DarkPrince

Nah, things just got heated because you both like christmas(assuming) that you both want it to celebrate on the right day. Just be nice and courteous to each other by giving each other likes, start it of by liking this post.   Huddled Together, Furtive and Vulnerable. Rats in a Maze

neon genesis evangelion

mareena that I forgot to post, thanks @TrapsAreG8 for reminding me and that art is goodo

Finally found a digital tutorial that actually helped me out with digital painting.

 

Quite happy with how this turned out! <3 I think this is my first attempt at line-less painting that I feel like doesn't suck.

Hi everyone! It's been a while and I don't know if I already posted it here but anyway...

 

Tehee~ 

Doc, what are these white scaly patches on my forearms?

Oh, you shouldn't worry too much about those. Just make sure that you have them checked within half a year, or there's a risk that... *checks date the question was asked* Know what, never mind.

So, I've sorta left this topic hanging for a while, mainly 'cause I forget about it all the time and also because it no longer feels very relevant, however I decided to pick up some of the slack today. And I do think the wait was necessary, because the reason for this is that I currently find this question very interesting:
 

Latest brilliant realization that could change your life forever?

Because, there IS something like this. It happened VERY recently, and it has changed my way of looking at myself and at the people around me. I'm partially proud of myself for figuring this out, and partially embarrassed that I haven't done so way sooner. So, buckle up and shut your pie holes, because this one's gonna be long.

The igniting event was at the end of last week, when one of my closest friends found a girlfriend. They've seen each other a bit prior, then taken a pause, but now it's official. Never mind the details, anyway. The point is - this made me a bit upset. "He's how much younger than me, again? And we've been single brothers-in-arms, and now he gets a girlfriend? And what about me? How is this fair?" You get the kind of thought process I'm conveying here. And I knew that I was going to end up this way, because I generally do when my friends experience joy in things that I haven't. And, the fact that I become like this, in itself, agitates me as well. "Why am I like this? Why can't I just be happy for them? Why is it that I can't let people be happy even when I'm not? Am I really this miserably petty of a person?"

This was during the end of the weekend, and it continued Monday. And I'm not even exaggerating - I was a complete mess the entire first half of the workday. It just wouldn't let go. I couldn't fake a smile if I was threatened by my life. I was considering if I could take the day off just for emotionally feeling like shit. My annoyance built slightly on the friend-plus-girlfriend fact, but mainly on the fact that I felt like such a failure who couldn't let things go and just HAD to obsess over petty stuff like when others succeeded and I didn't. This aggravating fact that I was such a sore loser in basically every aspect of my life. And after around lunchtime, I started to get incredibly sick of it, to the point that I went into crazy mode. I dragged up my own faults and flaws, all my prejudices, and slammed them in my own face. "Because I just CAN'T allow anyone else to be happier than me, or better than me at something, or reach certain points in life before me, right? Because I'm so goddamn SPECIAL, right? Because everything I do needs to be PERFECT, because otherwise what's the point, right? Because I'm just a little smidge better a person than everyone else, so everything going my way is only natural and something like this is completely out of the ordinary, RIGHT?"

And after a bit of thinking like this, it just dawned on me... This is exactly how I've been viewing myself.

When I was young, I had a very easy time learning. I still do, but it was more noticeable when I was a kid; I learned stuff quicker than friends and schoolmates. I was seen as a bit of a prodigy. And, the brutal fact is this: I eventually took this to an absurd extreme. In older years, I barely studied, I barely paid attention in school, because you know, I made it by anyway. I could get away with putting zero effort into something and still be great at it. I depended on my "special" status. How I was such a genius, how I was a special prodigy, how I was a bit better than the average person.

Except I wasn't.

Am I unique? Yes, I am. Just like everyone else.
Am I valuable? Yes, I am. Just like everyone else.
But, am I special? No, I'm not. Instead, I'm just like everyone else.

Realizing this felt enlightening, as well as embarrassing. I hadn't even been doing this consciously. But I can track down so many of my flaws to this precise type of thinking that I've been doing. Thinking that I'm some sort of key figure, some sort of main character. Sure, I'm the main character - of my own life. On the whole, no, not really. Everyone has their own path. Everyone is their own main character. I wasn't more important than anyone else in this kind of fashion; I just badly wanted to imagine that I was, and this has stuck with me like an invisible parasite. I read a lot of books and saw a lot of movies with main characters with super cool powers, and I so intensely wanted to believe like I was like them. Like I was some sort of Sherlock Holmes-level riddle-solving genius, for example, or whatever crossed my mind. Why couldn't I be? I was special, after all. They didn't put any effort down, and they succeeded brilliantly anyway. Why couldn't I be the same?

Imagine Karma from Assassination Classroom, if you've read it. In particular the arc with the school test, where he overestimates himself because he thinks he's the shit, does no studying and then places way lower than he expected to, just because everyone else put in a definite extra effort, and how this gives him a proper slap on the butt. My kind of thought process coincides very closely with his. The difference is that I'm not even as smart as he is.

This is why I became such a sore loser, too. Perfectionism comes into play. Hey, I'm the main character, so me losing is obviously unnatural, especially if it's something I'm good at. I also very easily become envious of people who are better at stuff than I am. Drawing, music, what have you. Because if I'm not the BEST, then what's the point? Even stuff I have no interest in, like sports, makes me frustrated to no end when I end up losing. However, the simple fact is this: When people are better at something, it's usually for a reason. And that reason is usually that they've put down way more time into what they're doing than I have. I won't automatically instantly be better at something than someone who's spent literally years perfecting something. I've been playing Rocket League with friends recently, and I get so pissy when they own me to hell and back; entirely disregarding, y'know, the fact that they've played the game more than five times longer than I have. It's really incredibly logical, thinking about it. And I've been thinking like a complete idiot, all this time. I've had a very egocentric view of the world. The interesting thing is - a lot of stuff I do, I only partially even do for fun. I mostly do it for recognition. I absorb compliments (and only compliments, not criticism) like a sponge. And I not only want it - I expect it. I do something, and I expect people to praise me for it, and if I don't get enough, I get pouty. Even on this site I occasionally browse my profile to see if people have liked my posts, like the egotistical idiot I am. (I shall, in fact, try to avoid doing so for this post, and for my posts from here on forward. See, observe how I'm already expecting people to suck up to me for writing this long and beautiful thing.) And I've thought all this time that I've been modest, that I've seen myself in a humble light, and I realize that a lot of it has been fake. I've always thought that I was something special, something a bit extra. This has been my actual way of thinking, without my even realizing it, and it's ruined so much for me.

In short?
I'm not special. I'm not a key figure. I'm not the prodigy hero I tried telling myself I am. I'm just like everyone else. If someone's better than me at something, it's likely because they've done something to earn it. If I want to be good at something, I have to put effort into it, just like everyone else.
And in the end, we are all just specks of dust in the wind.
And this realization has made me feel more relieved about myself than I think I ever have before.

So can I accept that my seven years younger friend found a girlfriend before me?

Yes. I can, in fact, do that now. Because I'm not more important than him. I'm just like everyone else.

Phew, that really did get pretty long. And I still don't think I got everything down that I wanted. e_e
 

What's the meaning of life?

Coming to terms with yourself and cooperating with people. That's what I think it is. Also, I suggest considering the spiritual; I believe everyone has the need to believe in something, in their life. They might just not be aware of it yet.
 

Why does this thread not have more questions?

Because people haven't asked any more questions in this thread than the ones that are already here. *adjusts wiseguy monocle*

i feel sad

i've broken one too many laptops

from this point on i vow to be as cleaned and organized as i can be

http://boingboing.net/2016/05/25/googles-former-design-ethi.html

 

 

Went to go watch Your Name (Kimi no Na Wa) with some friends, and did a painting afterwards lol

Drew A2 from Nier: Automata!

19

anyone who knows kayley can relate.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway...

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway..." 

 

-Mother Teresa 
 

i already know what im gonna call my son if i get a son someday, it will be Arthur. king arthur motherfuckerssss

 

or id call him this, just to mess with him

 

ToD

KebABS are best abs