[ATTENTION] The following "About Me" contains some crude language used in a hilarious manner that may or may not appeal to those who read it. You have been forewarned! [ATTENTION]
:The Bone-crushing Principles of Complete and Utter Badassitude:
1- Destroy All Who Oppose You
At some point, all aspiring badasses come across some complete raging dickbrain who stands in the way of your manifest destiny. It is your moral obligation to destroy that person and everything he cares about. Badasses also have no time for telemarketers, cooking shows, or micromanaging bosses. For instance, when your boss goes off on you to do some actual work and stop wasting company resources on endless rounds of computer solitaire, if you're a true bone crusher, you'll grab your stapler, smash your boss in the forehead, and inform him (in a loud and threatening manner) that nothing can stand in the way of your epic quest to uncover the elusive ace of spades.
2- Drive It Like It's Stolen
In order to escape from zany anarcho-terrorist cyborg genetic clone scumbugs that may attempt to kidnap and/or assassinate you and steal your identity, you'll need to utilize all of the resources at your disposal. This means being able to drive the hell out of a wide variety of automobiles, motorcycles, airplanes, spacecraft, jetpacks, hovercraft, and speedboats. Also includes the ability to ride a large assortment of animals.
3- Conquer The Elements
Nothing screams "I am awesome" quite like camping in the wilderness for a week without dying of exposure or getting eaten by angry bears. This really kicks Mother Nature in the ovaries with a steel-toed boot. All outdoor skills will help you evade capture and survive when you're stranded deep behind enemy lines. Plus, your ability to club a yeti unconscious by hitting it in the face with a broken-off tree branch could someday prove to be the difference between life and death.
4- Live For Revenge
From Shaolin temples to your own death, there are tons of things out there that need to be avenged, and a true badass should never think twice about serving up a piping hot vengeance omelet to anyone who even halfheartedly tries to dick him over. It is also important to remember that the vengeance does not necessarily need to be proportional to the crime committed. For instance, when the Mafia had Frank Castle's family whacked, Frank turned himself into the Punisher and spent the next twenty years shooting criminals in the face with a gigantic bazooka.
5- Never Give Up, Never Surrender
Badasses, much like Goonies, never say die. To that end, they also never say diet, and their color recognition vocabulary is limited to just six words. They don't flinch, cry, hesitate, show fear, or act like they notice when it's raining. Even if it's raining really, really hard. Nothing bothers them, nobody stands in their way, and they refuse to yield even when the situation seems ten light-years beyond hopeless.
*I don't claim any right to this stuff, blah, blah, blah. I just find it incredibly entertaining and oddly inspiring. Its from a book called "Badass" by Ben Thompson. And this is just a small taste of the epically awesome, face melting hilarity that is hidden inside those pages*
Unstoppable, Unrelenting, Unending
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