Horn

This is Kristofer Soak. It's my most personal, most cared-for OC. He came into existence when I was doodling, back when I was maybe fifteen or sixteen or so, listening to Onesidezero on my earphones in the meantime, in particular to this song called Soak, hence his name (the first name is grabbed at random; I was kinda particular to that funky spelling). You can find that particular doodle as well as some others of him in the original characters topic that lies around here somewhere in the graphix forum. Anyway - I really liked the way I'd drawn him for some reason; the large featureless eyes, the prominent cheekbones, the hair always angled towards one single specific direction, the dirty and torn clothes, and usually listening to some sort of music player. (The comically sized sledgehammer became signature of his some time later.) So, he became my embodiment; my persona, so to say, and as I was in a rather fragile mental state and suffered from certain levels of anxiety and depression even back then, I used the guy as an outlet for pure horror stuff. I drew several pictures of him, included him in some online roleplays, and even wrote my own story of him; he was a colorless, Sin City-esque character who acted as my proxy, beating people up, tearing people to shreds, burning people alive, all kinds of disgusting stuff that went through my mind when I was down in the dumps and needed to let off steam somehow; he was fueled by his mere thirst for vigilante justice and aided by an accelerated regeneration ability. Occasionally he could also start bleeding randomly. Y'know, all edgy and shit.

 

Fast forward to recently. Maybe just a month ago or so. I'm at work, by my machine, wanting to doodle something but I don't quite know what. And so I remember this guy. Hey, this was a long time ago. Maybe I'll make a fresh version of him. And so I get to work, and I sketch out all his features from memory. And all the memories of this guy and his antics come back as I do so, in form of the stories I wrote, the drawings I made, and the emotions I felt, and around halfway through I start to realize something.

This doesn't feel good. At all. In fact, it feels downright repulsive.

And I realize... This isn't me anymore.

I compare my feelings from then and now, and realize how much better I feel nowadays, how much further I've come. And Kristofer, as much as I loved him as a character in the past, has now become obsolete. His values are no longer my values. I don't need him to be my outlet anymore. Yet, he is what he is; I can't remodel him and make him a "nice guy" all of a sudden, because he carries so much of my disgusting baggage and so many of my disgusting memories.

So, it became my decision, there and then. I decided to finish this doodle of him, and along with this doodle, I also finish the last chapter of his existence in my life. This is the last drawing, or anything at all, that I'll ever make of him.

It's been a great ride. You've been a great comrade. I'm sorry I heaped so much shit over you. Rest in peace now.

Yeah, told you it was gonna become stupid. ^^ Acting all deep about a guy I created.