Some say that the Second Magic dictates that all Emiya Shirou are real, that each Emiya is just as real as the others. Even the infamous and probably insane EMIYA is considered to be as real as an Emiya comprised of flesh and blood.
But this is false.
There is only one Emiya. There is only one true protagonist. And you are now staring at him.
One True Emiya's Exclusive Q & A Session
Warning: UBW and Zero spoilers!
Spoiler
Q: What's this?
OTE: This is a Q & A session, where you'll be able to sate your curiosity over the world's greatest Ally of Justice! I hear people call this an FAQ, but Illya said it's cooler to call it a Q & A...
Q: Why are you the One True Emiya? OTE: Because there are too many Emiya around. Look around you, my friend. You'll see many people with Shirou avatars, pretending to be me. They are all fakes. I am the only one who understands my ideal completely, and strives to fulfil it utilising only heroic* methods. *subject to exemptions. Exemptions include fighting against the Evil True Kirei
Q: Which Emiya are you? OTE: I'm not one of the forty-five Shirou documented in the story Fate/Stay Night, which is actually based on real events that have taken place not long ago in Fuyuki, Japan. If you must compare though, my fate was the closest to that of the UBW True Shirou.
Q: How are you differnt from UBW True Shirou? OTE: Remember how that Shirou fought Gilgamesh in the final Grail War battle, and he chopped off his arm?
Yeah well, I chopped off his head.
Q: Please tell us about your Grail War in detail! OTE: Alright, alright. Get ready for a long story though. Images are included, as well as personal commentary.
Spoiler
It all began with the summoning of Saber.
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She saved me from getting killed by Lancer, and proceeded to fend him off by copying his Personal Skills. Turns out she didn't have to fight for long though, because Lancer then tripped on his shorter lance and impaled himself.
Spoiler
I never forgave him for stabbing me either, so we're even.
1 down, 5 to go.
Then Archer came around, but I told Saber not to attack him because I realised that my long-time crush, Tohsaka Rin, was his Master. I noticed that Archer was acting weirdly around Saber though, so I thought he probably had a crush on her. This was when I learnt not to trust the crafty bastard. He probably wanted to steal my (then in-progress) harem. At one point, he even asked for her true identity! How direct and unsubtle!
It was almost as if he was mistaking Saber for someone else, if I hadn't known that he was such a crafty liar.
We met the priest. He was a dick.
Spoiler
^TWAT
Something inside me told me never to turn my back on him. Ever. He'd creep up on me and say some weird one-liner for sure. I would've gone and strangled him for good measure (all in the name of justice and public safety), but since we were in a church and Rin was Christian, I held back.
We left shortly afterwards, only to meet a cute little girl and her giant Servant Berserker. She introduced herself as Illyasviel von Einzbern, and seemed to take an unhealthy interest in me.
Spoiler
I was a bit creeped out. So I did what any responsible Master would do and ask Rin to deploy Archer against them. He would die for the greater good, I would keep my (still developing) harem, and we would take that time to GTFO. It was the perfect plan.
Alas, Illyasviel (who told me to call her Illya) sent Berserker towards me immediately, ignoring Archer completely. The rest, as you can say, is history.
Spoiler
(as seen by me during the fight. A bit blurry as my Clairvoyance skill wasn't well-honed back then)
The next few days went by similar to UBW Shirou's. The only difference was that I had seen Archer's dual blades in the Berserker fight that night, so I had already begun to notice my (very very healthy) obsession with bladed objects.
When Rin confronted me, the shock of danger forced my circuits open, and I projected my first pair of blades, Kanshou and Bakuya.
Spoiler
(this confrontation happened later, though events play out similarly, so I've taken the liberty to supply you with this memory instead)
I didn't want to reduce my harem back to a measly 1 though, so I spared Rin. That was when Rider confronted the both of us, right in the classroom hallway. She stabbed me, but Rin managed to detonate a few gems and send her retreating.
That night, I had a weird dream. I was in a very low-budget movie, starring as the main protagonist. And boy oh boy was it bad.
Spoiler
Fate/Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works the Movie? What a nightmare.
On the bright side, I woke up from that dream pretty quickly. On the other hand, it was because Caster had dragged me to the Ryuudo Temple and was about to kill me. So I decided I would return the favour by plunging a blade into her.
Then Archer intervened.
Spoiler
THIS WILL NOT BE THE LAST TIME HE KILL-STEALS FROM ME. AND BESIDES, HE MESSED UP HIS KILL, THE TWAT.
After sending Caster packing, Archer and I had a slight disagreement. So he kicked me down the Ryuudo Temple steps, where Saber was pointedly trying to avoid Assassin and get into the temple. This began a 3-way fight between us, Archer and Assassin.
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Assassin managed to use Tsubame Gaeshi on Archer, but before the three strikes actually hit him, we took the opportunity to send Assassin back to wherever he came from. And when I say we, I meant mostly Saber.
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This is my view of the incident. Saber behind Assassin as he delpoys his Tsubame Gaeshi. GG Assassin.
2 down, 4 to go.
After that, Rin apologised to me, and said she had Archer on a tight leash now. Harem count: 2. Slowly but steadily, my harem protag Ally of Justice powers were growing.
A few days later, while Rin, Saber and I were on one of our dates, we visited this enigmatic castle in the middle of the Einzbern Forest. I heard that Illya was there, and I wanted to make peace with her, so I had brought some offerings along (candy, chocolate and Archer). But we were ambushed by Caster, and Rin was badly hurt when she crashed into Caster's bounded field.
Spoiler
I sensed magic in the air. So, as a gentleman, I asked Rin to walk ahead of me just in case.
We managed to fend off Caster long enough for Archer to blow a hole in the bounded field. But as we left, Caster flew towards me with her dagger. I countered by pushing Archer in front of me and running away while I still could.
Spoiler
He wasn't the happiest man in the world when he got Rule Breaker'd, but he wasn't complaining either. I'm certainly not, a threat to my harem has been neutralised!!
That night, after I patched up Rin at my house, Saber and I went to the top of a skyscraper to plan our next move.
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To our surprise, Rin came to us and said she still wanted to fight. But I wanted to keep my harem safe, so I told her to give up. Then, Saber and I leapt off the skyscraper, humming our favourite theme song, This Illusion (2015).
The next morning, just before dawn, Saber and I tried once more to go to the Castle, but we were confronted by Rider. She stabbed me and ruined my new school jacket.
I killed her.
Spoiler
Saber says I should take Servants more seriously next time, as not every one of them is as weak as Rider.
3 down, 3 to go.
I saw a worm scamper away, but I couldn't care less. Just as I was about to resume my march to the Loli, my phone rang. It was Archer, and he wanted a chat.
Spoiler
I told him, eloquently, to put his Kanshou in his Bakuya and leave me alone.
But he told me where Caster's hideout was before I hung up, so now we had no choice but to double back and kill Caster first.
Long story short, we reached the hideout (which was ironically the crappy church), bumped into Rin, and together we confronted Team Caster. Rin would distract Kuzuki while Saber fights Archer and I fight Caster.
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Needless to say, I overwhelmed her.
BUT THEN. ARCHER APPEARS AND STEALS. MY. KILL.
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What I saw. The shot barely missed me, striking Caster straight in the head. After this, Saber admitted that Archer kept her at bay via repeated throws of Kanshou and Bakuya, before running into the church and stealing my kill.
4 down, 2 to go.
I heard him say Trace On though, so I figured out who he was pretty quickly. He wanted a "battle to the death" between the two of us. I agreed, and told him to meet us in the Ryuudo Temple in two days.
So the next day, Saber and I went over to the Castle (finally) and intercepted an unknown blonde Servant beating down Berserker.
Spoiler
Illya identified him as an irregular afterwards, and told me he was Gilgamesh, the King of Heroes who owned everything.
Which was probably why he stopped attacking Berserker and focused on shooting at me once I got there, because I was what he called a "faker". But Berserker was in the way, so he had to take him down first.
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It was only a matter of time before he shaved off all 12 lives.
We took this time to grab Illya and get out of there.
Along the way we meet a worm. I threatened him with a sword and he confessed he was Gilgamesh's Master. I kicked him away and told him to tell Gil to meet me at Ryuudo the next day. He then scampered over to the Castle.
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Illya wasn't happy with what I did at first, but she warmed up to me pretty quickly. She told me about how the Grail was actually corrupt, and would unleash curses onto the world if anyone used it. As an Ally of Justice, it was my duty to stop it.
So I amended my original plan. I would go and fight Gilgamesh directly, using my Reality Marble, Unlimited Blade Works. Instead of using Archer to weaken him first, I would use Archer's twisted sense of justice to force him to suicide-bomb the grail via an anti-fortress Noble Phantasm. Saber would assist me in pulling off the Reality Marble, and then ensure that Archer finishes the job.
Needless to say, everything went as planned. Saber bought me enough time to chant UBW with her Aestus Domus Aurea...
Spoiler
When the field eventually broke down, I spammed some swords to buy time. Saber then went over to Archer to make sure he was doing his job properly.
This gave me time to summon UBW.
Then I was GAR.
Then I chopped off Gil's head.
And Archer blew up the Grail (along with himself).
All according to keikaku.
So when it was all over, I felt a presence behind me. It was the priest. He introduced himself as the True Kirei.
And we fought like heroes.
I stabbed him in the end.
And just like that, he died.
And I lived happily ever after with Saber, Illya and Rin.
...until this happened.
Q: What happened? OTE: True Kirei appeared before me one day and dragged me into a black hole. Together we tumbled through the multiverse until we fell into this website. We fight for supremacy to this very day.
Q: Why do you fight True Kirei? OTE: True Kirei is an evil that I, as an Ally of Justice, must eradicate. He spreads his "yuetsu", bringing destruction wherever he goes. I fight against him, representing humanity and all harem MCs.
Q: Do you have any regrets? OTE: I have no regrets,
This is the only path.
Q: What is your relationship with Illya? OTE: HEAVEN'S FEEL SPOILERS GUYS, SKIP THIS SPOILER IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE VN.
Spoiler
We're brother and sister. She's my erm...onee-imotou-chan.
Also, I may be a harem protag, but I'm no lolicon. So get your mind out of that gutter :V
Q: Have you watched the Tsukihime anime? OTE: Still waiting for one. Poor Tohno-kun doesn't even have an anime...
Q: What did you think of Sehai-kun's advice on becoming a hero? OTE: A load of bullshit. Killing one million people with only a kitchen knife is impossible, you know. I personally prefer an efficient bombing raid. Then I can walk into the scene and save a child, and become a hero~
Q: Why did you attack/maim/kill xxxx? OTE: Either because he was threatening innocent people or because he was threatening my harem growth rate (1 girl per heroic adventure).
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