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Sessions With the Deranged


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49 replies to this topic

#1
wEr4

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Hmm...My first topic after my intro thread...

This is just an idea I thought up long ago while doodling in class and then I don't know...It involved into something I guess :3

I hope you guys like it OTL

Prologue:
Spoiler


Chapter One:

Spoiler


Chapter Two:

Spoiler

Edited by ╚¡ƒéŠ JƱ¡ƆƐ, 28 September 2012 - 05:25 PM.

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#2
Maia

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Very nice detail, Dubs. I can't wait to see mor eof what you ahve for it.
~Huggles.~
MOAR!!!

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#3
wEr4

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Awa...That was fast >_<

Thanks Maia. :3
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#4
Maia

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Of course it was fast.
I've been making sure to check this area quite frequently to see what new creations there are.

You're welcome.
I really do hope to see more come of it.

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#5
Autumn

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Nice :)

*Ninja'd since... 2011*


Also... can't seem to do calculations properly

 


"Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne blessent mon coeur d'une langueur monotone" (Paul Verlaine)

-> if you're bored and don't know french, you can always try to (google-)TL this^^


#6
Aarti

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Good! I especially think you did a pretty good job in describing the surroundings.
I'm definitely loving the prison setting.

It has me wondering where it will go from here.
I need more!

#7
wEr4

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Thanks you guys so much. The encouragement means a lot.
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#8
Maia

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~Huggles.~
I'm proud of you.
Keep up the good work.

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#9
wEr4

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*Hugs back* Thanks, Maia :>
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#10
annihilator

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i like the mystery surrounding the environment and the characters.. especially the doctor..
keep up the good job!

...m y a l t e r e g o...


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#11
Maia

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He's really good at this.
Poems, stories, its so awesome!

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#12
wEr4

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Hahaha. Thanks Maia.

And Anni...xD
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#13
pizhhh

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Eh. Why did I see this just now?!?
I should learn describing details from you.

#14
Maia

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Dubs, you need to put moar out soon!!


Pizhhh, have you been reading Dangerous still? Its been updated.

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#15
wEr4

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Eh. Why did I see this just now?!?
I should learn describing details from you.


Oh lol. Thank you for such kind praise. OTL

Dubs, you need to put moar out soon!!


Pizhhh, have you been reading Dangerous still? Its been updated.


Sorry >_< My notes kinda nearly got deleted but I went into complete berserk mode and managed to recover them today. I'll work on chapter 1 now :3
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#16
Frost

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Very nice!

I especially liked the descriptions in the beginning, that was a good introduction, had the frankenstein vibe to it. And like I said
before I love imagery so the crackle of thunder, the flash of blue lightning, and the rustling of the grass was great!

I'm a big fan of the Percy Jackson and the Olympian series so that part about the Roman Goddess of sanctuaries was intriguing,
out of all the gods and goddesses in the series I don't think I've heard of a Goddess of sanctuaries yet so I learned something new!

One small thing I noticed was this excerpt:
“...Ms. Xavia will show you the way to your office, Doctor.” She said, and at the moment a slender youth of remarkably dull dark hair yet bright blue eyes entered the office. Xavia seemed to be a young woman in her early twenties and was wearing a bright white top with a matching black skirt that went down till her knees.

I feel like it should be "wearing a bright white top with a matching black skirt that went down to her knees". But that's just me, I don't know if there's anything wrong with your sentence grammatically. It's super minor though sorry for being a grammar natzi :\


Anyways
Interesting plot, mysterious characters and a dark setting I like it so far :].
Keep it up!

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#17
Maia

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I can't wait until he is able to post some more!

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#18
Frost

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Yep I finally have some free time on my hands so I'll start reading everyone else's works, starting with yours Maia >:]

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#19
wEr4

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Umm...Chapter 1 is up after I finally managed to get a bit of my notes back and work on them. However, I had to work on the chapter again and I still think the version of it I wrote earlier was better :/

Very nice!

I especially liked the descriptions in the beginning, that was a good introduction, had the frankenstein vibe to it. And like I said
before I love imagery so the crackle of thunder, the flash of blue lightning, and the rustling of the grass was great!

I'm a big fan of the Percy Jackson and the Olympian series so that part about the Roman Goddess of sanctuaries was intriguing,
out of all the gods and goddesses in the series I don't think I've heard of a Goddess of sanctuaries yet so I learned something new!

One small thing I noticed was this excerpt:
“...Ms. Xavia will show you the way to your office, Doctor.” She said, and at the moment a slender youth of remarkably dull dark hair yet bright blue eyes entered the office. Xavia seemed to be a young woman in her early twenties and was wearing a bright white top with a matching black skirt that went down till her knees.

I feel like it should be "wearing a bright white top with a matching black skirt that went down to her knees". But that's just me, I don't know if there's anything wrong with your sentence grammatically. It's super minor though sorry for being a grammar natzi :\


Anyways
Interesting plot, mysterious characters and a dark setting I like it so far :].
Keep it up!


Thanks for reading, Frost :D

Well, I'm not really a good descriptive writer. Sometimes my mind just goes...blank when I write such scenes and Chapter 1 doesn't really have much to describe. >_<

And corrected it. Thanks for helping out. :-]

I can't wait until he is able to post some more!


Sorry about the delay, Oka-chan. As I said...Lost a few of the notes =_=

Edited by ƒáκÉ Ä Š/v\¡╚ é, 23 August 2012 - 05:44 PM.

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#20
Maia

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Ah, Dubs, once again, you have amazed me in the detail.
I'm very impressed. I really am.

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