Jump to content

Primary: Sky Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Secondary: Sky Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Pattern: Blank Waves Squares Notes Sharp Wood Rockface Leather Honey Vertical Triangles
Photo

The Crystal Tale


  • Please log in to reply
26 replies to this topic

#1
Horn

Horn

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,078 posts
  • LocationWelded to my computer chair.
Sooooooooo yeah, seeing how more and more people are putting up their stories for view here on Batoto, I thought I should chime in and share with you all a story that I wrote began writing some couple years ago...*checks last document edit*...in 2009. Well dang. But yeah, anyway, it's a cute little story about a boy and a girl...the very kind of story that I'm drawn to when it comes to anime/manga series, and while I haven't finished it, I'm thinking perhaps posting it here and getting some response to it might motivate me to pick it up and keep writing it again. Oh yeah - it's also initially based on a dream I had, but only the parts in the beginning.

I'm a bit unsure how to split this thing, as the paragraphs in it vary wildly in length. That's my problem and not yours, naturally, but just be aware that the chapters may vary in length. I don't believe there's any rule for chapter length though. I hope.

WARNING: This story contains, as of yet at least, NO SEX, GORE, RAPE, BODY HORROR, ETC. Yes, it's sickening, I know, particularly for the ones that know me and know what disgusting crap I'm probably capable of writing. But I'm guessing this might be me trying to actually produce something cute and cuddly for a change. It's possible it'll spiral out of control. Who knows.

ANYWAY. Enough babbling, on to the story. Hopefully you'll find it sweet, but not too sweet. Like wine. Mmmmm, wine.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I was walking.


I usually did that during the mornings. It was early fall, with the trees just beginning to shift color. It was cool, the air was slightly humid. The weather was calm; no wind, no rain. The sky was covered with clouds, with a few gaps scattered over the large gray sheet, allowing the sun only momentary occasions of its spotlight.

It was the perfect weather to clear your thoughts with.

I lived out on the countryside by the time. A small house, a small garden. And I lived along with my dog, a female border collie; her name was Tinny. Otherwise, it was just me. A little more than a year ago, I moved from my own home. Not that far away actually, but it still gave me the space I felt that I needed. One can’t live with his parents forever. Sure, I had been hardly twenty years old when I moved, but my older sister had moved from home when she was even younger. I would not appear as the weak one among my siblings.

Now I was almost twenty one...and still unemployed. It really didn’t matter how intensively I searched for somewhere to work. The competition was dire those days, and being honest...I was about as sharp as a wet sponge.

Maybe things will look better today, I thought, striding along the countryside road and turning into a small path in the forest. Maybe I’ll find someone who I can work for. Just anything. I don’t have to become a movie star, I just need something with a reasonable income. Moving away from home felt pretty pointless when you still had to leech off your parents. My parents weren’t poor, and I’m sure they were still more than willing to take care of me...but I felt a need to show that I could take care of myself as well.

And I should bring a basket here tomorrow, I thought when I saw the rows of mushrooms growing in the moist forest soil. Maybe mum would like some of these. Or perhaps later today...so nobody else comes and snatches them before I get the chance to.

Lost in my own thoughts, which fluttered between subjects like a hungry hummingbird, I continued my way through the forest. Soon the trees would clear, and the road would make a left, and I’d be on my way home. However...this day came to bring something very out of the ordinary.

I stopped in my tracks, straightening up and pulling my scarf down from my mouth. There was something in there; something blue, apparently leaned towards a tree...I took off from the path, trudging into the pine forest with branches and cones crunching around my feet. As I came closer to whatever it was lying in there, I felt my pace increasing. And when I saw what it was, I started running.

It was a little girl.

She couldn’t have been more than five years old. She lied still, dressed in a blue nightgown and nothing more. Her hair was dark, close to black, and very dirty, partially from coagulated blood. Her thin arms and legs were bruised, staining the nightgown with dark spots, and her lips and skin were almost turning blue.

- “Hey!” I shouted as I arrived by her side, kneeling down by her. “Hey, you...! Are you alive?”

I carefully reached in under her head, lifting it up carefully. She moved uneasily, opening her eyes slightly, and I gasped silently. Her eyes were sparkling blue as her view locked into mine, but there was something...something sad over them. They almost looked dead.

As soon as she was aware of me, she whimpered softly. I looked around, trying to see if anyone was in sight. But I saw no one, so I had to care for her myself. I lifted her up slowly; she was much lighter than I expected her to be...and then I tried to comfort her with my arms, giving her as much of my own body heat as possible. She whimpered again, reaching out with her thin arms and laying them around my neck.

- “There you go”, I mumbled to her. “You’re going to be okay. We need to...we need to get you to the hospital or something...”

- “No...”

Her voice was light and cracked, on the border to inaudible, and I looked down at her. She was looking at me with her blue eyes, as if she was about to start crying.

- “Don’t...not the hospital...”

She burrowed her face into my clothes, sniveling quietly. “Please...don’t...take me there...”

- “But you’ll...”

I shook my head. There was no time for arguing. I had to get her somewhere quickly, or no hospital in the world would be able to save her. She kept sobbing in my jacket, holding a cramped grip around me.

- “I want...to go home...”

- “I...I’m sorry, I don’t know where...here. Don’t be afraid, I’ll get you home to my place...we need to get you warm. Don’t worry, just hold on to me.”

Edited by Horn, 08 August 2012 - 10:09 PM.

UIqflpq.jpg


#2
n/aㅤㅤ

n/aㅤㅤ

    Potato

  • Members
  • 157 posts
This story is just... so well written and cute~
=^^=

I really don't know how to describe it. Every sentence seems to fit... Do you think about sentence length/structure or do you just let it flow? I mean, everything is just so.. Natural.
I loved the open-ending - it was just...

I'm SORRY I'M LOST FOR WOOOOOOORDSSSSS
OTL

Just one thing:

Maybe things will look better today, I thought, striding the countryside road alongand turning into a small path in the forest. Maybe I’ll find someone who I can work for. Just anything. I don’t have to become a movie star, I just need something with a reasonable income. Moving away from home felt pretty pointless when you still had to leech off your parents. My parents weren’t poor, and I’m sure they were still more than willing to take care of me...but I felt a need to show that I could take care of myself as well.



#3
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
I like it horn!
Its cute.
I hope the little girl survives!
MOAR!!!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#4
Horn

Horn

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,078 posts
  • LocationWelded to my computer chair.
Snazzy - Thanks ^^ I do put a lot of thought in the sentences; I first just let it roll, and then go over it again to see if I can flesh it out a bit. It happens sometimes that I write the larger part of a chapter, go to sleep, wake up, reread it and go "What the hell was I thinking here" and then delete the lot of it. e_e
Also right, glad you caught that...unnecessary jumble of words. "Striding along the countryside road" would probably sound better.

Maia - "survives"...ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA- hrm.
...Sorry. Yes. The little girl survives...or? Hurr.


So, I'm not going to post in this story every day (that would burn up my buffer D; ), but I feel I haven't gotten satisfyingly far yet for people to have any idea what it's about...so, another part coming right up. Have at it.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




This can’t be happening, I thought to myself, sitting by my kitchen table, supporting my forehead on my hands. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening… What in the world had she been doing out there? Had her parents just dropped her off, or had she lost herself in the woods? What am I going to do with her now?

Most importantly...will she be okay?

Two hours had gone since I found her and carried her home with me. She had been troublingly quiet, and the only hint assuring me I wasn’t carrying a corpse was her firm grasp around my jacket. Well at home, I hesitated regarding what to do with her. I’d tucked her down in my own bed, trying to keep her warm, and laid a wet towel across her forehead to keep her temperature down, praying that she hadn’t caught anything worse than a fever...like gangrene, or something.

She had looked up at me with those crystal blue eyes, with a facial so completely lacking of expressions that I had wondered if she was even human. No smile, no frowns, no reaction whatsoever. She just...looked at me. And then she fell asleep. I thought about bringing her some water, but I remembered from my classes (however long ago that was) that you shouldn’t give certain wounded people anything to drink...and it wasn’t entirely clear to me just how bad her condition was.

And now I sat by my table, mulling over what the hell I was supposed to do with her.

Tinny came bouncing into the room. Just a little puppy yet, she was, almost fully black with irregular markings of white and gray. She placed her paws on my knee while looking up at my face, panting wildly like dogs do. She had probably been outside running. Found a leaf or something she had been playing with, maybe. Then, she peered behind me, into the bedroom.

- “You can’t go in there now, honey”, I told her. “We have a little girl who needs to rest for a wh- Tinny! Tinny, get back here now!

No, of course. The scent of a new human was always too much for her, and she speeded into the bedroom, barking pitifully at the small thing covered in the bed sheets. I stumbled in after her, grasping her around the belly and lifting her up. She growled at me.

- “Tinny, keep it down!” I hissed at her. “She needs to sleep!”

Tinny looked up at me with her black eyes, then down at the figure in the bed. The girl seemed to have been lying completely still, but as I looked down at her, her head rolled to the side, and she peered up at me.

- “Hey there”, I whispered, putting the curious Tinny down and kneeling by the bed. “I’m really, really sorry about that…hey, did you sleep okay?”

The girl said nothing. She looked away from me, nodding ever so slightly.

- “I really don’t know what I should do with you...are you warm? Are you feeling better?”

- “A little.”

- “Ah...good. That’s...that’s good to hear. I’m just not sure...I really think we should get you to the hospital. I don’t know how bad you are. You’ve gotten some fever, from the cold weather outside...but I...”

- “No...I’m fine.”

- “...hmm. Do your parents know you’re missing?”

She went quiet. I leaned closer towards her, plucking the towel off her forehead and laid my hand towards it. “Yeesh, you’re hot”, I said. “Agh...I think I have some pills for that. Wait and let me see...”

- “I don’t need any medicine.”

I stopped dead in my path of motion. Sure, few kids like to take pills, but the way she said it...it sounded strange. Less than saying she didn’t want it, it was more like she was stating a simple fact. It’s as if she had said something like “glass breaks when you smash it against a sidewalk”. Or “rocks don’t have any wings”.

- “Don’t be silly”, I said anyway. “That fever is nasty. We need to keep it down so you won’t burn up.”

- “I won’t. I promise.”

- “Look, you...you have to...”

I stopped, and realized I didn’t even know her name yet. Socially inept as I was, those kinds of questions usually turned up pretty late, once I realized I didn’t know how to refer to the person I was talking to.

- “What’s your name?”

She didn’t say anything. She just pulled the blanket closer to her, apparently seeking protection.

- “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.” I knelt down by her again, supporting my elbows on the bedside. Tinny looked at us with a dog’s incurable curiosity. “If I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn’t have bothered trying to save your life.” I smiled at her, trying to lighten her up. I don’t know if I succeeded or just creeped her out more. “So what’s your name?”

She just shook her head.

- “What, don’t you have a name?” I said jokingly. “Come now. My name is Will, by the way. So what’s yours?”

She shook her head again. I raised an eyebrow, my forehead creating small wrinkles from thought.

- “You…you really don’t have a name?”

She shook her head once again.

- “Are you serious?” Geez, I thought, if she suffers from amnesia, then I definitely won't know what to do with her. I need a lead; something, anything that can identify her.

She nodded, looking up at me.

- “They never bothered”, she said.

- “They...what? Your parents?”

- “Mmm.”

- “But...”

Needless to say, I was now plenty more puzzled than I think I’ve ever been before. She was around five-ish years old, and she didn’t have a name?

- “Well”, I said, “if you don’t have a name, then we should give you one. Just so I can call you by it. What do you think sounds nice?”

The little girl looked up at me with her expressionless face.

- “Dunno”, she mumbled and sunk back into the bed.

- “How abooooout...Priscilla? Or Crystal? Do you think Crystal is a nice name?”

She shrugged. “Dunno”, she said again.

- “Oh, come now”, I said. “Thousands of little girls would die for the chance you have. You get to decide your own name! So what do you want me to call you? Is Crystal a nice name, or should I try something else?”

- “Do you think it’s a nice name?”

- “...eh?”

She was looking at me again, her hands clasped in front of her mouth.

- “Do you think Crystal is a nice name?”

- “I...yes, it’s a very nice name. It goes well with your eyes.”

She smiled lightly at me. It was the first time I saw her smile; her face shone up like a sun, her eyes sparkled even clearer, just because of that faint curving of her lips.

- “Then it’s a nice name.”

She made herself comfortable in my bed again. I, on the other hand, was completely bewildered. Was this normal behavior for girls her age? She was so calm, so tractable, and...and so smart. No way, I thought. And after having been left out in the forest, or whatever she had been doing there...

- “I’ll let you sleep some more”, I said. “You’re probably exhausted. I’ll try and keep Tinny out of the room.”

- “It’s okay”, she replied to me. “She’s cute.”

- “Yeah, she is”, I said with a smile, “and she’s annoying like no other thing.”

I have to figure out what in blazes I’m going to do with you, I thought to myself as I carefully shut the door and returned to the kitchen table. But no matter how carefully I thought about it, I could really only come up with one satisfying solution for the time being. Even the thought of it caused an emotional stab through my sense of independence.

Seriously. I could pick another time to defend my sense of independence. Preferably when someone else’s life wasn’t on the line.

I decided to call my mother.

UIqflpq.jpg


#5
n/aㅤㅤ

n/aㅤㅤ

    Potato

  • Members
  • 157 posts
I know now! She's a bloodsucking loli fairy!!! And then this story will turn into a twisted story of a lolicon on the chase from the police...

Wait, no.
I somehow get the feeling that this story is different from the rest...

Anyways.

I get the strangest feeling that the flow of the story has changed, or that your style of writing is subtly different from before... I'm not sure why.
Your dialogue flows perfectly but...

"She had looked up at me with those crystal blue eyes, with a facial so completely lacking of expressions that I had wondered if she was even human. No smile, no frowns, no reaction whatsoever. She just...looked at me."

Parts like that are beautifully written and feel like the first part of the story, but feel so different to other sentences like:

"And now I sat by my table, mulling over what the hell I was supposed to do with her."
The use of that language, that structure, seems to break the spell for me...
><"

Anyway, I loved Tinny! Like I said earlier, the dialogue flows beautifully and naturally; in the same way Tinny's role makes me relate to the situation in how she acts~
=^^=

I think the story is progressing nicely, and you're awesome~
A good dose of mystery and questions does wonders for a story~


Platonic love, bro~
=^^=

Edited by ☆Snazzy☆Zombie☆Mudkip☆, 08 August 2012 - 07:29 PM.


#6
Horn

Horn

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,078 posts
  • LocationWelded to my computer chair.
Yeah, I see what you mean with the differences in writing. What I'm thinking is the difference between the narration - in the second example, Will is actually thinking to himself "What the hell am I supposed to do with her", which then is reflected in the narration. Certainly, just randomly describing stuff and places with swears looks weird (The flowers by the roadside were fucking beautiful), but describing his manner of thoughts and considering he IS a strapping young lad in his twenties, it's only likely he'll use a cuss word or two at times (Those flowers were pretty fucking beautiful, he thought). Yes, that was a stupid example, but perhaps I'm getting my point across. ;o

UIqflpq.jpg


#7
n/aㅤㅤ

n/aㅤㅤ

    Potato

  • Members
  • 157 posts
Exactément!

It just felt a little sudden, seeing as Will in the first chapter is just... so relaxed.
I mean, of course he isn't relaxed after seeing the girl but...
I suck.
=^^"=

Edited by ☆Snazzy☆Zombie☆Mudkip☆, 08 August 2012 - 07:53 PM.


#8
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Wooo!
I love it Horn!
I can't wait until the next time you update!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#9
Horn

Horn

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,078 posts
  • LocationWelded to my computer chair.
Note to self: Never, ever, edit a story post in the post window. Your computer will decide to freeze and force you to restart it during that exact moment.

Anyway!



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




- “Hey, mum? Look, I- what? Yes, I’m doing all right. No. No, I’m...what? No, I’ve got money left, don’t worry. Look, there’s something really, really urgent I need to speak to you...what!? No, mum, for goodness’ sake! No, I promise! Look, it’s not important – just...yes, yes, of course it’s important, I didn’t mean it that w...look, mum!! Can you please hear me out, it’s serious business! You have to come over. All right? Yes, if you can; as soon as possible would be great. Yes. Yes, as I said, it’s really urgent, but it’s hard to explain over the phone...so you’ll be here? Okay. Okay, great. See you in a while. Yeah, love you. Sure. Sure. Bye!”

I hung up the phone, lowering my hand which I noticed I had pushed towards my forehead the entire time I had been talking.

- “Geez”, I muttered silently to myself. “As soon as I tell mum something serious has happened, she draws the conclusion I’ve knocked some girl up...like she didn’t know my luck with girls already.”

I looked around. “Now what?”

As on cue, my stomach started rumbling. I remembered I hadn’t eaten all morning, and realized that Crystal probably hadn’t done so either. Peeking into the fridge, I inspected what I had that could possibly be nutritional.

- “Frozen pizza. A carton of milk; need to get more milk. Um...oh, right, there’s the...hmm. This looks pretty old. Maybe not such a good idea to eat it...”

I plucked out a carton of pizza, putting it on the table. A true bachelor, I thought to myself, embarrassed. Really, though, it’s my own fault...I’d probably screw up boiling water if I were ever to try. All bachelorhood bless Percy Spencer, I thought, smiling for myself, as I put the pizza into the microwave oven.

Just as I had gotten the oven going, the doorbell rang. I looked back at the door in confusion, as Tinny started barking from inside the living room and came rushing for the door. Was mum here already? No, no...she’d take at least fifteen minutes to arrive.

I had barely gotten the door open before a curly-haired beast barged inside. It spun around towards me, teeth glimmering like sun reflexes and a pair of green eyes peering at me above a pair of thin-framed round glasses. Tinny barked wildly at it, jumping up at its leg to greet it. I laid my palm towards my forehead.

- “Tommy...”

- “Heeyyyy, Will!” Tommy laughed, poking me in the ribs like I was a fresh piece of chicken. “How’s the life in solitude treating you?”

- “It’d treat me much better if you’d stop doing that, Tom – you almost scared the hair off my arms...”

- “Hey, Tinny! Good girl, good girl! Oh, you’re so sweet, yes, you are!” he said to the little dog as he went down on his knees and ruffled her fur over. She eagerly jumped to try and aim a lick at his face. “Oh, what would one of my greetings be without some sudden action?” he then said to me, getting up on his feet. “Don’t worry”, he assured me, “I won’t stay long, I just had my way past your house - I’m going to Katherine to pick up a DVD she promised I could borrow. Just thought I’d look inside and see how you fared. Say, you mind if I use your bathroom?”

- ”I guess not...what, you couldn’t take a tinkle in the woods? Afraid a bear might see you and scold you for being indecent?”

- ”Well hey, I guess I could do that…or, I could swing by the house of my old lone friend in the middle of nowhere who never gets any visitors ever, just to check in, say hi and make sure he hasn’t fallen into the microwave oven and cooked to death. What, do you hate having me here that much?” He pouted exaggeratedly. ”You’re breaking my heart, man.”

- “Yeah, fine, sorry. You mind keeping your voice down a little, though? There’s-”

There’s a little girl I found out in the forest yesterday who has no name, no clothes and says almost nothing, and she’s sleeping in my bed with a fever because she won’t allow me to take her to the hospital, I thought, and my brain automatically locked my jaws before another word managed to squeak their way past my lips. Blending Tommy with gossip-worthy news was like blending Mentos and Diet Pepsi. Too late, though.

- “There’s...what?” he said to me, leaning his head to his side. His eyes gave off a worrisome glint.

- “Ah, uh...I-I’m...”

- “The only reason that I should be quiet in this straight-out-in-nowhere house...dude, you’ve got a sexy babe lying in your bed!?”

- “What? No!!” Well, it’s half true, I thought. The microwave gave off a bing, indicating heated pizza, but Tommy’s interpolation made me forget all about it.

- “Oh, you sneaky bastard, you!” Tommy whispered to me, leaning over at my shoulder with a rascally sparkle in his eyes. “You brought something home from the pub yesterday after all, didja? Didja didja didja?”

- “What the hell is the matter with people!?" I hissed through my teeth. "I wasn't even at the pub yesterday, and even if I would've...god, Tommy, you know me better than that. I know you do."

- “So then...what is it? Something you need to keep secret, I suppose, or you wouldn’t have stuttered like that...”

- “Look, were you going to the bathroom or not?” I muttered, pushing him away from me. “It really doesn’t concern you anyway!”

- “Are you sure this isn’t about a girl?”

- “I...”

‘A girl’, he said now. If I confirmed this accusation by him, I’d never get rid of him. My mind went 1000mph at point blank, sorting through my thoughts at a speed I'd never experienced before, and I was just about to pull a stealthy lie up in his face when the doorbell rang again.

- “William! I’m here!” came my mum’s voice from the other side. I twitched, but didn’t bother to get the door; she always stepped inside anyway...so the door swung open, and she came in with a bag that she put on my kitchen table.

- “Some dinner for tonight”, she instructed me. “I suspect all you have for the day is a fridgeful of frozen pizza. Hey there, Tommy.”

- “Hallo, miss Teresa!” Tommy said, flailing his hand out in a strange greeting gesture.

- “So, what’s this you wanted to talk about?” my mother said, having completed her greeting to Tommy and now had immediately forgotten about him, like a lone servant in a corner of the room.

- “Oh, you even called your mother over, but you won’t tell me?” Tommy said to me, acting offended. “So it’s about a girl anyway, is it?”

Tommy, you annoying fuckwit!

I sighed lightly, quickly glancing back towards my bedroom, and then back to my mother and Tommy again.

- “Look...”

I searched in my minds for the words to formulate myself with, but understood soon enough that it was meaningless. The sudden drive of thoughts I'd had had passed by the moment they appeared. They’d draw their own conclusions as soon as I opened my mouth...I might as well just get it over with.

- “You have to be quiet”, I said silently, waving towards my bedroom. “She’s sleeping in my bed.”

- “Oh my god...”

My mum covered her mouth with her hand, looking sternly at me. I could hear Tommy barely covering a mischievous giggle.

- “William, I seriously thought you had a more responsible mind than-“

- “Mum...go take a look at her, and I’ll explain to you.”

- “Take a look?” Tommy whispered blithesomely to me. “What, is she dead? Don’t tell me you murdered her, Will!”

- “Oh, you have no idea how close I am to murdering someone right now...”

I could see my mother’s face turning a vicious red color as she stomped over to the bedroom, not caring about me telling her to keep it down. Tommy followed in her trail, eager to see what was hiding in my room.

The noise toned down, and in seconds, everything was quiet. I snuck away to the bedroom to see if the coast was clear. Well inside, I found both of them, seemingly locked in position, looking down at the little figurine in my bed. She was sleeping soundly.

- “Damn...she’s cute”, Tommy whispered.

My mother turned around and looked at me again.

- “She’s got a terrible fever...who is this?” she said.

- “She’s...um, I’m taking care of her. For the moment.”

- “Taking care of...for who?”

- “That’s the thing. I don’t know. I...um...I found her. This morning. She was out in the woods, where I was walking, and she was lying against a tree...and she was almost frozen solid. And now I took her here, and I tried to keep her warm, and...”

I took a pause, breathing in deeply while waving my arms to try and force my thoughts out.

- “...I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.”

My mum seemed to have slight problems digesting all I had just said. It took a long while before she said something.

- “You...found her?”

- “Yeah. In that nightgown she’s wearing; she didn’t have anything else.”

- “And you didn’t take her to the hospital? Or call her parents?”

- “She doesn’t want to go to the hospital...and she hasn’t said anything about her parents. I...she doesn’t even have a name. She says her parents never bothered.”

- “Okay...so for all you know, they could’ve left her out there to die, since they didn’t even give her a name?”

- “It’s possible...I’m not sure, of course. And...well, I'm stumped. I gotta do something for her.”

- “Dear, you have to get her to the hospital.” My mother looked at Crystal and laid a hand against her forehead, just as I had done before. “It’s not about ‘what she wants’ in this case, she’s-“

A small hand reached out and took my mother’s. Crystal was looking up at her with her shimmering eyes.

- “Oh, hey there, honey!” my mother said, slightly taken aback by the sudden movement. “Are you feeling okay?”

- “They’ll hurt me”, Crystal said. “Don’t take me back to them...they’re mean to me, and they’ll hurt me...”

- “Sweetie, they’re not bad people at the hospitals”, my mum said, and I noticed a slight trembling in her voice. “They’ll take care of you. They’ll fix you up.”

- “I’m fine”, Crystal replied. “I promise. I’m fine. I don’t want to go back...”

Her hand sank back into the bed covers again. Mum looked at me.

- “The way she's speaking...that’s a pickle right there”, she said. “I think I see what you mean.”

Mum had noticed it too - the way that Crystal made statements, sounding so much like clear facts that you almost felt stupid trying to correct her.

- “...her parents. It's the only lead I know. Maybe I should look for her parents.”

- “Maybe you should do that. We only have assumptions so far. Maybe they’re really nice people.”

- “Or maybe they never existed”, I mumbled. “You know, like if she’s some kind of genetic experiment test tube thingie...”

- “Don’t be silly, William.”

- “But still...until I find her parents...what then?”

- “You take care of her”, Tommy suddenly said, having stood quiet all this time and studied Crystal from the bedside.

- “Eh? No, Tommy, no...I’m a bachelor, for crying out loud. I can’t cook, I can’t plan my chores, I can’t focus on one thing for longer than a few minutes! I can’t take care of kids. Really, I can’t.”

My mum smiled at me.

- “So much better to learn soon, then”, she said.

- “But-“

- “If you get any problems, give me a call and I’ll rush over. I’m sure you can take care of it, William. She seems pretty attached to you, eh?”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My mother, who thought I was so inept at taking care of children that she had reproved me for playing "House" with my big sister when we were younger. She wanted me to take care of a bruised, weak, extremely dependent little child. A girl, on top of that. I almost thought of the idea to portray myself as a potential molester to avoid this sudden responsibility. My common sense quickly gave that thought a boot in the rear.

- “But-!! Mum!”

- “Will...”

Crystal’s voice came faintly from her bed, and I turned towards her, kneeling down by the bed. I was faintly surprised that she had actually bothered to remember what my name was.

- “What?”

- “Do you...dislike me?”

- “What- no! No, Crystal...it’s just...I’ve known you for a better five hours! I know nothing about you. I just...I just want you to be somewhere where you’ll be taken care of. I mean, by a person that can. I...want you to be somewhere where you’ll be happy.”

- “I’m happy here.”

She gave me one of her rare smiles, and I felt warmth sink straight through me. Was this why my mother had suddenly become so easily swayed? I could practically feel my determination melt off and vaporize. Did Crystal use this spell on my mother, too? Is that what suddenly made her so adamant on me taking care of her?

- “I promise I won’t be a bother. Okay?” she said meekly.

- “Crystal, that’s not the thing...”

My voice died away.

- “...fine. If you...fine. I'll do it. You can stay.”

- “It’s decided then!” Tommy said to me. “You lucky bastard, you! Ain’t she just the cutest thing!”

- “She sure is, and I’ll be sure to keep her at a safe distance from you”, I told him with a nod, more serious than I had planned for it to be. Pah, he could take it.

- “I’m sure you’ll do fine”, my mum said to me. “Remember to call if there’s any problems, okay?”

- “Yeah...yeah, I will.”

And so they took off, Tommy completely forgetting his bladder issue. I put mum’s food into the fridge. Remembering the pizza inside the microwave, I picked it out and laid it down on a plate to Tinny, who wolfed it down with blazing excitement. Crystal probably wanted something more nutritional than pizza anyway. Who knows how long she might’ve been without food. I went into my room and leaned over the bed.

- “I guess we’re family now, then”, I whispered to her.

She was already sleeping again. I kissed her forehead and went out to heat up mum’s food.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Also, I made a little doodle.

Spoiler

Edited by Horn, 28 December 2012 - 12:31 AM.

UIqflpq.jpg


#10
Katzen

Katzen

    Fried Potato

  • Members
  • 937 posts
that was retardedly cute. i can't.
oh god.

first, it's beautifully written! the thoughts just flow from the paragraphs pretty seamlessly. second, i love the dashes of humor in it :3
yay for tinny and tommy! XD

guys taking care of little kids are so adorable. aaaaand i hope we get to know Crystal's story soon!

awesome work, Rob <3

 яαιηвσω яσ¢кѕ ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙| SlhbZiq.gif


#11
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
IM SHO EXCITED!!!
I WANT MOAR!!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#12
annihilator

annihilator

    Couch Potato

  • Members
  • 2,035 posts
  • Locationnomad...
havent read this one yet...

i'll get into it... ^^

...m y a l t e r e g o...


Posted Image


#13
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Hee hee, its so awesome.
People are starting to come out with their stories more and more.
This is gonna be great!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#14
Senesce

Senesce

    Potato

  • Members
  • 138 posts
  • LocationRivendell
I love the characters. Their personalities are just so "dawww".

A lot of feel good here, man. Good stuff. <3
"Remember this always: the fly, even in paradise, must always exist on shit."
- Frances Pauli from The Fly in Paradise

#15
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
I know right?
I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#16
Katzen

Katzen

    Fried Potato

  • Members
  • 937 posts
30 min failart of Crystal lol, coz bf arrived:

Posted Image

 яαιηвσω яσ¢кѕ ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙| SlhbZiq.gif


#17
n/aㅤㅤ

n/aㅤㅤ

    Potato

  • Members
  • 157 posts

Tommy, you annoying fuckwit!


Why do I keep thinking about this?~
oAo

Anyway, I love the little bits of humor and cuteness all mixed together which gives me that nice warm fuzzy feeling inside~
=^^=

Edited by ☆Snazzy☆Zombie☆Mudkip☆, 12 August 2012 - 02:13 PM.


#18
Horn

Horn

    Baked Potato

  • Members
  • 1,078 posts
  • LocationWelded to my computer chair.
Little bit of a "filler" part this time around. Worry not, the next part will be...a tad more interesting. ;)
Oh yes - don't be afraid of letting me know if you find any errors or inconsistencies in any part of the story. I aim to please my readers.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I didn’t get much sleep that night. Hey, wonder why. My life got turned upside down in a single day. Just like that, I had an enormous new responsibility, one that I didn’t think I’d get in yet another decade. And when I’d called my mother for advice, she had gone “sure, you can keep her”, as if Crystal had been some t-shirt I’d picked out at the Gap.

And the behavior of that girl...it overthrew every fact I thought I knew about five year olds. Kids in general crept me the heck out. They scream, they complain, they whine, they cry. Not Crystal. She didn’t scream, she didn’t complain, she didn’t whine. She did cry, but...more on the inside, than on the outside. Silent tears instead of loud bawling. Of course, she had every reason to cry out loud...but she just wouldn’t. Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she had become so suppressed from wherever she came from so she just wasn’t able to express herself.

Also, this warmth that she filled me with, just by looking at me...like she had known me her whole life.

As I fell asleep, I dreamt of large, black-suited men, the kind you see in every FBI movie. They silently pushed through my door, into my house, towering over me, petrifying me by fear. They lifted the frail little body out of my bed, and moved away, floating like ghosts, muttering something about a scientific experiment and to erase my memory. I tried to run after her, but my feet were molten into the floor; I tried to scream, but only managed to gurgle pathetically as they moved farther and farther away from me. The look of her sparkling blue eyes were the only thing left, forever etched in my memory...

I jolted awake from my hallucinations, staring straight up towards the roof, panting heavily. My face and back were covered in sweat, and my heart was pumping angrily behind my ribs. The pictures from my dream were still clear in my head, but I forced myself to calm down.

Maybe all of it had been a dream?

No, she was real all right, I thought as I glanced over the dim room. I was sleeping out on the couch, and she was sleeping in my bed. Those eyes, I thought...that deep color, overflowing with emotions, but still so difficult to read anything at all out of...that can impossibly have been a figment of my imagination. That’s not a color that existed anywhere else in this world.

Was she even human?

The thought hadn’t struck me until now. Her conduct was so completely different from anything I’d ever seen. Sure I had read a lot of stories on that subject...robots, cyborgs, androids, aliens, whatever you cared to call it...

I wanted to shelve the thoughts with a raise of my shoulders, but I couldn’t. The people in those stories always did that. Right before their skin was peeled off like a banana’s by a cybernetically enhanced preschooler with lasers coming out of their eyes.

Man, I read too many books. But I still couldn’t get over it.

The clock showed two-fifty in the middle of the night. I groaned and shuffled over, trying to catch my sleep back to me again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


- “Crystal? You awake?”

- “Mmm.”

I pushed the door up silently and peered inside my room. She looked back at me with a lightly bleary expression over her face.

- “Did you sleep well?”

- “Mmm.”

- “Are you feeling better?”

- “Mmm.”

- “...I was going to skip my morning walk today to try and take care of you a little, but I realized just now that I have to pay a visit to the shop anyway...”

- “It’s okay. Tinny can keep me company.”

- “Eh, I dunno about that”, I mumbled, scratching the back of my neck lightly, more out of tension than because of an itch. “I think you should rather try to sleep more...your body will take care of itself better if you let it.”

- “I don’t feel that sick any longer.”

- “...mmh. Maybe I’m worrying too much. Just...keep in mind that you’ve been lying out under the stars for Lord knows how long...say, you still don’t remember anything from before that?”

She lowered her glance, shaking her head lightly.

- “All right. Anyway, I’m off for a little bit. I, uh...well...I need to get you something to wear. I can’t imagine that ragged gown being very efficient in fall weather...” Not to mention the looks she’d get by the street perverts, I thought to myself, laying my hand over my mouth to prevent an accidental slip of the tongue.

- “Mmm.”

- “If you’re feeling better later on, you can take a shower if you want...I think it’d do you good. There are towels on the rack in the bathroom.”

- “Mmm. Thanks.”

I hesitated when leaving the room, but still left the door slightly ajar for Tinny. Crystal seemed to enjoy her company, so what the heck. I put on my motorbike helmet, and then crouched down and patted Tinny on the head, who had just woken up and was giving me a look with a strange blend of grogginess and anxiety.

- “I’ll be back in short”, I whispered to her, scratching her under the chin. “Take care of Crystal while I’m gone, ‘kay?”

UIqflpq.jpg


#19
Maia

Maia

    The Resident Neko

  • RP Section Mod
  • 2,441 posts
  • LocationLost in the Echo
Ooooooooh, interesting.
MOAAAAAR!!!!!

cei7ea6l_zpsde6a65e1.png

Need staff help? You can go to Staff Support.
Need site help? You can go to Batoto Support.
You can use the Report button if you find anything that is in violation of the Site Rules.
If all else fails you can feel free to send me a PM.


#20
Autumn

Autumn

    Russet Potato

  • Members
  • 361 posts
  • LocationBelgium
Oh... nice :) I'll keep an eye out for this.

*Ninja'd since... 2011*


Also... can't seem to do calculations properly

 


"Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne blessent mon coeur d'une langueur monotone" (Paul Verlaine)

-> if you're bored and don't know french, you can always try to (google-)TL this^^