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The Illuminati

The Illuminati

Member Since 10 Mar 2012
Offline Last Active Dec 12 2018 11:46 AM

#1880662 Ask a stupid question and get a stupid Answer

Posted by The Illuminati on 04 June 2018 - 04:28 PM

Rice cakes and bean jelly on crackers. (Those are actual things, right?)

Why did the llama cross the freeway?

#1869933 Ask a stupid question and get a stupid Answer

Posted by The Illuminati on 26 March 2018 - 01:38 AM

Because Harry Potter is Love.

Is your name Sir Wigglesworth The Fourth, Lord of the Girth?

#1856738 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 15 January 2018 - 05:33 AM

That book will have to wait. We have power now but still no internet. And my mom used to internet to watch tv. Which means my laptop is now her tv. On the days I do get it for myself, my dad calls and asks for help rebuilding his home. So... Well, I have text books with lots of notes and ideas but not much else.

I have started reading fantasy novels to see what the competition's like. To my surprise, it's not as far off from how I usually write. So that's nice. I'm currently reading the 'Wheel of Time' and 'Lord of the Rings' books. With some other stuff. I joined Twitter recently. So that's one way we can stay in touch post-Batoto. ='(

#1856727 Batoto will be closing permanently

Posted by The Illuminati on 15 January 2018 - 04:43 AM

Thanks to everyone that made my time here some of the best that I've ever had. Much love, huggz and kisses to all the members and staffers. And here's hoping Grumpy finally finds his way to a warm beach with white sand!

Thank you all so much!!

#1821103 [RPG] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 06 September 2017 - 12:04 AM

Kitsurend: Rebirth

"Precisely... maybe 'she' was right about you," Akta whispered the last part more to herself than to Rend. "The real dangers of magic are pride, preconceptions... and careless trust. Remember, mage, true tests never end. Now let us clothes you in fabrics more fitting of your new status."

Goblin Brix: Walk of Shame

Brix emerged from Vexx's hut with a stupid grin painted across his ugly mug and some fresh lash-wounds covering his back. Stretching first, he then yawned loudly as he recalled the fun he'd just had a few hours ago. Vexx was still sleeping, completely spent from their fun time together -- torture in some cultures, but it was more of a mating dance in Brix's mind.


Her original intentions were to 'encourage' the younger goblin into revealing just how he'd survived his first night in the forest alone when groups of goblins his age couldn't even make it through the daytime. Once that was done, she would dispose of him and report back to her father. Instead of screams however, her efforts only dragged giggling fits from Brix's hideous mouth, frustrating Vexx. Infuriated by this, she quickly lost herself in her work as Brix suddenly became the outlet for her resentment at not having ranked-up yet -- seeing Brix's laughing face as that of the gods mocking her.

Brix's interpretation of last night however involved way more heart-shaped clouds, rainbow unicorns, and red roses than might have actually been present. And now that he was fully recharged, the goblin was eager to start the day. But too little of it remained for him to go hunting in the forest, so he decided that he would instead sell his loot and perhaps find a gift for Vexx, a thank-you of sorts for the beautiful time they'd spent together.


Goblin Brix



Redcreek 2.0
The Kingdom of Ebonvale is a beautiful, fertile land of rolling green countryside, magnificent cities, wheat fields and blossoming flowers. Her people are viewed as a bit grim by their neighbors but this is perhaps to be expected, given their never-ending war against the treacherous Elves, marauding Goblins, savage Pirates and other, less intelligent threats. Every year the people of Ebonvale shed blood to defend their land from the vicious humans and non-humans that prowl their borders. Atlos City is the largest city-state in the kingdom of Ebonvale -- best known for it's beautiful architecture, numerous libraries, and bountiful shops. Because it is where many noble families make their home, Atlos City tends to receive the largest number of visitors and has become the cultural heart of the Kingdom of Ebonvale.

Redcreek is the southernmost county of Atlos City, so named after the legend of the three wives who killed their husband and left his corpse hanging over a river, whiched turned the water red for three days and three nights. Red Creek is led by Mayor Wellings and is constantly attacked by bandits and monsters. On rare occasions goblins have even managed to reach Redcreek Village, home of Mayor Wellings, but most of the time they are held within their forest by the guards stationed at the local garrison.

The reason for this, it turns out, was that the garrison regularly took prisoners, thieves, and worse and sent them against the goblins. This removed the undisiarbles from within the community and kept taxes low by not having to feed or house these criminals. Once at the garrison, the prisoners were fitted with magical collars that forced them to obey whomever the collars deemed worthy. This was Ebb's fate, having been raised by orcs and being a mage, he would never fit into a regular, human society. Besides that, he had taken arms against fellow humans -- which could not and would not be tolerated. Those that sided with monsters against there own kind was the lowest of the low. And his punishment would be to die fighting his own kind, like a beast in an gladitaroial arena.

"Hey, you! You finally awake yet?" Ebb heard a woman whisper loudly before a sharp, stinging sensation pierced his side. "I want another story!"

"If you somehow let him take that stick from you," a stern voice said ominously. "I'll personally take you over my knee and disciple you properly. Now leave the prisoner alone, before you end up like his final victims."

"Wha-I," the female voice stuttered and blushed audibly.

"What?" The male voice cut in condescendly. "Are you going to defend him now, say that he was innocent? By the gods, you're so simple. It really is a small wonder that you're still a virgin."


"ENOUGH!" Isabela Asvianna bellowed as she rode up behind the two on her horse. "Everyone and their dead mother can hear you two! This is goblin territory, or have you so quickly forgotten your duties? Now shut your mouths and open your eyes!"

"Yes, Mi'lady!"

"...yes, Mi'lady." Satisfied that her subordinates had been properly chastised, Isabela rode on, not bothering to make eye-contact with the latest batch of prisoners that were about to be sent to there deaths -- for the betterment of the kingdom, and humanity as a whole.

"A bit harsh, wouldn't you say Mi'lady?" The commander of the local guard, Collin McSheare, asked quietly once Isabela's horse had caught up to his at the head of the processions.

"They need to learn or next it will be their heads." It was goblin mating season and thus goblin hunting season. But unlike mere animals, goblins enjoyed hunting humans too, taking them as prisons to do the gods only knew what. "Sadly their brains seem to be stuck firmly in their asses, so they'll be back to arguing in no time."

"Hey, hey!" Anna-Marie whispered again after awhile, riding closer to the prisoner carriage once Isabela was out of earshot. "So is it true what they say, are you a witch? Did you really learn magic from monsters and demons?"




#1820366 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 02 September 2017 - 01:02 PM

Yes, that's it exactly. So by the time our goblins starting entering into human territory, they'll have all of their memories back and will be looking to get some revenge.

#1820071 [RPG] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 01 September 2017 - 05:58 PM

Kitsurend: Rebirth


Rend's fangs and razor-sharp claws dripped with the stinking, black blood of the abomination but there was more to the act than her just devouring the rotting essence of a dead creature. Demons you see, unlike the beings of this world, were made almost entirely of magic. And as Rend ingested every bit and scrap she could find of the foul abomination while it's screams of agony sang sweetly in her ears, it's magic slowly infused itself within her being, becoming part of her. Her blood now hummed with newfound strength and power as ancient and forgotten secrets whispered in her ear. She also saw visions of another world, a passed life that had once been her own...

When it was all said and done, time had clearly passed but how much Rend couldn't know for sure. She was only certain of the memories of a time not long passed and the feeling of fire buring her body as it washed away all of the goblin impurities from her body and soul. She was remade, and reborn. Stronger, taller and even more cunning than she had been before. A long, slender tail suddenly came into view, carressing her cheek gently as if to alert her to it's presence as well. It was a single tail, like that of a fox, that had somehow attached itself to her naked form. Her mind whispered to her that one day there would be nine in total. And on that day... the large, fox-like ears on top of her head twisted, hearing new sounds within the silent, dead forest. Her nose tasted new smells as well, and one that was all too familiar by now.


Turning her head towards the smell, Rend's eyes narrowed as she peered into the endless shadows, seeing nothing at first, but then she saw her, Akta, her mentor, standing within the inky blackness of the dying day. How long had she been there? Other such questions slowly filled her mind but Akta didn't give her a chance to ask any of them as she left the shadows to stand next to Rend. Without sharing words, the golem that had been Rend's guide formed itself into a sort of throne for Akta to sit in. Crossing her legs as she sat, Akta didn't congratulate Rend on her rank-up or on seemingly completing her task successfully. No, there was no happiness in her cold eyes or praise in her icy voice. Just a single statement and question. "Simple killing," she spoke softly. "Is a warrior's job. So tell me, you who would become a mage, why did I give you this task?"

Darork: Riddles and the Golem VI

"Elder tree?! We were sent here to kill this monster," the golem whined, confused. "But instead of that, you're here trying to have tea and bisquets with the demon? Have you completely lost your mind! Attack it now, kill it!"

#1819167 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 30 August 2017 - 10:46 AM

How about we just use it (Re:Monster Naming System) as a 'true name'. So, like when your character is speaking to a god, or when the narrator speaks about you, they'll use your true name.



 On another note: I'm going to start writing for Brix again and bring back in the humans. The initial arc will actually be a prequel for our characters. So basically, our human characters will die at the end and be reborn as goblins. That way, when the goblins run into the humans later, they -- we -- will have a stronger reason to hate them (or at least, the human kingdom closest to the goblin village). This should help you figure out your human characters better. So now that they've been linked together, I imagine you guys will want to change something about their bio. So feel free to do so and post the updated bio here. I'll post an update character sheet (for both goblins and humans) here in a second.

#1816315 [RPG] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 22 August 2017 - 01:52 PM

Warlock Dar: Riddles and the Golem V


"Ah," the demon sang as he crossed his legs and pointed his jagged tail accusingly at Dar. "So you wish to learn the dance of blood? Blood is everything. Blood feeds and blood nourishes. Blood can twist minds, and in blood deals are made. There is power in blood, the power of life and death. And with great power, comes an even greater price. How many souls are you willing to... trade for my services? Just a few people from your village will do nicely. A smile price to pay to learn the dance of blood, wouldn't you say?"

#1815236 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 17 August 2017 - 06:27 PM

@Naifu: How does D'Alaces looks like?

The demon is no longer female. T'is a bro! The last update was edited to reflect this change.

#1814504 [RPG] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 14 August 2017 - 03:03 PM

Warlock Dar: Riddles and the Golem IV
Visibly disappointed by Dar's answer, the golem could only hang his head in defeat as he whispered to himself, "The brave are always the first to die." With the decision made and their final words spoken, the two set off on their journey -- one the golem was sure neither of them would return from alive.

On and on they went until they finally arrived in a part of the forest that was truly a wonder to behold. The trees consisted of candies and sugary sweets, while the rivers and ponds were made of a tasty, green liquid with assorted fruits and other delights floating inside. Above them, the sky was a bright pink and the clouds were yellow and delicious.

"Oh no," the golem cried suddenly and helplessly. "He has us! He's trapped us in his web of dreams and nightmares. Oh, why didn't you listen to me when there was still hope. Now we're doomed!" A wicked laughter echoed across the forest just then, as if to deepen the golem's fears and doubt.

"And who has entered into my lair? Is it another spider perhaps, or something more delicious and rare? Come now children, step forward and let me see your faces. There's no need to hide from your dear uncle D'Alaces." As he spoke, the trees parted and revealed the architect of this dream, a demon of lust and desire. "Tell me your wishes and give me your love. And I will make all of your dreams come true. This I swear."

#1811762 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 06 August 2017 - 03:58 PM

The story lines were already separated, so there's no need to put one on hold for the other. If anything, I'd probably start writing for Brix again to fill the void.

#1806564 [RPG] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 24 July 2017 - 03:39 PM

Goblin Rend: In a Forest, Dark and Deep IV
Bored of the insects still standing before him -- the uncivilized cretins didn't even have the decency to simply drop down to their knees and die once he announced that he was going to kill them, thus saving him the trouble of having to do so himself -- and being the leviathan of destruction that he was, the abomination decided to end things quickly by uprooting and then hurling several, decaying trees at the trio of goblins.

Mudpie was the first to go, thanks to his attention being locked onto the sticky goop that was stuck to his fingers. Because of this, the poor goblin couldn't dodge in time to avoid the massive trunk that came flying at him. Vomit had better luck however, having figured out how to handle the goop and then send it flying into the eye of the abomination. The beast roared in annoyance as it tried to free itself from the goop with its claws. With her target temporarily distracted, Rend went in for a successful attack.

Abomination of the Void: 6/12 HP, 6 DMG

Rend: 6 HP, 4 DMG
+ Poison Blades: +1 DMG

Mudpie: 0/3 HP
Vomit: 3 HP, 1 DMG

Warlock Dar: Riddles and the Golem I
The beach was covered in sand and littered with the bones of massive, ocean-dwelling monsters. And in the middle of all of this was Akta's special tree. As Dar approached and completed the necessary rituals to access it, she heard Akta's voice greeting her in her mind before it asked her three riddles to test her wisdom and intelligence:

1.) I can be found on a mountain, yet you can hold me in your hand or walk over me. I will outlive you. Name me.

2.) Using me, battles are never fought alone. With me, bonds are never broken. Reveal my identity.

3.) Consume me and you will choke, but within me is the key to life and growth. What am I?

#1806094 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 23 July 2017 - 09:38 AM

Just off of the top of my head: Blood and Steel, Blade of the Immortal, Vagabond, Feng Shen Ji and Heroes of Spring and Autumn.

#1804077 [OOCD] Rise of the Goblin Nation

Posted by The Illuminati on 16 July 2017 - 06:15 PM

How about you make a new and updated CS for Dar? Since she's an orc now and has experienced a multitude of different things, there's plenty for you to add to her bio. And since she's yours now, its only fitting to post the CS under your name.


I'll post an update tomorrow.