55 replies to this topic

[Aote]

Today was Mother's Day and Kuroiikawa forgot. Now I'm crying in my bedroom.

He's gonna flip.

[Buttock Follicle]

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair while the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina.FML

Edited by ⊂(￣┏Д┓￣°*)⊃, 17 May 2012 - 02:39 AM.

[Aote]

OMFG.


Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

[Buttock Follicle]

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

lmao aote XD

[Aote]

That was great.

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

[Buttock Follicle]

I just saw that one xP

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

[Aote]

Wow.

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

[Buttock Follicle]

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

[Aote]

2nd was hilarious.

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

[Maia]

OMGFG I can't stop laughing!!!!! Now the wisdom tooth I have coming in hurts even more! FML!!

Edited by Maia, 17 May 2012 - 03:26 AM.

[Aote]

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I remembered it was paper. FML

[Buttock Follicle]

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

[Aote]

I just read that one LOL.

[您享受安静 YESilence]

my own FML ... happened two days ago ....

Today, I got fired from my part-time job because it appears that i didnt meet my workload last month for the first time in 13 months.
Back home, wanting to make myself something nice to eat and to make me feel better, I space out and accidentally cut my wrist open.
The wound is 3 cm deep, 5 cm long, almost pierced through. I missed my vein by barely 4 mm.
My brother saves me since I just watch myself bleed in shock.
Immediately driving me to the hospital where they stop the bleeding and stitch the wound and bandage it.
Back home at night again, im dead tired from the loss of blood, but I am still in shock and cant sleep because of the anxiousness.
I decide to take my mind off on the Forums here and what do I find?
A newly opened game in the games section about where u are stabbed by what and how fucked up you are. FML.

Edited by YouEnjoySilence Liencourt, 18 May 2012 - 03:51 PM.

[Aote]

my own FML ... two days ago ....

Today, I got fired from my part-time job because it appears that i didnt meet my workload last month for the first time in 13 months.
Back home, wanting to make myself something nice to eat and to make me feel better, I space out and accidentally cut my wrist open.
The wound is 3 cm deep, 5 cm long, almost pierced through. I missed my vein by barely 4 mm.
My brother saves me since I just watch myself bleed in shock.
Immediately driving me to the hospital where they stop the bleeding and stitch the wound and bandage it.
Back home at night again, im dead tired from the loss of blood, but I am still in shock and cant sleep because of the anxiousness.
I decide to take my mind off on the Forums here and what do I find?
A newly opened game in the games section about where u are stabbed by what and how fucked up you are. FML.

Wow. I posted in that too...Hardcore stuff. (lol)

[您享受安静 YESilence]

Wow. I posted in that too...Hardcore stuff. (lol)

ah no ... i didnt post there yet ... i meant this happened two days ago ...
(i dont know how to post there)

but u r right, these FML can really cheer u up again somehow ...

here is another, dont know if it was posted in here already ...

Today, as I was talking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

[Buttock Follicle]

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat.FML

[Aote]

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

[您享受安静 YESilence]

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

[Aote]

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML