***
“Hmm... A tricky proposition...” said Cocytus. “And since our Master is an undead Lich, just how are we going to get him to impregnate someone with an heir? His skeletal body is not exactly equipped for the... umm... ‘intimate activities’ necessary to complete such a task.”
“What do you mean?” protested Albedo. “Ainz-sama could definitely satisfy me should he ever wish to!” And with that, Albedo stormed off in irritation.
Cocytus leaned in close to Demiurge and whispered, “Is she not aware of our skeletal lord’s need for a different kind of ‘boner’ to be able to impregnate her with an heir?”
Demiurge replied, “For someone so intelligent as her, I myself am constantly surprised at her naivety. You would think that a succubus like Albedo would know all about sex, but since she has been keeping herself solely for Lord Ainz, she apparently knows absolutely nothing about such things! We shall have to diplomatically educate her on the necessary procedures for impregnation.”
Cocytus shivered and replied, “I am NOT going to have THAT discussion with her! Why don’t YOU teach her.”
Demiurge rubbed his forehead and with a pained expression on his face said, “You’re right. We must have one of the women here at Nazarick educate Lady Albedo on this matter. But WHO…!?”
“Shalltear is probably the most experienced and knowledgeable about this delicate matter” declared Cocytus. “But as Albedo’s rival for Lord Ainz’ love, she is just as liable to fill Albedo’s head with all sorts of useless nonsense that might only lead to our Lord becoming highly pissed off and even more resistant to the idea of producing an heir!”
“Then what about one of the Pleiades Battle Maids?” asked Demiurge.
“Hmm... That sounds like a good idea. How about getting Yuri to do it? After all, she is the leader of the Battle Maids.”
Demiurge shook his head. “No... She is too motherly and would only teach Lady Albedo the basics. We should get one of the others to explain things to Albedo... preferably one with a more sluttish personality so that our Lord Ainz will be happily satisfied by the experience.” He scratched his chin and said, “What about Entoma? She is very lustful. Surely she has the knowledge and experience to be a good Sex Ed teacher.”
Cocytus took a step back in shock and declared, “Oh, not just no, but HELL, NO!!! She is an arachnid and ALWAYS kills and eats her lovers! I was invited into her chambers one day and saw the skulls of over 700 of her former lovers lined up on shelves! I turned around and quickly left as she was looking at ME with seductive eyes and I had no desire to join the others as a souvenir displayed on her damn wall!!”
“Well, then,” Demiurge pressed on, “What about Solution Epsilon? She is well known for her sluttyness.”
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” proclaimed Cocytus. “Master Sebas once told me that he saw her having sex with a man once while they were on assignment in E-Rangel and right after the unfortunate soul entered her with his fully erect manhood, it was dissolved and absorbed by Solution, leaving the poor fellow emasculated and bleeding to death!” The insectoid warrior shuddered with sympathy pains at the thought. “And before you suggest it, forget about CZ2128! She is a mere automaton and has no interest in sexual matters. Likewise, don’t even consider Lady Narberal either. She is too damn formal and stuck-up to be a good teacher.”
“Hmm...” thought Demiurge. “It seems that none of the Battle Maids will be an appropriate instructor of intimacy for Lady Albedo. And Aura is too childlike in her attitude to be of any use in this.” His tail twitched in frustration as he went on, “Neuronist Painkill has also shown a desire to be a lover to Lord Ainz, but I fear that her skills lie more in torture and pain than in pleasure. So where does that leave us? We simply MUST have someone to teach Lady Albedo the finer points of sexual techniques.”
Cocytus’ insectoid antennae started waving around nervously as he said, “Well, there is always that human woman that Master Sebas has been keeping... I think her name is Tsundere or something like that...”
“No, it’s Tsuare” said Demiurge. “And isn’t she a virgin? What makes you think that she can give Albedo any good information?”
“Have you not noticed her recently acquired sense of self-confidence? She may have been getting trained as a future Battle Maid by Yuri-san, but you know how that nosy bastard, Victim, keeps track of all of Nazarick’s goings on, and I have it on his authority as our most accomplished snoop that Sebas has been giving that human woman some rather extensive ‘Private Lessons’. Victim even told me that he saw Master Sebas coming out of Tsuare’s chambers recently with a HUGE smile on his face while walking on unsteady, weak knees!”
“Perfect,” said Demiurge with a wide smile. “We will get Tsuare to teach Lady Albedo all about proper sexual technique!” Demiurge frowned once more and continued, “But what about our Lord Ainz? What do we do about his, umm, er... well, his LACK of the proper BONE to supply us with an heir?”
Pretending to clean one of his antennae with a clawed arm, Cocytus answered in a conspiratorial voice, “We will obviously have to use some sort of magic to temporarily give our Lord the, er... ‘Hardware’ to perform the act of impregnating Lady Albedo, if you know what I mean...”
Demiurge shook his head in confusion. “I know of no such magic that can accomplish this. Do you know of any?”
“No, I don’t” said Cocytus. “But there are countless forgotten magic items in Nazarick’s treasure vault. Surely there is something there that will work.”
Demiurge replied, “Then let us consult Pandora’s Actor. He knows about EVERY item in the vault. If there is anything there that will help us, he will know!”
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