Honeymoon Salad

[spoiler] What makes the manga work for me is the author's exploration of personality. What kinds of people would be drawn to a polyamorous relationship? Most of us, when placed in Ichika's position, would reject Youko as an interloper and try to seal the deal with Minori. I think the keys to getting Ichika's perspective are as follows:

1) First is her persistent sense of worthlessness. We know from volume one that she blames herself for ex-boyfriend's aggression, that she's internalized his physical violence as self-hatred. She says that she doesn't deserve happiness, and in fact, is repelled by men who claim to love her. She's drawn to indifferent men (as Minori's boss observes), and she says she's more comfortable being the pursuer in a one-sided relationship. We need to understand that her preference for pursuit is not because she's an innately active person, but because chasing after someone who spurns her confirms her belief that she's unlovable. It might be painful, but at least the pain is familiar.

When the people in her life flip the script, she gets confused and frightened and runs away. Remember that the last straw with her ex-boyfriend came when he tearfully begged her for forgiveness (when he flipped and started to pursue her), and when Minori impulsively proposes marriage, she balks at the last minute and pushes him away. The fear of ambiguity she describes in the final chapter is a fear that Minori's proposal might be sullied by a sense of obligation or necessity. I think she wants his proposal to come from a place of absolute love. This is why she says that she's able to identify with Minori's boss's girlfriend (the woman who refused an offer of marriage her partner had made merely because she'd become pregnant). Most of us, I think, can accept the reality that the motives of others are often impure and mixed with self-interest. Ichika can't in this case, because she's afraid that the slightest shred of ambiguity would allow her feelings of self-hatred to take over (if she went through with the marriage, a voice in her head would constantly be questioning the sincerity of Minori's vows, she'd constantly be telling herself that he doesn't really love her, but that he did it out of a mistaken sense of duty because he's too gentle).

She's drawn to Minori's kindness and struggles throughout the story with her own sense of inadequacy, but in the end cannot overcome it.

2) Second is the scene where she breaks down in tears after Youko moves out - she says something to the effect that she "needs" her to be around for the triad to work. In a later scene, she and Minori both admit to themselves that there's something admirable about Youko's forward momentum. Youko's literary career is on the ascent, and for Ichika there's a certain pleasure in watching over her like a parent. I think what we're supposed to take from this scene is Ichika's desire to live vicariously through Youko. This is why she constantly praises Minori and Youko for looking like a perfect couple. In her eyes, they are a kind of idealized couple, and she's able to project herself onto Youko and enjoy her imagined happiness vicariously. The thought that she, Ichika, might be deserving of ordinary happiness herself is such a forbidden notion, that this is the only way she's able to feel romantic attraction. Letting Youko be the bride is an act of generosity and love towards her, but also a reflection of Ichika's underlying fear and a willingness to step back and live through her [spoiler].

I felt a ton stronger for Youko and Minori at the end than throughout for Ichika & Minori, Perhaps preference or maybe the author just positioned their romance in that way t0 create an intensity rivaling each other's relationship.

I think they are great as three people living together. They all kinda complement each other in various ways. I wonder what really pushed Ichika to give up on the wedding at the last minute, or if she was planning it out from the start to push Youko into filling her role, or if she'd decided that the moment she got back from her parents and saw Youko so unusually ecstatic. I really wish the ending would have at least talked with her a bit after finding her at the end, instead of leaving Ichika's last words as the note she attached to the flowers. She definitely is a weird character and I liked her a lot, but I actually am quite glad that Youko got to marry him at the end.