believe in God.
And Live one day at a time.
“There is only one day separating me and the Kings. As for the yesterday, their taste of it has vanished, and both they and I equally fear what tomorrow will bring. Thus, there is only today. What will today bring?”
Suggestions:
Be in a healthier environment.
Help someone; especially someone in your situation.
Spend a day doing good deeds
Smile
Journal one good thing about yourself everyday. Did you do a good deed? Did some good fortune come your way?
Volunteer at a place or charity place.
See what are the responsibilities you really want to take on & those things that others can do, you do not need to over burden yourself with— prioritize, and don’t let other things bother you.
Do not let yourself become over stressed, and if you do take a break.
Know yourself and your body’s limits.
Create a schedule.
Exercise.
Ask for help.
Spend time looking at & contemplating nature.
some people have been subdued by "god". they have a right to be angry with him.
first step to get out of a bad place is often to get angry enough to deal with it, rather than let it keep you down.
nothing bad ever comes from god, that's one of the worst things i ever hear.
everything bad is either caused by nature (can't blame anyone for that), or people.
if it's caused by people, those people are to blame.
it's not a trial bestowed by a god, it's simply people being mean.
be angry if you have reason to. and express it.
that list you made, let me pick it apart for you:
Be in a healthier environment.
a whole lot of people can't choose their environment.
some will be railed back into their bad environment even if they run away.
just imagine a situation with abusive parents, in a place where parents are allowed to abuse.
how do you escape, find a better environment, when everybody will help your parents get you back?
and that's only one example of it.
some people will have to find ways to deal with a harmful environment. hopefully they have at least one friend to talk to, or they'll have to rely solely on themselves.
not the best piece of advice for people who are in a bad situation which they can't escape.
don't give it unless you know the other person has a choice. some will find it overbearing and lacking of any true care.
Help someone; especially someone in your situation.
if you don't have enough money to feed yourself, feed someone else.
the truest advice is to help yourself first, because only by doing that, can you give others any useful help.
you can still talk to others in the same situation though. sharing worries makes them less.
Spend a day doing good deeds
people who are too anxious to even leave their house, won't really find this doable.
others wish for the end of the world.
saving a kitten or puppy may be an alternative, but the responsibility could be too much for someone who isn't even able to take care of themselves.
for those who are able to do it, this may work. but some people have problems with always caring for others before themselves, these people will only be harmed by this piece of advice.
you could reformulate it to "if you want to help others, make time in your schedule for it. but remember to make time for yourself as well".
Smile
no. absolutely not.
if you are happy, smile. if you are angry, tell people. if you are sad, cry.
but never smile unless you have reason to. a reason from within. or upon order from your boss, that's also an ok reason to smile.
i don't want to se people in pain smile just because someone said that everything will get better if they just smile.
what does this do to a person?
they'll never get any help before it's too late.
that's the result you'll get.
fake smiles have no worth. don't give them unless it's for money.
Journal one good thing about yourself everyday. Did you do a good deed? Did some good fortune come your way?
this one actually makes sense.
but try to make it about what made you happy today. who showed or said that they care for you.
the feeling of gratefulness is a very big factor in happiness.
if you have reason to feel grateful for something, that is proof that someone cared enough to give you that reason.
you doing a good deed doesn't really prove your worth, and in the end, you may even suffer great disappointment when nobody ever expresses any gratefulness for your own good deeds.
so focus on the proof that you matter to others. all the things that make you want to give something in return, either to them, or someone else whom you may be able to help.
Volunteer at a place or charity place.
yes.
if you can, do it. particularly if you're jobless.
volunteer work always looks good on your resume, it's proof that you have a will to work. that you aren't jobless because you're too picky or lazy.
you'll also meet people who are really grateful for your efforts, because this is something you do because you want to, and not just for the money.
a great boost to anyone's worn down self esteem.
See what are the responsibilities you really want to take on & those things that others can do, you do not need to over burden yourself with— prioritize, and don’t let other things bother you.
Do not let yourself become over stressed, and if you do take a break.
Know yourself and your body’s limits.
Create a schedule.
Exercise.
Ask for help.
Spend time looking at & contemplating nature.
these are all sound advice.
for some of these, it may be good to ask a therapist for help.
an alternative to looking at nature, is to do something you can enjoy in solitude. cooking, knitting, sculpting, walking around the block if there is no nature nearby, listening to or playing music.....
the best help comes when your mind is at piece because of the activity, thus allowing you to contemplate all kinds of things. and if the things are stressful events happening in your life, the activity will keep the stress away while you sort things out in your mind.
if good comes to me its from you(God), and if some trouble comes to me its from you,(God)
nothing bad ever comes from god, that's one of the worst things i ever hear.
that list you made, let me pick it apart for you: I'm listing them for positive note for whatever toxic situation you me in, we tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and not giving up
Be in a healthier environment... Help someone; especially someone in your situation.(sometimes things happened and opened greater opportunities when you think that there's no way I could do that )(dont think that it's hopeless) Spend a day doing good deeds -> even a simple thing as a smile is a charity people who are too anxious to even leave their house, won't really find this doable.(you dont have to go out to do deeds, think that even the tiniest thing that is a help to others is consider as good deeds, eg if someone asking someone to help eg teach how to use quote tag ... help him or her out... others wish for the end of the world. saving a kitten or puppy may be an alternative, but the responsibility could be too much for someone who isn't even able to take care of themselves. for those who are able to do it, this may work. but some people have problems with always caring for others before themselves, these people will only be harmed by this piece of advice. you could reformulate it to "if you want to help others, make time in your schedule for it. but remember to make time for yourself as well". Smile (you dont have to force a smile, smile in front of mirror to give you motivation , smile for yourself no. absolutely not. if you are happy, smile. if you are angry, tell people. if you are sad, cry. but never smile unless you have reason to. a reason from within. or upon order from your boss, that's also an ok reason to smile. i don't want to se people in pain smile just because someone said that everything will get better if they just smile. what does this do to a person? they'll never get any help before it's too late. that's the result you'll get. fake smiles have no worth. don't give them unless it's for money.
Journal one good thing about yourself everyday. Did you do a good deed? Did some good fortune come your way? this one actually makes sense. but try to make it about what made you happy today. who showed or said that they care for you. the feeling of gratefulness is a very big factor in happiness. if you have reason to feel grateful for something, that is proof that someone cared enough to give you that reason. you doing a good deed doesn't really prove your worth, and in the end, you may even suffer great disappointment when nobody ever expresses any gratefulness for your own good deeds. so focus on the proof that you matter to others. all the things that make you want to give something in return, either to them, or someone else whom you may be able to help. Volunteer at a place or charity place. yes. if you can, do it. particularly if you're jobless. volunteer work always looks good on your resume, it's proof that you have a will to work. that you aren't jobless because you're too picky or lazy. you'll also meet people who are really grateful for your efforts, because this is something you do because you want to, and not just for the money. a great boost to anyone's worn down self esteem. See what are the responsibilities you really want to take on & those things that others can do, you do not need to over burden yourself with— prioritize, and don’t let other things bother you. Do not let yourself become over stressed, and if you do take a break. Know yourself and your body’s limits. Create a schedule. Exercise. Ask for help. Spend time looking at & contemplating nature. these are all sound advice. for some of these, it may be good to ask a therapist for help. an alternative to looking at nature, is to do something you can enjoy in solitude. cooking, knitting, sculpting, walking around the block if there is no nature nearby, listening to or playing music..... the best help comes when your mind is at piece because of the activity, thus allowing you to contemplate all kinds of things. and if the things are stressful events happening in your life, the activity will keep the stress away while you sort things out in your mind.
and thank you for elaborating them. for sharing your inputs as well.
ppl who have done this, do you miss them? did there existence mean anything to you would you have them back or are you more happy without them? that is all.
Thank you for initiating this platform for us to discuss.
Something someone somewhere out there cares for you but it just happened that "that" hasn't cross path with you yet.
Edited by dokidokiskye, 17 August 2015 - 12:20 PM.
Btw i think i should start with saying that improbably not gonna read replies longer than 10 lines.
ppl who have done this, do you miss them? no
did there existence mean anything to you no
would you have them back no
or are you more happy without them? no
Semms like im the douche here ...
Well ill make some points, as to why and stuff
Spoiler
Im generally someone who doesnt give a fuck about anything at all, wich got me into my own problems (more to that later). Well that and the fact that noone close enough to me has killed themself, so no i dont miss anyone.
Im a very "rational" person, and i have thought way too much about existence, death and the like. Soi can only see their existence as biological structures and death itself as the discontinuation of the biological functions of those structures.
They killed themelf for a reason, y would i wish them back? Just so they could end up in whatever situation they tried to escape from? Of course there are better alternatives, but i dont think i shouldstep in.
No i dont feel any difrent. If someone close to me dies (for any reason), it would probably change my lifestyle, but i dont think id feel diffrent at all.
Now to my story
In a time when things were more ... "chaotic" i had suicidal thoughts too. Cause of this is my general lack of interest in anything at all. I have neither interest in, what is, or could be in my life. And neither do i care about what other ppl think or feel.
After all in the grand scheme of things (im not religious), wtf does it matter. And you dont need totell me, that it matters to other people, orthat i should cherish my lifeor whatever. I know all the arguments and they dont matter, at all. Especially to a person that wants to kill themself.
Well anyways maby i should get to my fucking point. Wich is the way i dealt with it.
So there i was having suicidal thoughts, not wanting to live in this stupid world anymore. But i didnt actually care about the world or suicide (yeah rly, i even gota zero fuck policy). So i had to find a pragmatic solution.
Wich was finding sth that i cared about and/or forcibly creating that sth (wich is possible) and in my case i found someone i could call important. (on the internet, cause im surrounded by idiots irl and id say its easier to find someone important just because of the vastness of the net) And i talked with that person aboutit and they made me promise to not think about killing myself.
And thats pretty much what i did and still do. Keeping the promise not to even think about it. And aslong as you have some sense ofhonor or self respect left, that shoulddojust fine.
So if anyone thinking about suicide happens to be reading this. I dont give a shit. You dont have to give a shit either. Just fuck everything and live and stand by a law you set up yourself.
And if you want to reply, read the first sentence again (and i already forgot half of what i wrote, thats what happens if you dont give a fuck)
So if anyone thinking about suicide happens to be reading this.
I dont give a shit. You dont have to give a shit either.
Just fuck everything and live and stand by a law you set up yourself.
that's also a way to put it.
at least it's honest. much better than the "things will get better" that so many say so lightly.
sure, things can get better. but the reality of it is usually that you have to make them better yourself.
not caring is also a way to accomplish that.
i'll be who i want to be.
you can make all the limitations for me that you want, i won't care.
only i can make my own limits, i will care about the ones i make for my own reasons.
which means that some people will think i'm pretty queer. some may even find my existence offensive (how fucked up isn't that...)
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