M.R.P.

i thought it was better than most of what i read on here and do not agree with most of the criticism levied. english wasn't perfect at times and the dialogue could be more emotional. I think an artist should generally try to produce something that they can be proud of rather than something they think a certain subset of people will be able to enjoy.

Sid1ous : What?

First off, let's be completely honest here. A lot of the feedback on here is pretty considerate. Nothing is "bashing", nor has anyone really been rude about it. You have to understand the sheer quantity of talented manga/manhwa artists and authors that already have work on here. These individuals are actually offering a lot of really good advice.

However, you talked about bashing, so I figured I'll give what those other individuals didn't. A more blunt approach.

Even for free I feel like this is a rip off.

There's huge issues with cohesion in terms of plot. Within the first chapter I've already been greatly confused and had to re-read to properly understand what exactly was happening. This isn't helped by some of the repetition in the dialogue and just bizarre plot developments. We got from being thrown into a world, to fighting a monster, to some guy that looks like a pirate saving them to all the sudden class changing and boom. So much stuff happens that your brain tries to process it all and it just comes across as a jumbled mess.

The art itself suffers severly from proportion issues. Is that headband of the main character just supporting his hair? Or is his forehead that huge? Characters constantly change in shape and size and to be honest the whole thing looks like it was a rough draft that was outlined and colored.

Considering the fact that the entire thing smacks of a huge ripoff of anime cliches, mainly Sword Art Online and .Hack for the premesis, I get the impression that not a whole lot of time was put into actually refining the piece. This desparately needs an editor and a proofer.

There's potential here and I'm curious to see how it'll be going, but try to also understand that the harsher the advice, the more you can apply it to actually improve the product. Nothing is perfect, but that doesn't mean one can't strive for improvement.

Yes it's a bit unfortunate but this comic does need some work. I'm going to critique as I would any comic. The writing has already been mentioned so I'll move unto the art. The artist needs to reinforce the basics of anatomy as there is a lot of inconsistency in the heads and the faces. With anatomy, you need the underlying structure to make sense or else it won't work out. I would suggest to stop copying from anime directly. This is not a slight but it simply doesn't help the basics when you copy from a style. The girl looks like she's been lifted from various Faye Valentine Cowboy Bebop images. The angles in the comic also need work as to engage interest you should work on perspective and dynamic angles. There are far too many close up and static panels and far too few establishing shots. The character designs when dealing with the video game characters do seem potentially interesting but the problem is that they're the only interesting designs. It's obvious the artist really likes designing these types of characters and that's fine but if you want to draw a comic with humans as well, it would help to practice to improve.

I would argue that you guys should probably commit yourselves to some more practice and accept more feedback in order to improve and eventually create a quality comic. Take classes, submit to forums where you will get more constructive feedback, practice, etc. There is nothing wrong with having a style or having ideas that are inspired from anime/manga but don't let yourselves fall into the trap of confining yourself to a single style you must copy.

Even the most popular manga artists have a background in art and their placement of anatomy, stylized or not becomes evident. I understand that you placed this on Batoto to get some recognition and awareness from the community you want as an audience but it would probably work best to create a webcomic site as this is not a professional work and there is still room for a lot of improvement.

If this were a webcomic hosted on its own website, I'm sure most of us would judge it as such, maybe more favorably. But you chose to put this on Batoto, and we are used to seeing professional works from published authors, brought to us by the grace of skilled scanlators.

If a work is not up to par with the rest of the material on here, yeah, it's gonna stand out, and we'll criticize it.

Here's the deal the extra narration will be removed for the next issue. The artist is foreign and didn't understand it and it was already colored with no way to remove it. From now on it will be like a normal Comic/Manga where only dialogue and thinking is seen besides the art. Its very fun to bash things on the net but a lot of work went into this and it will only improve from now on, if you like the basic idea and some character designs what could it hurt to watch or follow it? You're getting it for free... Thanks for the time.

Well I like that everything is in colour like in manhwa..

I won't hit this story with a bat like everyone else did. I don't really mind how this is done. It's more an american-style comic book than an actual manga. Even so, the author focused more on re-telling what happened on the panels rather than telling the story.

The idea is sort of interesting but it's not something that people would recommend. The art isn't that bad but it's just the story that's bugging me and how it's told. I have eyes and I can see what they're doing, you don't have to tell what what they're doing when you could've told some background story behind the characters instead.

Poor decision making in a nutshell.

So bad that it will stay bad no matter what.

Never mind the art, the writing is TERRIBLE.

That summary just read it and you might as well have the whole story without any art

Trying to hop on the whole "people in videos games" wagon. and I agree with @seika. The narration is extremely annoying.

Nothing to do here. There's potential, but none of it is used. The narration is amazingly annoying - it's like the author(s) admitting they can't convey the story properly through just the art. 'Show, don't tell' is the oldest writing adage in the writing world, and it counts double for a visual medium.

Well... quite the summary.

this is so bad it goes right past "so bad it's good" and straight to BAD.