9 replies to this topic

[Purple Library Guy]

So a doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician are chatting over drinks, and the conversation comes round to, should you marry or have a mistress? The doctor says you should marry. He says the research is clear, married people are healthier and live longer; a wife is the way to go.
But the lawyer disagrees. He says the legal ramifications of marriage are dangerous. More than half of marriages lead to divorce, and divorce settlements are incredibly messy and can bankrupt you. Better to just keep a mistress, with no strings attached.
So they look over at the mathematician. And he says, "Oh, you should have both."
They both goggle. "What?!"
"Well, yes. You see, if you are married, your wife will expect you to spend time with her at home, do errands and that sort of thing. And if you have a mistress, she will expect you to spend time with her, going on dates and so on. But if you have both, you can tell your mistress you have to be with your wife, and your wife will understand that you spend time with your mistress, and then you can go and do some mathematics."

[Kalladin]

Good Joke.

[Irecinius]

nice...

[danield21]

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and a statistician are all staying at a hotel.

In the middle of the night the engineer wakes up to find that his trashcan is on fire. He runs to the sink, fills his ice bucket with water and douses the flames. Then, just to be sure, he runs back to the sink, refills the bucket and dumps more water into the trashcan. With the fire out, he goes back to sleep.

A little while later, the trashcan in the physist's room spontaneously breaks into flame, waking the physicist. He whips out his slide rule, does some calculations, then runs to the sink, fills his bucket with exactly .75 liters of water, and douses the flames. Having put out the fire, he goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later, the mathematician wakes up to see that his trashcan is on fire. He whips out a piece of paper, scrawls out some equations, then goes back to sleep, comfortable that a solution exists.

Meanwhile, the statistician is running from room to room lighting trashcans on fire -- he needed more samples.

[Purple Library Guy]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are in window seats at a coffee shop, and they see two people enter the building across the street. Later, they see four people coming out.
The physicist grumbles, "Huh. Must have been a measurement error."
The biologist counters, "No, no. They reproduced."
And the mathematician muses, "You know, if two more people go in, it'll be empty."

[Partysan]

Nice, I didn't know the second one.


A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician sit in an ice cream parlour nect to a buststop with a small waiting booth.
While a group of 10 people are passing by it suddenly begins to rain and all 10 run into the booth to seek shelter. After a while the rain stops, and when the group leaves the booth there are eleven people.

The biologist remarks: "They must have procreated in there."

The physicist just means: "Oh well, 10% measuring tolerance is to be expected."

The mathematician adds: "If one person goes in, it's empty again."


EDIT: Geez, Purple Library Guy, you beat me by about 30 seconds, that's hardly fair.

Well, I suppose that means I'll have to provide a substitute.


A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a train to Glasgow. While looking out of the window they see a black sheep.

The physicist exclames: "Oh, so the sheep in Scotland are black!"

The biologist counters: "No, we just know there are also black sheep in Scotland."

The mathematicians protests: "No no, all we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland that for at least the three of us looks black on at least one side."

Edited by Partysan, 15 March 2012 - 05:14 PM.

[Purple Library Guy]

That's OK, I like your telling better. Better detail, and the numbering works better for measuring error.

[Irecinius]

The true question is 'Why do mathematicians aways hang out with biologist?!? haha'

[Purple Library Guy]

Here's a true science-nerd joke:
Two chemists are at a bar.
One says "I'll have a glass of H2O".
The other says "Really? I know we're chemists and all, but I don't think we have to be so technical when we're off the job. But I'll have a glass of water, too."
The first chemist broods quietly at the failure of his assassination plot.

[Partysan]

Heh. I did know the first one, but that follow-up was new to me.