Jump to content

Primary: Sky Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Secondary: Sky Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Pattern: Blank Waves Squares Notes Sharp Wood Rockface Leather Honey Vertical Triangles
Photo

"Traitor! Coward!"


  • Please log in to reply
64 replies to this topic

#1
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts
So, this is something I wrote a year ago, and I received some feedback and encouragement leading to me touching it up a bit. (thanks to Maia and thearux. Go read Dangerous and Blue Delta if you haven't checked them out already. They are great!)

Sorry that it starts out so abruptly, I plan to flesh it out more as the story goes on (can't wait till I end up writing myself into a corner). It was a personal decision to keep the beginning as is from how it was written late at night/early in the morning last year. I welcome any criticism as long as it is constructive. If I made any spelling or grammar errors (i'm quite sure I did) please send me a private message with the details of where and how I messed up, and I will fix it as soon as I can.

Lastly, thanks for reading!

Chapter 1
The Traitor
Spoiler



Chapter 2
The Escape
Spoiler


Chapter 3
The Pariah
Spoiler


Chapter 4
The Red
Spoiler


Chapter 5:
The Hunter
Spoiler


Chapter 6, Part 1:
The Princess
Spoiler


Chapter 6, Part 2
The Guardians
Spoiler


Chapter 6, Part 3:
The Magic
Spoiler

Edited by Orcraniil, 17 September 2012 - 11:03 PM.

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#2
Aote

Aote

    Fried Potato

  • Members
  • 713 posts
  • LocationCloud 8
Wow....Keep it up bro!

I support you all the way!

About that...


#3
Lalbutt

Lalbutt

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,365 posts
  • LocationMoving Castle
This is awesome orca! love the characters already :P

#4
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
I'm glad to see you post it!
I was hoping you would.
I can't wait to see the next chapter!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#5
Senesce

Senesce

    Potato

  • Members
  • 138 posts
  • LocationRivendell
Continue, onegai. :)
"Remember this always: the fly, even in paradise, must always exist on shit."
- Frances Pauli from The Fly in Paradise

#6
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts
Chapter 2
The Escape
Spoiler

Edited by Orcraniil, 22 August 2012 - 12:35 AM.

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#7
Anju

Anju

    Potato

  • Members
  • 154 posts
  • LocationNot In Canada
TRAITOR!

Posted Image


#8
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
I repeat my earlier statement, just wow.

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#9
Lalbutt

Lalbutt

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,365 posts
  • LocationMoving Castle
woah this is awesome. update soon!

#10
annihilator

annihilator

    Couch Potato

  • Members
  • 2,035 posts
  • Locationnomad...
nice!!
like some kind of medieval era story...

Edited by chibilator, 10 August 2012 - 11:29 PM.

...m y a l t e r e g o...


Posted Image


#11
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Yeah, its going to be really awesome.
I'm excited!!!
WOOHOO!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#12
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts
I'm particularly tired as of posting this chapter, so if there are any major, glaring flaws, please tell me. I'll fix it ASAP.

Chapter 3
The Pariah
Spoiler

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#13
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Wow, Orcra! Oh my god!
FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Just... wow. Its perfect!
Absolutely perfect.
No visible flaws that I can see.
None.
Freaking fantastic.

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#14
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts
There is no way it is that good. I barely remember typing it up, the only reason I do is because it was a short while ago.

Though it is very encouraging to see you enjoyed it.

Edited by Orcraniil, 15 August 2012 - 02:58 PM.

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#15
Lalbutt

Lalbutt

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,365 posts
  • LocationMoving Castle
amazing orc : D i wanna see where this is heading~

#16
n/aㅤㅤ

n/aㅤㅤ

    Potato

  • Members
  • 157 posts
Wow, your style of writing is brilliant!~
The action scenes are perfectly executed~
=^^=

However, I feel that sometimes you switch between past and present tense, which feels a little awkward at times...
><"

#17
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts

However, I feel that sometimes you switch between past and present tense, which feels a little awkward at times...
><"


Thank you for the criticism. I'll try and fix it in the next chapter. Sorry if it made it more difficult to read.

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#18
Orcraniil

Orcraniil

    Russet Potato

  • Donator
  • 368 posts
Chapter 4
The Red
Spoiler

tumblr_n8afhdCGiX1sg8zvco1_500.gif

 

Spoiler

#19
Lalbutt

Lalbutt

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,365 posts
  • LocationMoving Castle
wow. i really like the storyline^^ and the plot seems to be getting better. i wonder what sid is exactly?~ keep it up!

#20
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Hee hee, I so can't wait to see what the next chapter will hold for Sid.
>^.^<
Keep up the awesome work, Orcra!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.