Yume Nikki

And she suddenly goes ax crazy for almost no reason.

Awesome.

I have to admit, that was pretty intense.

Shit got real. Sweet.

 

As for the translation matter, I must note that it's nice to see that whatever bad English there is, it does not really retain traces from Japanese sentence structure. That's nice. Still, best case scenario would be if you can find some native speaker edit it out a little for you. Only if you have a friend who can do it for you, getting a random anon would simply be annoying, I guess...

You cannot run, you cannot escape, you cannot awaken from this mad world but the constant agonizing bloodcurdling noise in its place.... ああああああああああああ inching towards you, face twisted in a crooked smile.

Who would have thought that Uboa was such a bully?

Woah, plot's afoot.

First of all, don't worry about upsetting me. When I asked, I did so because I know the translation is far from perfect, and I want to get better at it. English is not my first language, and I'm always asking for advice, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to write all that.

 

About the flow, I understand what you mean. I think that a good translation conveys the meaning while making it feel it as natural as the original (if it feels unnatural in the original, so should the translation). Of course, I'm not saying that this is the case for this manga. I'm just saying that I mostly agree with you. The main issue may be that I, when translating from Japanese, I end up using expressions and words that work with my mother language (Spanish), but they may not work so well in English.

 

As for the typesetting, I also do it myself (I actually do everything), so feel free to add any comments. Critics are what make us improve, after all.

 

I'll try to have in mind everything you said, and as I've said, feel free to add anything.

For one, I commend you for translating in both languages.

Goddamn, Poniko is so cute!

 

Also, I'm eagerly waiting for the incoming Uboooaaaaああああああああああああ

If you'd like some suggestions for what font to use for "regular talking", I'd suggest either Wild Words (the most common one), Anime Ace or DigitalStrip. There are a few others that are common among scanlators, but those (and particularly Wild Words) are the most prominent.

Well, my main point would be that the dialogue she's using isn't quite how it would flow in real life. It's somewhat... (allow me to cut it here so it doesn't take all the page).

First of all, don't worry about upsetting me. When I asked, I did so because I know the translation is far from perfect, and I want to get better at it. English is not my first language, and I'm always asking for advice, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to write all that.

 

About the flow, I understand what you mean. I think that a good translation conveys the meaning while making it feel it as natural as the original (if it feels unnatural in the original, so should the translation). Of course, I'm not saying that this is the case for this manga. I'm just saying that I mostly agree with you. The main issue may be that I, when translating from Japanese, I end up using expressions and words that work with my mother language (Spanish), but they may not work so well in English.

 

As for the typesetting, I also do it myself (I actually do everything), so feel free to add any comments. Critics are what make us improve, after all.

 

I'll try to have in mind everything you said, and as I've said, feel free to add anything.

What do you mean stilted literal translations? Can you give me an example, please? Because I really don't want that to be the feeling people get from the translation.

Well, my main point would be that the dialogue she's using isn't quite how it would flow in real life. It's somewhat difficult to pinpoint, but if we take this from the first chapter, as an example:


Imagine a teenage girl, in an alien world, as a tall woman with a distorted bird-like face suddenly start spurting against her; I disbelieve that the first thing out of her mouth would be "It was useless". I don't know what the original line was (probably "muri desu" or something like it, considering the translation), but for the regular expression in this situation, she would probably be saying something like "Damn, she saw me!" or maybe just "Aw, crap!". Certainly, it's not an exact translation of the original text, but it carries the approximate same meaning and sounds a lot better in the language it's being translated into.

There's also quite a bit of stock translations, particularly what I'd like to call "pre-sentences" (I have no idea what they might actually be called). It's what's put in the beginning of a sentence before beginning the actual sentence, separated with a comma, usually used to change the subject. Examples include:
At any rate,
For now,
With this,
For the time being,
More importantly,
and more stuff like that. They convey the message appropriately, but they would rarely be used as often in regular conversation as they're used in manga translations. Like on page 13 in chapter 1, bubble 7: "For the time being, let's walk." It would sound a lot better if you'd modify it a little bit into something she's more likely to say, like "I'll walk for a bit and see" or "Maybe I should walk around for a bit". Again, it's not a 100% correct translation, but the flow is vastly improved, and people will focus more on the story rather than the translated text.

I'm sorry if I came off as a dick with my previous comment; I sometimes tend to blurt out stuff I regret later on. I'm also quite a bit more nitpicky than many other people, and certainly, people have different opinions about what they like to see in a translation - some prefer a good flow to keep the story uninterrupted, like me, and some prefer text accuracy to retain the original text as much as possible, even though sometimes it can sound a bit awkward.

I also have a little bit of a beef with the text layout in the bubbles, but that's an entirely different matter altogether, so I won't start whining about it. ^^ (I would recommend the typesetter to change the main font, though, because in the current font, the hyphens look a lot like underscores.)

Sorry if I upset you; and please don't let what I said discourage you. Instead, always strive for improvement.

Can't wait till she flips the switch.

Seriously, wow.....http://img.batoto.net/comics/2013/09/20/y/read523c7114424b9/img000016.png

UBOA INCOMING

 

RUN TO THE HILLS

I thought the name sounded familiar. Interesting to see an adaptation of the game!

What do you mean stilted literal translations? Can you give me an example, please? Because I really don't want that to be the feeling people get from the translation.

every one has their own point of wiew

 

in my case, I can gladly say that I enjoy the manga, keep the good work (^-^ /)

I do like the illustrations of the various creatures and effects, but the dialogue sorta kills a bit of the setting. The stilted, literal translations aren't quite helping, either.

What do you mean stilted literal translations? Can you give me an example, please? Because I really don't want that to be the feeling people get from the translation.

I do like the illustrations of the various creatures and effects, but the dialogue sorta kills a bit of the setting. The stilted, literal translations aren't quite helping, either.

requesting a version with all the dialogue removed pls

The atmosphere of this manga gets to me but then again, that's why I like it :3

Meh. I don't feel like a manga can adapt the same feeling as Yume Nikki, it's just too bizarre and it's presented in a way that I don't think could work in any media other than maybe an anime. 

 

Whatever though, with this narrative I'm really curious how it'll adapt the ending.

I thought it was her mouth

 

But it actually her nose

 

:lmao:

She has no mouth and she must dream

Why would the only two mangas with nikki on it that I've read are both depressing and amazing at the same time.

When I batted my eyes at the title I said "Yet another Mirai Nikki spin-off huh?" and continued looking at the new releases, and when I came back and saw the title properly I found myself wondering how this can even be a thing. Another Mirai Nikki spin-off would make more sense than this. and yet, here we have the manga adaptation of Yume Nikki. Maybe I should get around to finally playing it, but I treasure what little remains of my sanity. Perhaps during summer vacation.

Thanks for the update.