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#1
Exlander

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I was bored and decided to see if i could write something even remotely interesting :/ 
 
open to all  feedback, advice and questions!  thanks!

 

Used stellar transformations as a base
 
 
Prologue/setting and chapter 1:

Spoiler

Edited by Korexe, 26 October 2014 - 05:12 PM.

Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.

 

2j124o3.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 


#2
UltimaLuminaire

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I know this is a topic form October, but if you still want feedback, I can offer it (I got back home recently, so I've been out of the loop). Before that, though, I should probably get a few questions out of the way.

  1. What's stellar transformations?
  2. What personally interests you? To clarify, I'm talking about themes. Things like loyalty, ambition, or freedom?
  3. Should I go all out or do you want me to take it easy on you?

It's already November, so I understand if this is already dead to you. If so, thank you for your time reading this post anyway and I wish you success in future writing endeavors.


Edited by UltimaLuminaire, 14 November 2014 - 12:30 PM.


#3
Emerald39

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It's a very nice piece; you can feel the emotion and the tension within the moment, and the character has qualities that can be developed further if continued. I love when people write these kinds of things; it reminds me of the reason I write novels: simply for writing's sake. 



#4
qecomedi

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It is quite well-written, even it can be said quite well. But there are some mistakes and how to fix them you can find out on https://writtinggeek.blogspot.com or on similar resources.