18 replies to this topic

[date_tsurugi]

Hi. So, yeah.
My first time posting a new topic ;______________; I'm so happy for some reason. And for the title of this topic... yes that. I'm going to post my originals' prologues. I liked writing. I so love writing. AND TELL ME PLEASE:

Idk why if I re-read all of my stories it seems like it's bad.
even though when I write them I'm like "MASTERPIECE YEEEEYYYYY"
D:
Forgive the grammatical mistakes and bad descriptions. Not bragging but I'm the best of the best in english at school TEEHEE. (juniorhigh 2nd year)
So... here it is!
Constructive critism appreciated! (Though I don't mind praises. LOL)

1
Genre(s): History, War
ZANDVOORT DE AN DE ZEE

Spoiler

I am sick of this war, so does the inlander here. This war is costing us many live and money, but Generaal Simon Hendrik Spoor still want us to hold off the line. Rescue isn’t coming at all, all men are either desperate, or pumped up to kill, they are morons, which call themselves war dogs. But war itself never changes, Casualties grown, yet no result at all.

My name’s Diederik, a Korporaal in Holland Royal Army. It all changed when the conscription flier came into my house, I was chosen to be one of the army to fight in Europe, in World War II. But now here I am, in Indonesia, fighting a useless war with my comrade--

“Korporaal Diederik”, a voice which I’m familiar with, nobody else but Adelbert’s. We’ve been in one unit since World War II, which we survived, somehow. “What is it Adelbert?” I asked, since this person is probably my only source of laughter right now. “You must now call me Sergeant Adelbert, Diederik.” He chuckled. I gave him a mock-happy expression, although he do know that I’m really congratulating him. “Congratulation Adelbert!, or must I say, Sergeant Adelbert?” we both laughed, It seems Adelbert had just got his promotion, judging that he was just a Korporaal yesterday. “Where did you have your promotion from?” “Of course from the Royal Army you slow head, although the word had spread that we lose this war.” Adelbert said, a grim expression on his face. “Really?” I asked, not quite believing the word that has just escaped his lips. “Yeah Diederik, we are getting pushed out of Java. We can’t even get this Petrol convoy into the airport can we? It’s too dangerous; we must wait until the situation’s getting better.”

It’s true, we are on a mission to move the Petrol for our aero plane, but we can’t since the road is often ambushed. Adelbert sighed a quite long sigh. “Problem is, the leader of the inlander now, which apparently named Soedirman, has a strategy to defeat us, they would sneak on us by the woods and mountains.” I silenced for a while. “Now don’t get so tensed up, let’s go drink some beer shall we Diederik?” “Haha, whatever you say Sergeant,” I said sarcastically, deciding that tensing up would be too stupid since we’re not under attack... yet.

This one is co-written with my gaming friend. The idea is his, and I'm only helping putting it to words > .
It's the story of the war between Indonesia and Dutch; which lasted about three centuries or more. It's written in the dutch korporaal's perspective, although I'm Indonesian. I'm looking for a challenge, because it seems every where (in here), dutch is always antagonized. I know that there are people who hates war but got dragged in nonetheless.


aaand that's all. All of my 'i-think-it's-good' stories are like, in Indonesian. orz.
So,... uhh, comments?



P.S. Excuse me if I'm offending someone with my works D=
P.S.S. I know the first one is cliche please forgive me =[ call it unoriginal because I'm convinced that someone already write with the same basic Idea as that one D:

EDIT. THANKS MAIA. my savior <3. And I deleted the first one b'cuz i think it's bad and I wanna re-do it ]=

lastly,

PLEASE DONT KILL ME

Attached Files

•  PROLOGUE I (CHOSEN ONE).docx   13.6KB   3 downloads
•  Prologue!Zandvoort de an de zee.docx   14.67KB   1 downloads

Edited by date_tsurugi, 30 August 2012 - 07:52 AM.

[OchaMeido❣]

.... I can't open the attachments... If possible, can you just show the whole thing here (meaning copy and paste) xD
That is one thing about attachment here .. they don't work well.. so everything is posted instead of attached~
no many like to go from site to site~^^;;

[Maia]

Sorry, hun, we still can't read any of it.
Like Nya-chan said, attachments don't work here, sadly enough.
But we weould love to see your work, so we hope you can post it for us soon.

[Orcraniil]

I would've liked to give it a read but... Yeah... It let me download it, but then I realized... I don't have Microsoft Word, so I have no way of viewing them. T.T

[Maia]

Oh that sucks.

[date_tsurugi]

Exactly D:
I can't seem to paste anything here...
Is there something like, extraordinary copypasting button >:?

[Maia]

Alright, basically, the easy way of doign it, is in the program you have your story running, highlight what you want copied, right click the highlighted section(s) and select copy. copy and then right click again in the post box and click paste. then it will automatically put it there so you can post it.

Edited by Maia, 29 August 2012 - 08:29 AM.

[date_tsurugi]

Yup. First post edited <3 ILU THANKS

[Maia]

~Smiles.~
You are quite welcome. <3

I think its good for the start of it.
Yes, there are errors, but thats alright, those can be read past.

[Frost]

Wow your post is legit it's got attachments and everything, first time I saw someone attach files.

And I laughed when you went: "MASTERPIECE YEEEEYYYYY" yea i know this has nothing to do with your stories lol, I do the same thing too when I finish writing something (for school) and every time I reread it I have this stupid grin on my face like it's the greatest thing I ever read so I count on other people to catch my mistakes.

Anyways on to your stories, I also noticed some mistakes but you still got your story across and that's what really matters :]. They both seem like pretty good intros, and they're both really different from each other too, which I think is pretty impressive: writing different genres I mean.

Edited by Frost, 31 August 2012 - 03:19 AM.

[Maia]

One of the things I like about one of them, is the fact that its kinda like its going into history, which is something that I havent seen yet.
I give it major props.

[Frost]

Ooh if Maia is giving it major props that's saying a lot.

[Maia]

Ooh if Maia is giving it major props that's saying a lot.

>O/////O<
Thank you.

[date_tsurugi]

Wooo thanks <3 ;D lol IKR frost, I KNOW SO WELL. TEEHEEE.
Bue then again, even if I show my friends, they would just say "what are you writing exactly?" ;________; QQ.

[Maia]

>.> You two flatter me. I don't know what I have done to get such praise, haha.

[Frost]

Well your story Dangerous, is one of the most popular stories here in The Writer's club right now, with over 220 replies and 13 follows! haha sounds like I'm promoting the book or something

You should definitely check it out date_tsurugi and many of the other stories too they're all really good.

And your friends are missing out then.

[Maia]

>OO< It is? Whaaaaa, I didn't know that! >O///O< Hee hee, it sound like you're doing that, and thats awesome, thank you! >^.^<

Frost is right, Date-san, they are missing out on good stories.

[Orcraniil]

But then again, even if I show my friends, they would just say "what are you writing exactly?" ;________; QQ.

I know dat feel.

[date_tsurugi]

Well your story Dangerous, is one of the most popular stories here in The Writer's club right now, with over 220 replies and 13 follows! haha sounds like I'm promoting the book or something

You should definitely check it out date_tsurugi and many of the other stories too they're all really good.

And your friends are missing out then.

Lol yeah XD. I'll check it out then~

>OO< It is? Whaaaaa, I didn't know that! >O///O< Hee hee, it sound like you're doing that, and thats awesome, thank you! >^.^<

Frost is right, Date-san, they are missing out on good stories.

=D =D =D

I know dat feel.

lol i know right, and there's this "BANG!" feeling there. Like, Q____________Q