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During my 3 years of high school I had 3 very good friends. We hit it off pretty early, I mean we were practically best friends by the end of the first week of school, it was so easy; we had the same sense of cheesy humor, shared the stupidest ideas and were just the same amount of awkward around girls. We made so many great memories in those 3 short years that I naturally thought we'd remain best friends throughout.
Nope. In the end the 4 of us had one more trait in common: none had the commitment to remain in contact, not a single one of us cared enough to put the fucking effort in. Fucking lazy to the core. And we just drifted apart, so easily, like those 3 years of friendship was nothing.
I'll refer to the 3 as M, N, and S.
M was the worst offender. I haven't heard from him since the last day of school. That night we went out for dinner together. And that was it. He didn't have any social media accounts, and his only phone number we were aware of would never connect through to him. He remains a ghost to this day.
I sent N messages on Facebook, like twice, asking him what's up. He replied an year later, keeping it super short. He said he was planning on joining a school as a teacher, made sense, he was one of the truest nerds I knew. This was around the time I myself got into Architecture school, so we wished each other the best and went back to being strangers. Almost. Last year we wished each other on our respective birthdays. Through Facebook of course.
S and I kept in contact the bare minimum, like, enough that you could call it keeping in contact. He would occasionally send me a message or I would to him. Like 2-3 a year. Or even less probably. I never realised it to be honest but looking back it feels nice having barely kept a friendship we used to cherish alive (afloat? whatever)
So, S contacted me last night at around 1 a.m. A brief message, the same familiar format.
His message [censored of course] :
@[Name of city]News: [Name of town], N (24) Teacher, [Name of school] passed away. Son of [Father’s name]. Details: [Contact info]
S:
Our N passed away
~1:16AM
Me:
No? Really?
When?
When and where is the funeral are you going?
I can come
S:
Dont know any details
I don't know his address.
I have the means to obtain it, yes. But I didn't try the contact number.
I didn't go to the funeral, assuming it's over.
I checked his Facebook profile. Still am. I've been refreshing it from when I got the news. There have been a total of 2 posts on his wall since. Probably his now close friends, co-teachers at his school from what I could tell [there were photos]
I didn't post on his wall.
To this moment I don't even know HOW he passed away.
I'm scared. And I feel like I'm irrelevant to be honest, after 5 years of being practically strangers, I wonder if I am even allowed to be in the ending of his story.
I feel like shit, not sure how much of this is actual sorrow from the loss of someone I used to know, and how much from not being able to save our friendship, being a lousy ass "friend".
I wonder if M knows about this. Is he even alive? He could've died in an accident that night in 2012 and I wouldn't know.
And that's it.
I had to write this down. At least as my last tribute to my friend. I don't have the balls to post this -or anything for that matter- on his wall.
I'm sorry for the 4 of us. For having grown so far apart that even showing up at another's funeral is a scary concept.
Hope M and S wherever ever they are live out the rest of their lives happily. And I sincerely hope they can save the relationships they cherish moving forward.
As for me, there's no running from who I am. I'll be the dreamer I've always been. Playing out the most beautiful scenarios in my head while never putting in the effort to realise them.
So, yes. If the 4 of us can ever get together again, somehow, somewhere, just to talk over a dinner and relive our memories from high school. That would be the nicest ending to our story. Or maybe even a new beginning.
Edited by DarkPrince, 01 April 2019 - 02:14 PM.
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