Almier

Ah, c'mon.  This Rose person was really supposed to believe that the kid would quietly stick around and do what he was told?  How dumb would you have to be not to expect that bed to be empty?  If this is the quality of the good guys' operatives, methinks they've gotten used to relying on their powers so much they've forgotten how to use their brains.

The characters interactions seems good, although the stuff about the watch was out of place and useless. A joke would have been better instead that scene.

What?  Obviously the toughs are about to try to steal or extort the watch, which he will be extremely reluctant to allow because of its sentimental value/his feeling of being responsible to his parents for it.  That stuff was just setting up that conflict, has to be done.

The characters interactions seems good, although the stuff about the watch was out of place and useless. A joke would have been better instead that scene.

The lore and characters. Theres a ton of useless information (do we really need to know their nationalities?) being dumped on the reader and then theres even more information thats hinted out but not (yet?) explained.

Ah yes, this is a comon feedback we've received... we aim to rectify this moving forwards. We hope you can stick with it long enough to see us improve. Thanks.

 may I ask what is meant by that?

The lore and characters. Theres a ton of useless information (do we really need to know their nationalities?) being dumped on the reader and then theres even more information thats hinted out but not (yet?) explained.

Seems like the writers look this place over sometimes and are interested in feedback.  So I'll give a bit more in-depth reaction than I usually might.  Let's see . . .

Basically, it seems very "X-men". 

Spoiler

You got your special-different-people-with-powers, aka mutants, that there's fear and prejudice against.  You got your good-guy organization trying to help them out and do good-guy things.  You got your evil mutants organization probably trying to Take Over The World.  You got your normal people politicians trying to mess the mutants around and planning police state measures and research into counterweapons, all of which will no doubt get out of control.  I predict that

Spoiler

that white dude politico will either betray the secretary general so he can do all the crazy shit she won't let him do, or as the situation gets bad she'll end up letting him do it, or some combination.

Nothing wrong with that.  The basic "X-men" dynamic has a lot of serious themes to explore, no reason people can't go back to that well.  The question is whether this series will make that stuff its own, either by adding some new different stuff or by bringing a different sensibility, different . . . personality, to the whole deal.  I'm still unclear on that so far.  It could still end up very cool or very forgettable.

 

Characters for the most part haven't made much impression on me, with maybe one exception.  But that's not surprising--it's an ensemble cast and we're only four chapters in, no single character has had room for any real development.  Most character intros have maybe lacked something, though.  I have little impression what makes most of them tick, beyond generic niceness.  The airheaded dimwit hero guy is basically just a walking excuse for exposition because they can explain shit to him that everyone already knows, and yet he actually feels more like a person than some of the others.  Still, as I say, they haven't had much chance to be fleshed out.

 

I think there's been a little too much big blobs of exposition about how the powers work.  It's kind of heavy-handed, kind of stagey, and some of it comes off a little pretentious.  Science fiction has long had a bag of tricks for slipping in the things you need to know while avoiding the dreaded "expository lump"; this could profit from some of those.  And really, there was no need to go into it so heavily so fast.  Some people have powers; readers are used to that idea, they can work with it fine while the relevant details start to surface gradually.

As to the specifics of how the powers work . . . well, genetic mutation ain't nearly as mysterious as it was back when the X-men first came along, so it's good to use something different.  I kind of like the distinction between the physical ones and the dreamers.  I find myself raising my eyebrow about the "soul" stuff--how do they know it's the soul?  Isn't that basically just the same as saying "We don't know how it works"?  Finally, I'm a little worried about the mechanism for "dreamer" powers manifesting.  It's limiting, and would tend to restrict the powers most of the time to relatively boring stuff.  What I'm getting at here is that the powers are a reaction to major, immediate crisis, so they will normally be the kind of thing that would be top of mind in terms of dealing with such crisis.  I'm surprised there's even a guy with illusion powers, for instance--while that actually would be useful in some crises, is it what most people would instinctively reach for when they're in trouble?  More subtle powers generally seem unsuited for the "origin story" we've been told about Dreamer powers in general.  On the other hand, given the nature of a lot of serious crises in modern times in a city, I'd be interested to see some Dreamers with the ability to cause unlimited money to spit out of an ATM, or to create valid credit cards out of thin air.  I'm not even talking about due to greed, just trying to take care of loved ones when there's no money for food or heat or shelter.

 

I have no problems with the art.  I'm not much of an art critic and I'm fine with various different styles, so I don't really get what people are grumbling about. 

 

I like the multi-racial aspect, the way it handles a more realistic mix than usual both in London and out in the world.  So far my favourite character is that one schoolboy.  He's a good lad.  I hope we see more of him.  Maybe it's because unlike everyone else, I've seen him rising to a challenge, facing fear.  Aside from the big lumps of exposition, the pacing has been pretty good.  Dialogue is uneven, but pretty good when, to beat that horse one more time, the exposition isn't making it look a bit fake.  Occasionally it's not even exposition as such--take the bank robbery at the beginning.  How many times did people have to say "Have you heard the news about the robbery?  No, what happened?  Well, bla da blah!"--the audience all just finished reading the bank robbery happening, we bloody know already, hearing about it again and again wastes time and is boring.  If you have to have those conversations, try to pull tricks like coming into the middle so you can catch a quick reference and then just add whatever they're saying about it that's new.

Overall, I think this has potential, but it hasn't fully shown it yet.

Thank you for this in depth feedback, you've mentioned a lot interesting points, that we'll be taking into consideration as we move forwards.

Seems like the writers look this place over sometimes and are interested in feedback.  So I'll give a bit more in-depth reaction than I usually might.  Let's see . . .

Basically, it seems very "X-men". 

Overall, I think this has potential, but it hasn't fully shown it yet.

I really like the concept at the moment, it's just that....I don't know, I can't seem to get into the story or the characters, and when I read it I always feel so detached and uninterested.

I really like stories about super powers and users, and the art is quite good, but right now everything is pretty loose and it's not grabbing me in...or maybe it's just me ^^;

Thick and dense.

 may I ask what is meant by that?

Thick and dense.

The art is good, the story is not new but has great potential, and your comic may become really good, keep up the good work.

They are from London so...

My (not so) humble opinion:
I have feeling that i'm reading american cartoon made into mangalike comic. A\nd i don't like it. It's done properly, nicely drawn, good typesetting but story is just... i don't know? Childish? Immature? Like Airbender or Witch. Of course it's not bad, but it's probably reason for such low rating.
 

Hi Racky

Keep up with the story, next issue comes out next month. We hope to change your mind about it.

Aaand kinda late again for the response. How far are you ahead with the chapters ? If you have plenty of them, you can try doing weekly uploads, you will get some more subscribers this way. If you are having your own website, like just post it in the info of the comic. Always good to have original source.


Oh, and keep up the good work.

Hi again Ku4eto

Thanks for the advice. Will be sure to do that.

As for putting the chapters up weekly, we can't do that because we're not that far ahead and also because we cannot produce chapters that fast, we're independent and unfortunately not as efficient as Jump yet ... this is why we've elected to put them out monthly.

Some of the japanese mangas have employed more western approach and they were quite successful. This has more japanese look than american, although it still has it.

I think that Delphi wrote everything that should be said about "japanese look". Also, i've never said that it was bad, it's just that it's obviously western work, no matter how you look at it.

They are from London so...

My (not so) humble opinion:
I have feeling that i'm reading american cartoon made into mangalike comic. A\nd i don't like it. It's done properly, nicely drawn, good typesetting but story is just... i don't know? Childish? Immature? Like Airbender or Witch. Of course it's not bad, but it's probably reason for such low rating.
 

I have firstly started with japanese anime, then moved into the manga as well, then started reading korean manhwa + some chineese manhua. Aand then watched Avatar : The legend of Korra. The amount of difference between the art is huge. But is alos very much dependant on the author/artist. Some of the japanese mangas have employed more western approach and they were quite successful. This has more japanese look than american, although it still has it. Have you seen Freaks Squele and Dreamland ? Both are available here on Batoto and are from french authors. The art is really different, but it is western style, and it doesn't do any bad to the comics, since both are really popular.

Very exposition heavy, and the banter feels really false and cheesy, But I'm willing to keep giving this a chance.

One thing I notice about the art style, and this is something I see in most manga-style western comics, is the heavy reliance on screentones over pen and ink shading. Maybe it's just that we're used to western comics being in full color, but it seems whenever a western artist tries to imitate the manga style they'll have very insubstantial lineart and overuse screentones, especially for backgrounds and environments. This is just a pet peeve of mine about western manga because it kind of shows that their focus is on the shape of the style they're imitating and not its substance.

Good job as well. I like how you are using the way british talk. Maybe you have done your research I also like the art, for a self published, this is on whole another level.

They are from London so...

My (not so) humble opinion:
I have feeling that i'm reading american cartoon made into mangalike comic. A\nd i don't like it. It's done properly, nicely drawn, good typesetting but story is just... i don't know? Childish? Immature? Like Airbender or Witch. Of course it's not bad, but it's probably reason for such low rating.
 

Thanks  

Aaand kinda late again for the response. How far are you ahead with the chapters ? If you have plenty of them, you can try doing weekly uploads, you will get some more subscribers this way. If you are having your own website, like just post it in the info of the comic. Always good to have original source.


Oh, and keep up the good work.

Sorry, kinda didn't notice this, did not followed again after 2-3 of no response .

Anyway, seems like you got it fixed by yourself. You can also upload chapter 2 now.
Good job as well. I like how you are using the way british talk. Maybe you have done your research I also like the art, for a self published, this is on whole another level.

Thanks  

Hi guys, first of all i want to say a great big thank you to all of you for taking an interest in my work... I am so very sorry about the confusion in the upload... i have requested for this chapter to be deleted and then I will start again... loool please bare with me. This is my first time ever using batoto and as you can see i'm pretty rubbish at it.

 

I can't express how happy i am to see people taking an interest in it, even if you're commenting to criticise the work we are happy to hear from you. I will read every comment and consider the feedback carefully because only through that can we improve our work.

 

So first of all, @ku4eto you said several of the bubble got doubled text, can you explain what you mean by this. I would really like our team to have a look at the matter and see if we can fix it.

 

Secondly @VawX you think it will be better categorized as other? does anyone else agree?

 

Much love

Hameed

Sorry, kinda didn't notice this, did not followed again after 2-3 of no response .

Anyway, seems like you got it fixed by yourself. You can also upload chapter 2 now.
Good job as well. I like how you are using the way british talk. Maybe you have done your research I also like the art, for a self published, this is on whole another level.

"Coppers is slang for police"

#DEAD!!!!

Why is this even here? I think this is in the wrong website...

There are few problems here : First the Chapter says CHAPTER 2 : CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, while this one is listed as Ch.1 Hero. Also, several of the bubbles got doubled text.

Chapter 1 said its chapter 2

Hmmm

wait.. is this really manga mmm...~?
isn't this more like Reon Merryweather work and be categorized "other" mmm...~?

 

http://vatoto.com/comic/_/sp/magnolia-online-r12180

Hi guys, first of all i want to say a great big thank you to all of you for taking an interest in my work... I am so very sorry about the confusion in the upload... i have requested for this chapter to be deleted and then I will start again... loool please bare with me. This is my first time ever using batoto and as you can see i'm pretty rubbish at it.

I can't express how happy i am to see people taking an interest in it, even if you're commenting to criticise the work we are happy to hear from you. I will read every comment and consider the feedback carefully because only through that can we improve our work.

So first of all, @ku4eto you said several of the bubble got doubled text, can you explain what you mean by this. I would really like our team to have a look at the matter and see if we can fix it.

Secondly @VawX you think it will be better categorized as other? does anyone else agree?

Much love

Hameed

There are few problems here : First the Chapter says CHAPTER 2 : CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, while this one is listed as Ch.1 Hero. Also, several of the bubbles got doubled text.

Sorry like i said i messed up the uploading... is it possible to fix it at all and actually upload the real chapter 1?

If so does anyone know how?

Batoto is perfectly fine with self published works being put on it, evidence being that i've seen staff say so on other works like this. secondarily despite my confusi9on on what counts as chapter one or two this is really nice looking for self published stuff

Sorry guys this was put on a delayed timer... chapter 2 wasn't supposed to come out yet i messed up the uploading

Batoto is perfectly fine with self published works being put on it, evidence being that i've seen staff say so on other works like this. secondarily despite my confusi9on on what counts as chapter one or two this is really nice looking for self published stuff

Yes, for a self published manga, this actually has the best quality i have seen here. All others were horrible...