3212 replies to this topic

[God of LoL]

*Breathes* I can make cross-overs, too?!? *Breathes*

[naphack]

do whatever you want, I just wrote what went through my mind.
THis is a dump thread for stupid ideas after all I mean, the really good ones are mostly posted in other threads.

[GDP26]

Woah! I was gone for a few weeks and I never noticed this until I decided to view the forums xD

Those stories are so entertaining! So I wanted to contribute too! xD

I hope this passes the high standards set by the others!

Spoiler

Story 1:

The 21st chapter somewhat... Killed the chance for any more interactions/scenes between Viole and Rapdevil... So I can't help but wonder...

What if Viole really was the one who knocked on Rapdevil's door? Well... Here's my Take on that one:


"Just Communication"

(Bonus points to anyone who recognizes the title xD)

*Knocking Sounds*

Rapdevil: ... It's open

Viole: ...

Rapdevil: ...

Viole: ...

(Very awkward silence...) *insert cricket sounds here*

Rapdevil: ...(What is he waiting for?)

Viole: ...(Hmm... How can I tell him that I just metaphorically killed his employer's pride and then left him immobilized him inside a burning room with the girl who started the fire in the first place?)

Rapdevil: ...(Why isn't he attacking?)

Viole: ...(Now... How can I get this over with so that I can steal Ms. Yeon's connector and then hopefully kick that examiner's ass?)

Rapdevil: ...(This is awkward... I hope he attacks soon)

Viole: ...(Sigh... This is awkward... Wait, what did master Grace say about this kinds of situations?)

*Cue Flashback*

Grace: Today I shall teach you about the importance non-verbal communication!

Baam: Umm... Is that really important?

Grace: Of course! After this lesson you will take several levels of badass! You will be able to threaten people just by glaring at them! Your words... If you ever feel the need to speak after this lesson by the way... Will always sound awesome since you can already express so much just by standing there! Can't you see! This is what makes F.U.G. the leading criminal organization in the tower!

Baam: ...Criminal organization? I thought we were a resistance force fighting for the freedom of every one from Zahard's oppression?

Grace: (Urk! Did I really say criminal organization out loud!? Tch! I got carried away... However... I can still salvage this!) No,no,no, Baam... I just said criminal organization because that is how they view us... They Slander our good intentions! However! Once we win we can show them that we really are the ones on the side of Justice!! (Buy it Baam! Buy it!)

Baam: Oh... That makes sense...

Grace: (Yeah... I still got it! Hah! They don't call me the person who can corrupt anyone in the tower for nothing!) Ok... Now that you understand Baam let's begin! Lesson one: Always walk with your hands clenched as if you're angry... It intimidates more people that way...

Baam: ...Like this? *clenches fist*

Grace: No,no,no... Like this see? *clenches his own fist* You keep the thumb outside... If you keep it inside you might not be prepared to punch somebody's face when he annoys you... Seriously the way you do it seems a bit... Wrong... Did a girl teach you how to punch or something?

Baam: Err... Yes? (Damn you Rachel! First you betray me! And now I find out that you taught me how to punch wrong! Does this mean that everything else that she taught me was wrong too?) Umm... How about this? *clenches his fist again*

Grace: Good... Now can you feel it!? Your inner bad-ass!?

Baam: *sweatdrops* Err... Not really sir...

Grace: *sweatdrops* Hmm... Oh... You can't feel it huh... (Crap... how can I teach him badassery! It's natural for me!)

Baam: *depressed* Does this mean... I'm not cut out for F.U.G....? Should... I quit?

Grace: !!! (Damn this is bad... I can't afford to lose my new weapon like this! I have to think of something!)

Baam: *sitting in a fetal position, a depressive shinsoo aura covers the area* ...

Grace: !!! (Amazing! He can actually send some of his emotions using shinsoo! Is this a variation of the "Freezing technique"? I can't let him go for something as trivial as this issue! Damn! I need a way to teach him badassery! *sigh* If only teaching badassery is as easy as teaching him shinsoo... Wait! He can send some feelings through shinsoo! So maybe...) Baam!

Baam: Uh... Yes?

Grace: Copy this flow of shinsoo... *makes a certain shinsoo flow* ...And then try to expel it into the atmosphere while thinking about... (Hmm... What can possibly evoke a feeling of anger in him... Oh!) ...The Birds and the Bees Lesson!

Baam: The Birds and the Bees... *remembers his traumatic experiences and then releases his shinsoo in the atmosphere* Grahh!!!

Grace: (This... Hahaha! I am a genius! Truly I am the greatest Teacher in the world! Great Teacher Grace! Wait... "GTG"? that kinda sucks... Hmm... Oh!! Great Teacher Luzlec! "GTL" Bwahahaha! Truly I am A. GENIUS! Hmm... Maybe I should make a webcomic about that... An Ex-Criminal/Terrorist Group/Illegal Brainwashing Religion Leader who, due to some complicated circumstances, becomes a shinsoo instructor who goes out his way to help his students... Hmm... I'll think about that later...) Now Baam! Can you feel it!? The badass aura that you exude!?

Baam: This... Yes Sir! I can feel it!

Grace: Very Good! Let's call this technique: "The Ultimate, Extra Special, Impressively Awesome And Extremely Badass Aura of Intimidation which can PIERCE. THE. TOWER. ITSELF!!!" or "The STAY THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HWA JEOP GONG PA SULED INTO OBLIVION aura!!!" or how about--

Baam: *sweatdrops* Err... Umm... If it's possible...

Grace: Yes?

Baam: I'd like to call it: "Intimidate Zone" because you know... It kinda intimidates people... Within a certain zone...

Grace: Really? Are you sure? Because "The Ultimate, Extra Special, Impressively Awesome And Extremely Badass Aura of Intimidation which can PIERCE. THE. TOWER. ITSELF!!!" or "The STAY THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HWA JEOP GONG PA SULED INTO OBLIVION aura!!!" sounds WAY better...

Baam: ...Err, Yes?

Grace: Are you really, REALLY sure about your decision?

Baam: Yes.

Grace: Well, don't think that i'm forcing you or anything but really--

Baam: *panicking* I'm really sure sir!

Grace: Well... If you insist... *sigh* (Tch... This Brat... Has NO naming sense at all... To actually turn down my extremely awesome names and for what? "Intimidate Zone"? psh... NO NAMING SENSE at all... *sigh* You can't be good at everything I suppose... At least he's good at using shinsoo...) Well anyway... Using that "Intimidate Zone" of yours you can simulate the feeling of Badassery! Practice that until it becomes as natural as breathing! Are we clear Baam!?

Baam: Yes Sir!

Grace: See! This is what I'm talking about! It's not the coat that makes you a true F.U.G. Member! (Though it looks really bad-ass) It's the awesomeness! It's the Bad-Ass look/feeling that you release even while walking! Do you understand it now!?

Baam: Yes sir! I understand!

Grace: Good! Now for lesson two...

*end flashback*

Viole: ... (Let's see... Yes... Lesson 25 will suffice... Activate! "Intimidate Zone"!)

Rapdevil: ...!? (...This pressure! Is he going to attack!?)

Viole: *points his finger at Rapdevil* ...You

Rapdevil: ...What? (Is he trying to distract me!?)

Viole: ...Your boss... Fell by my hand... (Yes... This will work!)

Rapdevil: ...!? (Really!? If he's dead then who's going to pay me! Damn it! That guy is REALLY stupid! If he only stayed here then this wouldn't have happened! But noooo! "I have to fight a F.U.G. member because he stole my girl!" Goddamn that idiot!)

Viole: ... (Heh... It worked exactly like master Grace told me...)

*cue flashback... Again*

Grace: Now... Lesson 25: Point at your enemy and say some cryptic half truths to intimidate them! Bonus points if you somehow integrate your Bad-ass catchphrase in your speech!

Baam: Umm... Half truths? Wouldn't it be better if I just lie and say that I killed the enemy or something?

Grace: Tsk... You're still too naive Baam... Half truths are more effective than lies! If you just lie to their faces and if they found out about the truth then your bad-assery takes a blow! You'll lose credibility that way! You must make the enemy assume things! That way you can fool them and at the same time they can't blame you for that because they only fooled themselves! That's why Headon is feared by people even though he looks like a goddamn RABBIT! He can make people do stupid things like running to confront a steel eel to pop a ball for a test on the first floor and make it sound like a fair test! ...Though I don't think anybody would be that stupid...I mean seriously... A white steel eel? To guard a ball? On the first floor? Only insane people would take that kind of test... So now... Do you understand!? (huff... huff... that was tiring...)

Baam: (Urk... I feel really insulted somehow...) Err.. Yes sir! But why should I integrate my... Umm... Catchphrase too?

Grace: Because it intimidates more people! And it sounds much more stylish!

Baam: Ok sir! I'll follow your advise if the situation arises!

Grace: Good... Now for the next lesson! (Heh... It seems like I found a good apprentice this time... Now If only I can improve his naming sense too...)

*end flashback*


Viole: ...(Master Grace I sincerely thank you for all the wisdom you've imparted to me... It works really well!)

Rapdevil: ...*depressed* (Damn! What do I do now...)

Viole: ... (He looks really depressed... Maybe I overdid it? Nah... It's not like I was his best friend and then pushed him outside a bubble to fall to his death with an area full of dangerous creatures or something... Now THAT is depressing... Well I have to go now...) *moves towards the door*

Rapdevil: ...Aren't you going to kill me too?

Viole: ...You want to die? How foolish... (Holy Crap! I think it worked a little bit too well...)

Rapdevil: I have no chances of winning...

Viole: (Crap! What can I say to him that won't drive him to suicide but still sounds incredibly Badass? Oh! Wait.. I know...) ...Because of that you want me to kill you? Sorry, but you're not worth it. And to think that you have the gall to say that Mr. Hatsu lost to you... How Despicable... Get out of my sight.

Rapdevil: *beat* ...This is my room...

Viole: (Oh... Right... Oops! ...Wait! I can still salvage this!) ...I said get out of my sight, not this room. Instead of bragging, You should opt to fix your pocket, It's clearly broken if you can't even understand what I'm saying. (Come on! Buy it!)

Rapdevil: ...*speechless* (...Is he trying to trick me? No... that can't be it... He's too Badass for that...) *gets slightly depressed*

Viole: ...*walks out of the room* (Heh... Master... I did it! I successfully tricked someone!)

*Somewhere in the tower*

Grace: *Fistpumps* ...Why did I just do that? I wonder... Is Viole doing well? Haha! Of course he is! "I" taught him after all! GTL! HAHAHA!

Random FUG member 1: *sweatdrops* Master... Is laughing to himself again...

Random FUG member 2: Just ignore it newbie... You'll get used to that eventually...

Random FUG member 1: *sweatdrops* That... Is kinda... Sad isn't it?

*Back on the twentieth floor*

Viole: ...(Now which way is it to the bath house again? *sweatdrops*)

*In Rapdevil's room*

Rapdevil: Damn It! What do I do now! I don't have enough money for a new pocket! Goddamn loans... *mumble* *mumble*

*someone knocks*

Rapdevil: Who is it?

Lurker: It's me Kim Lurker...

Rapdevil: Why are you here? The Boss lost against Viole, He is probably dead by now...

Lurker: Heh! I don't care... I have a proposition to make...

Rapdevil: ...Wait

Lurker: What?

Rapdevil: If I do this Include at least a B-Grade pocket to my pay understood?

Lurker: ...Okay? (He's acting a bit weird today...) Anyway for this plan to work you'll need this ketchup...

Rapdevil: ...Understood (Ha! Take that Viole! I'm going to get a new pocket! Just you wait! I'll show you that even if I lose with my fists, I won't lose with words! I shall have revenge!)

*Near the bath house*

Viole: *sneezes* ...Hmm (I have the strangest feeling that someone slightly stupid is planning something against me... Oh well! I have to pass this test first...)

Love: (Hmm... He's here at last...) To choose a battle with Me, A ranker... Is it because you're confident that you can win? Or is it because you do not wish to harm the other regulars...?

And the rest as they say is History...

END

XD

Edited by GDP26, 10 July 2012 - 05:34 PM.

[naphack]

that one really cracked me up.
Almost a masterpiece. One part seems lacking:

Grace: (Urk! Did I really say criminal organization out loud!? Tch! I got carried away... However... I can still salvage this!) No,no,no, Baam... I just said criminal organization because that is how they view us... They Slander our good intentions! However! Once we win we can show them that we really are the ones on the side of Justice!! (Buy it Baam! Buy it!)

wouldda been so fun if Grace didn't answer at all there and just used the very same "talk without words" method, he was about to teach viole.
Well. Just my 2 cents tho.

[God of LoL]

I need to be faster with the chapter...
Beautiful story, by the way.

I wonder what would happen when Luslec finds out that Viole was an insane bastard who got tricked by a RABBIT of all things...

Or when Viole finds out about the not so just organization of his...

[GDP26]

that one really cracked me up.
Almost a masterpiece. One part seems lacking:
wouldda been so fun if Grace didn't answer at all there and just used the very same "talk without words" method, he was about to teach viole.
Well. Just my 2 cents tho.

Thanks xD

Yeah... I thought so too but really... But I don't think that would've been good for Grace's "25th Baam Raising Project"...

Spoiler

"25th Baam Raising Project"

Grace: Today I shall teach you about the importance non-verbal communication!

Baam: Umm... Is that really important?

Grace: Of course! After this lesson you will take several levels of badass! You will be able to threaten people just by glaring at them! Your words... If you ever feel the need to speak after this lesson by the way... Will always sound awesome since you can already express so much just by standing there! Can't you see! This is what makes F.U.G. the leading criminal organization in the tower!

Baam: ...Criminal organization? I thought we were a resistance force fighting for the freedom of every one from Zahard's oppression?

Grace: (Hmm... Should I make an excuse? Something like: "No,no,no, Baam... I just said criminal organization because that is how they view us... They Slander our good intentions! However! Once we win we can show them that we really are the ones on the side of Justice!!" Hmm... No, Maybe this is a good time to show Baam the importance of Non Verbal communication!) *stares at Baam*

Baam: ... *stares back at Luzlec* (Why is master quiet? Does this mean... That it's true? Am I... A criminal? No! Master's a good person!)

Grace: ... *continues to stare at Baam* (Hmm... It's... Not working? *sweatdrops* No! It has to work!)

Baam: ... *stares back at Luzlec* (I won't back down until I know the truth! Please tell me that it's not true master!)

Grace: ... *still staring at Baam* (Maybe this wasn't really such a good idea...)

*A few hours later...*

Grace: ...Uh Baam?

Baam: ...Umm... Yes?

Grace: Why were we staring at each other again?

Baam: ...Uh I'm not really sure...

Grace: *stomach growls* ...Want to go get something to eat?

Baam: ...Sure...

*Meanwhile...*

Hwa Ryun: *facepalms* ...Those two are idiots...

Bad End

Mission: "Corrupt 25th Baam" - Failed

Would you like to go to the "hint" corner?

[Yes] [No]

*clicked yes*

......

The "Coffee Shop" is a hint corner...
If you would like to beat the game by yourself,
or if you would like to keep the characters' images, please be warned.


YU HAN SUNG'S COFFEE SHOP!

Yu Han Sung: Kufufufu... Failing to convince an innocent child such as Baam? This is the place to help such people. Welcome... To "Yu Han Sung's Coffee Shop." My name is Yu Han Sung... Your instructor Kufufufu...

Quant: And I am the magnificent Quant! The awesome assistant!

Yu Han Sung: *smacks Quant* Assistant? My,My Quant... You are not my assistant...

Quant: Really!? Am I being promoted!?

Yu Han Sung: No.

Quant: Ehh! Then what's my position here?

Yu Han Sung: My flunky... In other words... You're my Bitch. Kufufufu...

Quant: Bitch!? Why you-- *Suddenly gets eaten by a gigantic fish which just popped out of no where*

Yu Han Sung: Kufufufu... What an Idiot... But an amusing idiot none the less...

Quant: Grr! Muph!! *makes strangled noises* HELP!!

Yu Han Sung: What was that Flunky? You want me to continue with my explanation while drinking some coffee? My! You're so thoughful! Well, that's to be expected... I knew I hired you for a reason! Kufufufu...

Quant: Grr! Muph!! *makes strangled noises* DAMN COFFEE MACH--

Yu Han Sung: Oh! He seems so happy! Why don't you go somewhere else my dear pet? I don't want you to get bored here you know? Go somewhere else to play with my Flunky/Bitch okay?

Gigantic Fish: *nods happily*

Quant: Grr! Muph!! *makes strangled noises* NOOO!!!

Yu Han Sung: Ahh... They grow up so fast... *wipes a fake tear out of his eye* I'm so glad to see people get their happy endings... *smirks* Well anyways here's the solution to your problem you imbeci-- *coughs* I mean "Dearest Customer"... Kufufufu... You need to understand that "Baam" is still "naive" despite his seemingly monstrous prowess in shinsoo manipulation so you need to be a "little" bit more... "Convincing". I'm sure that even a person of your... "Mental Capacity" can figure that out... Kufufufu...

Quant: Grr! Muph!! *makes strangled noises* AHH!!!! THE PAIN!!!! NOO!!! NOT THE FACE!!!

Yu Han Sung: *smirks* Well... That's the only advice I can give you now so please try your best! Well Goodbye "Dearest Customer" I don't hope to see you again in the near future because it proves your incompetence... Hmm... On the other hand if you don't come back I wouldn't be able to "Educate" my Flunky... Ahh! Tough choices *smirks* Well, It's up to you now! Good Luck!

YU HAN SUNG'S COFFEE SHOP!

- END

XD

I need to be faster with the chapter...
Beautiful story, by the way.

Thanks xD

I wonder what would happen when Luslec finds out that Viole was an insane bastard who got tricked by a RABBIT of all things...

Or when Viole finds out about the not so just organization of his...

Hilarity Ensues. xD

Edited by GDP26, 11 July 2012 - 06:05 PM.

[naphack]

you got it backwards. You completely underrate the demoralising effect of silence.

Spoiler

Baam: "...Criminal organization? I thought we were a resistance force fighting for the freedom of every one from Zahard's oppression?"

Luslec: "..."

Baam: "..."have I angered him now? I made a mistake. A grave mistake.*sweats*

Luslec: "..."Yes. Baam. That is exactly, what it is all about. No need to explain, how stupid your remark just now was.

Baam: "...Master..."

Luslec: "..."Already?

Baam: "I think, I understand now."

Luslec: "good. But if you really wanna tell me, you understood, you gotta do it without words."

Baam: "...What?"WHAT?

Luslec: "Yust how I told you. Speak without using words."

Baam: "Master, I was talking about the my 'criminal organisation' Remark." *sweats* He wasn't angry at all? God, I must have looked stupid there. I totally misread the Situation. And now... What now?

Luslec: "What about it? Of course, we are a criminal ornagisation. Abolishing the law by force is per definition a criminal activity."

Baam: "..."Shit. Now he ain't gonna stop.

Luslec: "You gotta see, Zahard controls us in various way. The wording, the..."

2 Hours later:

"...And THAT'S, why we are per definition a criminal organisation. Got it now?"

Baam, not fully conscious anymore: "..."

Luslec: "good."

@YHS's coffee shop: don't write when you dont have the slightest idea, where you are heading. It feels like some random chain of sentences...
Yes, I am picky!

Edited by naphack, 12 July 2012 - 12:16 PM.

[God of LoL]

you got it backwards. You completely underrate the demoralising effect of silence.

Spoiler

Baam: "...Criminal organization? I thought we were a resistance force fighting for the freedom of every one from Zahard's oppression?"

Luslec: "..."

Baam: "..."have I angered him now? I made a mistake. A grave mistake.*sweats*

Luslec: "..."Yes. Baam. That is exactly, what it is all about. No need to explain, how stupid your remark just now was.

Baam: "...Master..."

Luslec: "..."Already?

Baam: "I think, I understand now."

Luslec: "good. But if you really wanna tell me, you understood, you gotta do it without words."

Baam: "...What?"WHAT?

Luslec: "Yust how I told you. Speak without using words."

Baam: "Master, I was talking about the my 'criminal organisation' Remark." *sweats* He wasn't angry at all? God, I must have looked stupid there. I totally misread the Situation. And now... What now?

Luslec: "What about it? Of course, we are a criminal ornagisation. Abolishing the law by force is per definition a criminal activity."

Baam: "..."Shit. Now he ain't gonna stop.

Luslec: "You gotta see, Zahard controls us in various way. The wording, the..."

2 Hours later:

"...And THAT'S, why we are per definition a criminal organisation. Got it now?"

Baam, not fully conscious anymore: "..."

Luslec: "good."

I will have to agree on this one. There is no concept in it. Even if it is comedy, there must be a continuum of what's happening. In case dialogue doesn't do the trick, use narrations. In case you want to add up to those narrations, have the characters complain about the narrations, by breaking the fourth wall.
Example:
Viole was glaring at Yihwa, having mixed feelings of anger and relief. She had them all worried when she didn't answer her calls after that explosion.
Wangnan: "How can he tell that he is glaring at her? His bangs are hiding everything!"
Akraptor: "He is the writer, Wangnan. Of course he knows."
Wangnan: "How so?"
Akraptor: "Default."

It is a random interference that adds a comedic relief to a drama story, often used to break the ice. If misused it might just annoy the reader.
Next is the *action*.
Even though it creates a more imaginable picture to the reader, it takes away the delicacy the original writing would have without it.
Yu Han Sung: Ahah. *smacks Quant's head*
Quant: Ouch! *jumps up and down* Why did you do that for!
Yu Han Sung: Elaboration for the tutor. *dramatically flips hair*
Not pretty, huh? Let's try to make it in sentences.
Yu Han Sung was siting impatiently in his cosy chair, thinking of something rather seriously, totally ignoring his red haired assistant. Suddenly, after screaming "Ahah", he smacks him.
Rolling and jumping like a monkey in pain, Quant managed to hiss at his abusive boss.
Quant: "Ouch! Why did you do that for!"
Yu, smirking like the evil genius he was, flips his hair in pride and replies rather smugly.
Yu Han Sung: "Elaboration for the tutor"
The "*" can be used for soundeffects though.

This is my opinion about a story/ scenario. I too have written stories your way, but I think that they got better when I did them this way. Sorry if I offended you with this lecture, do point it out if I did so or if I did a little mistake.

@YHS's coffee shop: don't write when you dont have the slightest idea, where you are heading. It feels like some random chain of sentences...
Yes, I am picky!

Personaly, I have no idea where the story heads when I write it. I just... write. Whatever comes in my mind that moment, I usually have no plan, no idea jar to take ideas from. I just let the story unfold by itself.

Anyway, since this is Fiction Center and not Lecture Center, here's a fiction!

Spoiler

Sometimes, Yihwa thought that she was the only normal being in the entire team. This current situation only added up to her belief.
Why? Mainly because Viole had a big shoe print on his face of all faces and they were all beaten up, others with more casts than the others. Yes, even Viole.
Yihwa: "Could you explain to me what happened?"
Wangnan: "Well..."
Flashback~
They were all walking down the street, returning from their shopping trip, when suddenly, a woman with the red skirt and white shirt landed on Viole's face. They were all caught of guard, but not as much as when she started to beat his lights out of his ass. She was steaming in rage.
Yuri: "Do you *smack!* have any idea *baam baam smack!* how worried *boom!* I was?!?"
Prince snickered from behind, truly enjoying the show.
Prince: "Getting beaten up by a girl! What a noob!"
Soon, said girl started to beat up Prince, Teddy tried to save Prince, Akraptor tried to save Teddy and Wangnan tried to save himself. They all got involved in the beating.
Flashback ends~
Yihwa: "Who was that crazy woman? Ex-girlfriend or something?"
Yuri: "Future wife."
Everyone (Viole included): "Future what?!"
Wangnan: "Why are you shocked?!"
Viole: "That's the first time I hear it myself!"
Yihwa: "Aren't you a little old for him?"
Yuri: "Aren't you a little young for him?"
Yihwa: "Oh please! He is clearly younger from me! I am taller after all!"
Yuri: "Get off your high horse, or should I say high heels? Also, size doesn't always matter."
Miseng: "What does she mean by that?"
Akraptor: "When you become 1000 years old, I will tell you."
Yihwa: "You know, this is pointless. Why don't we ask his opinion?"
Yuri: "Who cares about his opinion?"
Yihwa: "Mmm...true."
Viole: "..."
Wangnan: "Why do I have the feeling that this will end in a triangle relationship?"
Hwa Ryun, who popped out of thin air, answered to him with a devious smile.
Hwa Ryun: "Nope. It will end in a square."
Wangnan: "?"

Edited by God of LoL, 12 July 2012 - 02:39 PM.

[DarkKichiku]

Spoiler

Sometimes, Yihwa thought that she was the only normal being in the entire team. This current situation only added up to her belief.
Why? Mainly because Viole had a big shoe print on his face of all faces and they were all beaten up, others with more casts than the others. Yes, even Viole.
Yihwa: "Could you explain to me what happened?"
Wangnan: "Well..."
Flashback~
They were all walking down the street, returning from their shopping trip, when suddenly, a woman with the red skirt and white shirt landed on Viole's face. They were all caught of guard, but not as much as when she started to beat his lights out of his ass. She was steaming in rage.
Yuri: "Do you *smack!* have any idea *baam baam smack!* how worried *boom!* I was?!?"
Prince snickered from behind, truly enjoying the show.
Prince: "Getting beaten up by a girl! What a noob!"
Soon, said girl started to beat up Prince, Teddy tried to save Prince, Akraptor tried to save Teddy and Wangnan tried to save himself. They all got involved in the beating.
Flashback ends~
Yihwa: "Who was that crazy woman? Ex-girlfriend or something?"
Yuri: "Future wife."
Everyone (Viole included): "Future what?!"
Wangnan: "Why are you shocked?!"
Viole: "That's the first time I hear it myself!"
Yihwa: "Aren't you a little old for him?"
Yuri: "Aren't you a little young for him?"
Yihwa: "Oh please! He is clearly younger from me! I am taller after all!"
Yuri: "Get off your high horse, or should I say high heels? Also, size doesn't always matter."
Miseng: "What does she mean by that?"
Akraptor: "When you become 1000 years old, I will tell you."
Yihwa: "You know, this is pointless. Why don't we ask his opinion?"
Yuri: "Who cares about his opinion?"
Yihwa: "Mmm...true."
Viole: "..."
Wangnan: "Why do I have the feeling that this will end in a triangle relationship?"
Hwa Ryun, who popped out of thin air, answered to him with a devious smile.
Hwa Ryun: "Nope. It will end in a square."
Wangnan: "?"

Haha, fun stuff XD . Well, I've personally always thought that the best outcome of the Baam/Yuri reunion would be something like... This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcjU6wOWq3w
(yeah, including the kick and everything XD )

Edited by DarkKichiku, 12 July 2012 - 02:01 PM.

[God of LoL]

Haha, fun stuff XD . Well, I've personally always thought that the best outcome of the Baam/Yuri reunion would be something like... This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcjU6wOWq3w
(yeah, including the kick and everything XD )

Hey, what anime is that? It seems nice.
Also, yes, she would kick his face off first, then kiss him.

[DarkKichiku]

Hey, what anime is that? It seems nice.
Also, yes, she would kick his face off first, then kiss him.

It's from Carnival Phantasm, a parody made by Type-Moon that involves the characters from their many various games, series and whatnot set in what's known as the "Nasuverse" (Fate/Stay Night, Tsukihime, Melty Blood and so on...)
Oh, and if you want the full episode the clip is from, here (the second half should be visible in the playlist to the right)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRcmjccVo98&feature=related

Edited by DarkKichiku, 12 July 2012 - 02:42 PM.

[God of LoL]

It's from Carnival Phantasm, a parody made by Type-Moon that involves the characters from their many various games, series and whatnot set in what's known as the "Nasuverse" (Fate/Stay Night, Tsukihime, Melty Blood and so on...)
Oh, and if you want the full episode the clip is from, here (the second half should be visible in the playlist to the right)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRcmjccVo98&feature=related

Do you recomment it? It seems addictable.

[DarkKichiku]

Do you recomment it? It seems addictable.

If I recommend Carnival Phantasm? I sure do ! However, considering it's a parody, maybe you should consider getting familiar with the Nasuverse first, otherwise you might not get some of the jokes/references and whatnot...

[GDP26]

you got it backwards. You completely underrate the demoralising effect of silence.

Maybe in some situations... But we have to remember that Baam didn't really get subtle hints at once... And also he was just betrayed by Rachel at this point(?) So he must have been a bit more... "leery" about things which people hide from him... Though we may just have different interpretations xD

@YHS's coffee shop: don't write when you dont have the slightest idea, where you are heading. It feels like some random chain of sentences...
Yes, I am picky!

Err... I was trying to portray a "Visual Novelish" feel on that story which was why I put a hint corner Aka: Yu Han Sung's Coffee Shop at the end...
(Incidentally I also based the title of the story on a certain game: "Shinji Ikari Raising Project" which is somewhat... A Visual novelish game in which you raise... (Surprise,Surprise) one the poster boys of mental traumas in anime himself: Shinji Ikari... LoL XD)
You know those types of hint corners that kinda put a funny way to teach people to make the right decisions on Visual Novels to avoid Bad Ends? Though this time it seemed to have backfired... xD

Thanks for your frank reactions though! I can definitely use those advises to Improve my writing style xD

I will have to agree on this one. There is no concept in it. Even if it is comedy, there must be a continuum of what's happening. In case dialogue doesn't do the trick, use narrations. In case you want to add up to those narrations, have the characters complain about the narrations, by breaking the fourth wall.
Example:
Viole was glaring at Yihwa, having mixed feelings of anger and relief. She had them all worried when she didn't answer her calls after that explosion.
Wangnan: "How can he tell that he is glaring at her? His bangs are hiding everything!"
Akraptor: "He is the writer, Wangnan. Of course he knows."
Wangnan: "How so?"
Akraptor: "Default."

It is a random interference that adds a comedic relief to a drama story, often used to break the ice. If misused it might just annoy the reader.
Next is the *action*.
Even though it creates a more imaginable picture to the reader, it takes away the delicacy the original writing would have without it.
Yu Han Sung: Ahah. *smacks Quant's head*
Quant: Ouch! *jumps up and down* Why did you do that for!
Yu Han Sung: Elaboration for the tutor. *dramatically flips hair*
Not pretty, huh? Let's try to make it in sentences.
Yu Han Sung was siting impatiently in his cosy chair, thinking of something rather seriously, totally ignoring his red haired assistant. Suddenly, after screaming "Ahah", he smacks him.
Rolling and jumping like a monkey in pain, Quant managed to hiss at his abusive boss.
Quant: "Ouch! Why did you do that for!"
Yu, smirking like the evil genius he was, flips his hair in pride and replies rather smugly.
Yu Han Sung: "Elaboration for the tutor"
The "*" can be used for soundeffects though.

This is my opinion about a story/ scenario. I too have written stories your way, but I think that they got better when I did them this way. Sorry if I offended you with this lecture, do point it out if I did so or if I did a little mistake.


Personaly, I have no idea where the story heads when I write it. I just... write. Whatever comes in my mind that moment, I usually have no plan, no idea jar to take ideas from. I just let the story unfold by itself.

Anyway, since this is Fiction Center and not Lecture Center, here's a fiction!

Spoiler

Sometimes, Yihwa thought that she was the only normal being in the entire team. This current situation only added up to her belief.
Why? Mainly because Viole had a big shoe print on his face of all faces and they were all beaten up, others with more casts than the others. Yes, even Viole.
Yihwa: "Could you explain to me what happened?"
Wangnan: "Well..."
Flashback~
They were all walking down the street, returning from their shopping trip, when suddenly, a woman with the red skirt and white shirt landed on Viole's face. They were all caught of guard, but not as much as when she started to beat his lights out of his ass. She was steaming in rage.
Yuri: "Do you *smack!* have any idea *baam baam smack!* how worried *boom!* I was?!?"
Prince snickered from behind, truly enjoying the show.
Prince: "Getting beaten up by a girl! What a noob!"
Soon, said girl started to beat up Prince, Teddy tried to save Prince, Akraptor tried to save Teddy and Wangnan tried to save himself. They all got involved in the beating.
Flashback ends~
Yihwa: "Who was that crazy woman? Ex-girlfriend or something?"
Yuri: "Future wife."
Everyone (Viole included): "Future what?!"
Wangnan: "Why are you shocked?!"
Viole: "That's the first time I hear it myself!"
Yihwa: "Aren't you a little old for him?"
Yuri: "Aren't you a little young for him?"
Yihwa: "Oh please! He is clearly younger from me! I am taller after all!"
Yuri: "Get off your high horse, or should I say high heels? Also, size doesn't always matter."
Miseng: "What does she mean by that?"
Akraptor: "When you become 1000 years old, I will tell you."
Yihwa: "You know, this is pointless. Why don't we ask his opinion?"
Yuri: "Who cares about his opinion?"
Yihwa: "Mmm...true."
Viole: "..."
Wangnan: "Why do I have the feeling that this will end in a triangle relationship?"
Hwa Ryun, who popped out of thin air, answered to him with a devious smile.
Hwa Ryun: "Nope. It will end in a square."
Wangnan: "?"

XD thanks for the tips! I'll try to adapt that to my writing style!

And also... Poor Baam/Viole... At the end of the story he'll most likely have a love dodecahedron(is there even such a thing?) XD

If I recommend Carnival Phantasm? I sure do ! However, considering it's a parody, maybe you should consider getting familiar with the Nasuverse first, otherwise you might not get some of the jokes/references and whatnot...

Ahh... Carnival Phantasm... The show in which the...

Spoiler

Story Writers/Story Itself tries to kill the characters... Poor Lancer...

XD

Edited by GDP26, 12 July 2012 - 03:47 PM.

[Use Buffs - ret@rd]

I didn't notice this topic so I've opened mine about fan made stories on the floors like test and other stuff, i will gladly write my ideas here

alright let's do dis!

[Imperator]

Anyway, since this is Fiction Center and not Lecture Center, here's a fiction!

Spoiler

Sometimes, Yihwa thought that she was the only normal being in the entire team. This current situation only added up to her belief.
Why? Mainly because Viole had a big shoe print on his face of all faces and they were all beaten up, others with more casts than the others. Yes, even Viole.
Yihwa: "Could you explain to me what happened?"
Wangnan: "Well..."
Flashback~
They were all walking down the street, returning from their shopping trip, when suddenly, a woman with the red skirt and white shirt landed on Viole's face. They were all caught of guard, but not as much as when she started to beat his lights out of his ass. She was steaming in rage.
Yuri: "Do you *smack!* have any idea *baam baam smack!* how worried *boom!* I was?!?"
Prince snickered from behind, truly enjoying the show.
Prince: "Getting beaten up by a girl! What a noob!"
Soon, said girl started to beat up Prince, Teddy tried to save Prince, Akraptor tried to save Teddy and Wangnan tried to save himself. They all got involved in the beating.
Flashback ends~
Yihwa: "Who was that crazy woman? Ex-girlfriend or something?"
Yuri: "Future wife."
Everyone (Viole included): "Future what?!"
Wangnan: "Why are you shocked?!"
Viole: "That's the first time I hear it myself!"
Yihwa: "Aren't you a little old for him?"
Yuri: "Aren't you a little young for him?"
Yihwa: "Oh please! He is clearly younger from me! I am taller after all!"
Yuri: "Get off your high horse, or should I say high heels? Also, size doesn't always matter."
Miseng: "What does she mean by that?"
Akraptor: "When you become 1000 years old, I will tell you."
Yihwa: "You know, this is pointless. Why don't we ask his opinion?"
Yuri: "Who cares about his opinion?"
Yihwa: "Mmm...true."
Viole: "..."
Wangnan: "Why do I have the feeling that this will end in a triangle relationship?"
Hwa Ryun, who popped out of thin air, answered to him with a devious smile.
Hwa Ryun: "Nope. It will end in a square."
Wangnan: "?"

"Square"? I think you're forgetting about Androssi...

[Arie Hon]

Four sides . Baam in the middle.

Edited by Arie Hon, 13 July 2012 - 06:25 AM.

[God of LoL]

"Square"? I think you're forgetting about Androssi...

It is a square; Androssi, Viole, Yuri, Yihwa. For some reason, I don't think that Hwa Ryun will live. Unless Viole is that good of a person and saves her ass.

[Imperator]

It is a square; Androssi, Viole, Yuri, Yihwa. For some reason, I don't think that Hwa Ryun will live. Unless Viole is that good of a person and saves her ass.

And what about Black March?

[God of LoL]

And what about Black March?

Fine, Pentagon, but that's not the point.