Yi Chui Wu Yue Tiao Man Ji

Qi Nianwu joined the Beggar’s Sect and started working for the Secret Society* at around the same time.

The Beggar’s Sect was well informed, and its members roamed freely without a care in the world. She spent most of her time traveling and making records of what she witnessed, and as such, she knew much of the gossip about famous people in the martial arts world.

As a newbie she was passionate and had a sense of justice, yet she wasn’t able to save her neighbour and her family. Thankfully, Shi Yizhen passed by when visiting the area, uncovered the truth behind everything and cleared the family’s name.

Shi Yizhen’s first impression of Qi Nianwu came about when he was investigating this case. He discovered that an old corrupt official got pissed off because he was beaten up by Qi Nianwu for his deeds. The old official set fire to Qi Nianwu’s neighbours’ home while disguising it as an accident. He then abducted their eldest daughter whom he had his eye on. Shi Yizhen concluded that you shouldn’t mess with the women from the Beggars’ Sect.

In <Lofty Mountains, Flowing Waters>, Qi Nianwu’s heroic heart was something that Shi Yizhen was thankful for and also found to be admirable. He also reflected that his arbitrary judgments about her were wrong.

Later, when she pinned him down in bed and kissed him, he thought again that it was wrong of him to criticize himself for arbitrarily making judgments about people…

Many of his epiphanies came about when Qi Nianwu had him pinned on the bed while doing all kinds of things to him. For example, it’s bad to make arbitrary judgments and one should reflect on oneself every day**.

Qi Nianwu: “You reflect upon yourself every time we fuck***. I get that you’re scholarly, but do it when we’re done, don’t get distracted now.

At times like these, Shi Yizhen just wants to hang himself…

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Before they slept together, Qi Nianwu visited the Long Song Sect every year, to look in on that little girl whose family she inadvertently caused the deaths of. At the same time, she’d sneak peeks at Yizhen.

Yizhen’s swordsmanship was a little better than his skills at playing the zither; he had a wide variety of interests and often got beaten up by his father for collecting story books****.

Through multiple beatings, his father developed a special Triple Book-Throwing Skill which could hit Yizhen’s forehead from anywhere within a 30 foot radius.

His mother died a while back. He was only allowed to use the zither she left behind after he turned twenty.

Qi Nianwu watched Yizhen from afar from when he was nineteen till he turned twenty-five. With time, the flirty trash out there could no longer pique her interest. Qi Nianwu: “Anyway, there’s no one flirtier than me. Yizhen is still the best.”

“Bright as the moon on high, how can I bring it down?”***** Shi Yizhen was standing beneath the plum tree, explaining this poem to Xiao-Mei. Cao Cao expresses both admiration and desire in one line, he explained…

Qi Nianwu: “This poem suits me well. This Cao Cao’s poetry is pretty decent”.

Cao Cao: “Thanks.”

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Shi Yizhen’s father was rather conservative when it came to education, so his son became a little conservative too. However, his grandfather took the cake for being an unparalleled ultra-conservative.

Mr. Ultra-conservative felt that it was one thing for his daughter-in-law to be good with the zither, another to be good in martial arts too. To top things off, she was once a female swordswoman. She had ties with people in the martial arts world, both male and female. In fact, there were more men than women among them. Since there were more men, it went to show that the martial arts world was no place for a woman. And unsavory rumors abounded when people in the martial arts world interacted with each other.

The gossipy women in the family surrounded him and went on and on about his daughter-in-law’s checkered past. They even dug out all kinds of clues from each of the rumours, saying that her zither was made by so and so, so he must have been smitten by her or that she won her sword in a martial arts contest, so she must have used her beauty to win. A woman should just live simply, following her husband and raising children…

Before they could finish listing all her faults, the daughter-in-law fell ill and died. Meanwhile, the son already had his feet on a chair and his head in a white noose made from bed linen.

The Gossipy Women: “This daughter-in-law is a jinx to her husband…”

Thanks to his father, Yizhen learnt the 108 ways to make a noose using bed linen. He even took a step further and pioneered a way to incorporate lucky knots in the noose. When his father saw that, he finally calmed down and stopped seeking death.

His grandfather felt just a wee bit guilty (but really just a wee bit), so he stopped saying things about Yizhen’s mother.

Yizhen’s father told him: “Your mother was a good woman. She righted many wrongs and exposed many evils as a member of the Heavenly Way******.”

And so, Shi Yizhen joined the Heavenly Way.

Shi Yizhen’s view of love was the same as his father’s; love one for all of eternity, never to part.

In reality this mantra is difficult to achieve. The first part depended on fate and the second depended on who lived longer.

It relied too much on Heaven’s will.

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As Qi Nianwu didn’t fancy fighting head on with fate, she felt that this would be a deep love with shallow fate.

Sometimes she felt that she should just knock the lights out of Yizhen, bed him under that plum tree, then leave, never to see him again.

However, she looked through the records of the gossip that her colleagues collected. This included the details of countless experiences of many heroes and heroines…In the records, it noted that knocking someone out doesn’t work; neither does getting them dead drunk.

Qi Nianwu: “Yizhen is the bright moon in the sky that I can’t have; Cao Cao understands me well.”

Cao Cao: “No I don’t….”

======================

Yizhen’s lifelong wish was to open a small school. He saved up for a long time, traveled to Taiyuan, rented a small place and took in some children as his students. At the same time, he continued his investigative work for the Heavenly Way.

Not long after, the An Lushan rebellion happened and Taiyuan was wrapped up in the chaos. At this time, Qu Xiaoxiao came, so he entrusted the school to her while he made a trip back to Long Song Sect.

When he got back, he found that the children had turned the school into the film set for the Warriors of the Nine Heavens*******.

Qi Nianwu too, was asked by Qiubao to help look after the school while he went to look for Xiaoxiao in Suiyang (this happened in the Mountains and Rivers Arc).

She found this to be a godsent opportunity since there was a room and bed in the school. Surely there was a better chance of bedding Yizhen here than under that plum tree.

And so it turned out that she did find a chance. While she didn’t bed him, she stole a kiss.

Yizhen became less reserved when he drank a little and Qi Nianwu liked him even more for that.

=====================

Shi Yizhen misunderstood that something happened between them and blurted out that he wanted to make Qi Nianwu his wife. This was something she didn’t foresee.

It was true that she liked Yizhen, and it was also true that there was no one else in her eye, but sometimes talking about responsibility and love in the same breath was scary.

Responsibility’s an important thing; it wasn’t something you just talk about and don’t act on.

Yizhen said he wanted to take responsibility and this was the behaviour of a noble person, but this went against his view of loving just one person for life. Eventually, this would cause resentment to grow.

Qi Nianwu: “When the day comes that Yizhen gets tired of me, I’ll need to prevent myself from feeling too disappointed and leave graciously.”

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Later on, thanks to a comedy of errors, Yizhen ended up taking Sun Tuo’s Lian Hong Potion******** instead of its originally intended consumer, and Nianwu got her wish of bedding Yizhen.

When he woke up, Yizhen repeatedly tried to figure out what Nianwu was thinking. It’s not as if he didn’t understand her personality, so he (rightly) came to the conclusion that she did not intend to take responsibility towards him.

So he made a particularly pretty lucky knot with the bed linen, and then hanged himself.

Naturally, he’d peeped to make sure Nianwu was awake before he kicked away the chair beneath his feet.

Nianwu told him that on one hand, he sought a love that could withstand the test of time, but on the other hand he talked about marrying her after they slept together just once. If some random bitch slept with him, would that not mean that he had to marry her too? That would ruin his character setting.

Yizhen went into deep thought and before he could come to any conclusions, a random bitch appeared.

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The random bitch carried a jade flute with her, her hair brushed till it shined. She wore small pearl earrings and a silk flower in her hair. Her breasts, which were particularly big, looked extra big in the light coloured dress. She even wore a dark colored waistband to further emphasize her bust. Her breasts bounced to and fro as she walked…

Qi Nianwu touched her own chest and muttered to herself, “Fuck”.

Random woman: “Brother Yizhen, do you still remember me? Father was done in by you but I don’t blame you. However, I am already your woman, so I only ask that you take responsibility for the rest of my life!”

Qi Nianwu: “Congratulations to you two.”

Shi Yizhen slowly took out the white bed linen…

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The little bitch^ was the daughter of someone from Yizhen’s father’s hometown, and they had played together before when they were kids. Her father later got involved in bad things and was investigated by Yizhen. He was killed by his enemies while on his way to getting demoted.

Little bitch’s family was punished and their wealth and property confiscated. The girl who was once a lady well and truly became a “little bitch”. She remembered the times when she played the flute with Yizhen in their childhood and carried that old jade flute with her all the time, carrying that painful past with her.

This character setting left a deep impression on people and made her memorable.

Yizhen attended a banquet a while back where she was asked to perform. She said that Yizhen kept sneaking glances at her during the banquet and when he got drunk and was taken to a room to rest, they got involved with each other…

Random bitch: “Although I hate you for what you did to father, I do love you as well. Father was wrong, so he reaped what he sowed…”

Qi Nianwu: “Who knew that you weren’t a virgin anymore that night? And I thought I stole your first kiss…”

Shi YIzhen: “They drugged me with the Five Minerals Powder*******…I really can’t remember anything…”

Qi Nianwu: “So you want to marry her?”

Random bitch: “Brother Yizhen, you even taught me to play the flute when we were children.”

Qi Nianwu: “He actually doesn’t like the flute much so he usually doesn’t play it. You like it?”

Random girl: “Yes.”

Shi Yizhen was dying from embarrassment, but she didn’t notice and even went on to say that they were a match made in heaven.

Qi Nianwu: “She’s quite pitiful; a daughter paying for her father’s sins.”

Shi Yizhen: “The things her father did affected many people and his sins were many. If I didn’t report it there would have been more people affected. How do you assess the fact that she is shouldering this? I did nothing wrong, and she too is innocent. That’s all it is.”

Qi Nianwu: “Yeah.”

=================

Yizhen: “As expected, you’re not happy about this. Don’t worry, I don’t think I bedded her; let me clarify with the people at the banquet, the host and his maids.”

Nianwu: “How do you know I’m upset? When I get angry just one 18 Dragon Slaying Palms from me will have 10 people screaming in pain from beyond these walls.”

Yizhen: “Don’t be angry, I don’t even remember what she was like when she was a child anymore. It just feels fishy; her bust was never that big when she was a child.”

Nianwu: “You’ve lost your marbles.”

Yizhen: “I just wanted to cheer you up.”

Nianwu: “Silly.”

===========================

The next day, the streets were filled with rumors and Shi Yizhen was headline news. They said he forced himself on one of the mucisians during the banquet and was how turning her away even though she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him. He’d caused misfortune for her entire family in the past and now he was being cold to her.

Shi Yizhen’s grandfather got wind of this and his book-throwing skill leveled up instantly. Now he could home in on his forehead from an even further distance.

Qu Xiaoxiao sent her congratulations, asking how Nianwu was and for Nianwu to share the juicy details with her.

Shi Yizhen didn’t know how to deal with this mess, so he could only take her in and bring her to the school.

The first thing the little bitch did when she got to the school was to clear out the place where the kids used to play their royal harem game. She set up a screen and made it her area for playing the flute. The few neighbourhood hooligans that Nianwu tamed and made part of their Warrior Girls roleplay could no longer join in and play, so they got angry.

And then the hooligans decided to play a prank on the little bitch.

She immediately tried to complain to Yizhen saying that Nianwu was trying to get everyone to isolate her.

Yizhen: “Ah, you’re playing the harem game again? I already said I won’t join in. It’s unbecoming.”

Nianwu: “It’s no use complaining to him. Usually he plays the role of the guy who says stuff like ‘Oh no! Your Highness! Someone is eavesdropping! Ah! It’s Eunuch Yi!’. That way we only need him to walk past and we can give him a role.”

Yizhen: “I hand it to you for being able to force me to join in.”

==========================

Night came and the little bitch put on the dress that made her bust look the biggest. She tried to serve tea to Yizhen in his room.

Nianwu wasn’t there.

Little bitch drugged the tea and fooled Yizhen into drinking it. When she gave a signal, assassins appeared.

Little bitch: “I’m taking revenge for my father. You should pay with your life.”

Leaning on the wall outside, Nianwu said coldly, “Fuck you. Your father is a lowlife who’s still alive right now and pimping on the streets. You sold yourself to your boss to be an assassin and are willing to do anything. There’s much blood on your hands and your acting is pretty good.”

Little bitch: “Where did I give myself away?”

Nianwu: “You were flawless except you didn’t do a good job playing the flute. That song was played totally wrong.”

Little bitch: “But that was the song that Yizhen mentioned.”

Nianwu: “He hasn’t played that song for 19 years; naturally he can’t remember it well. That little girl is just a hazy memory for him and there’s no one in the world now who remembers how that song is played.”

Little bitch: “Whatever it is, you’ll both die here tonight. I know now. You’re part of the Secret Society. No wonder I couldn’t find out anything about you.”

Nianwu: “Are you gonna fight or not? I’ve had enough of your yappin’.”

Yizhen didn’t drink the tea and had already drawn the sword from his zither. There were questions in his heart, but that was not the time for it.

==============

The mastermind behind the whole case turned out to be a big fish and the matter was complicated. There was also evidence of his involvement with the rebels and it took more than ten members of the Heavenly Way to investigate before they got to the root of the matter.

Yizhen and Nianwu were surrounded by the assassins in Luoyang, his zither split into two and Nianwu seriously injured.

As Yizhen fled with Nianwu on his back, he thought “what if?”. So he asked Nianwu how that song should be played.

Nianwu told him, “I’m not that little girl. She is already dead and I buried her. She played it once for me before she died.”

Yizhen was half in doubt and asked her again, “That really wasn’t you?”.

Nianwu: “It wasn’t. I’m just someone from the Jianghu.”

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NOTES

*The Secret Society is perhaps the most secretive organization; no one knows when it was formed and its inner workings. Even many of its members don’t know what the organization is like. As members know know their direct superiors, they could be standing right next to another member and be completely unaware of it. The organization itself though, seems to know everything that’s going on in the world. Even if it was a battle where there were no survivors, the group can tell you what went on in the battle. (src: http://baike.baidu.com/item/%E9%9A%90%E5%85%83%E4%BC%9A)

**From the <Analects of Confucius>: “吾日三省吾身：为人谋而不忠乎？与朋友交而不信乎？传不习乎？” (Translation by Xu Yuanchong: 4.1: I ask myself, said Master Zeng, three questions every day. In dealing with others, have I not thought of their interests? In making friends, have my deeds not agreed with my words? In teaching students, have I not put into practice what I teach them?)

***In the original, Nianwu says: 日一次要三省吾身，我真果然君子，但总之日完再省，你现在先别走神。 It’s likely Ibuki was punning on 日ri, which can mean sun/day or slang for “fuck”.

****These are collections of stories told by storytellers in teahouses

*****明明如月，何时可掇？ (“Bright as the moon on high, how can I bring it down?” is a line from a famous poem by Cao Cao, the famous Chinese warlord from the Three Kingdoms period. The line refers to the constantly moving moon that doesn’t stop. He uses this to parallel his own quest for talent but that he could not have them all. Here, Qi Nianwu means to say that Yizhen is the moon she can’t have.

******The Heavenly Way is a group that investigates corruption and wrong-doing by officials and collects evidence of this to bring them to justice

*******Warriors of the Nine Heavens; it’s a (fictional) superhero girl group much like Sailormoon

********A potion given to Xiaoxiao to prevent bug bites. She gives it to Yizhen instead. When mixed with alchohol and taken by people with low alcohol tolerance it seems to become some kind of aphrodisiac

*********An aphrodisiac

^Little bitch (小婊砸)

发发和大魔王 Fa Fa and the Demon King, or Flower and the Demon King (one of the many names the series was known as)

*Fa= A cutesy way of saying “Hua” (花), which means flower. So it’s kinda like saying “Flowuh, flowuh”, whereby Flowuh/ Fafa is the nickname that Jx3 gamers use when referring to those from the Ten-thousand Flowers Sect.

**Demon King = nickname Jx3 Gamers use when referring to those from the Ashen Cloud Sect.

Legend: Youtube Link | Corresponding Batoto Link

I

Fa Fa and the Demon King: “Mn, I’ll protect you”

Fa Fa and the Demon King 1 | Ch.55: You Must Never Allow Others To Hack You Into Pieces!

Fa Fa and the Demon King 2 | Ch.45: Gotta Brush Up On Those Life Skills

Fa Fa and the Demon King 3 | Ch.57: Wanna Hug Me?

Fa Fa and the Demon King 4 | Ch.54: Don’t Chu Copy The Way I Speak & Ch.56: Pengpeng Vs Xiao Yan & Ch.61: Rock, Paper, Scissors!

Fa Fa and the Demon King 5 | Ch.58: Be Back Soon

Fa Fa and the Demon King 6 | Ch.60: Not What I Asked For

Fa Fa and the Demon King 7 |  Ch.64: An Honourable Mission For You

Fa Fa and the Demon King 8 | Ch.68: Eating Dumplings During Winter Solstice

Fa Fa and the Demon King 9 |  Ch.73: New Year’s Day Drabble

Fa Fa and the Demon King 10 | Ch.53: Side Story: Fangchi & Ch.91: Don’t Really Get You Adults(The Karaoke:Scarlet Sarilang Drabble tagged at the end begins at 7:34)

Fa Fa and the Demon King 11 |Ch.62: A Day In The Life of Sun Tuo & Ch.92: Open Wide(The Karaoke: Half Moon Serenade Drabble tagged at the end begins at 9:55)

Fa Fa and the Demon King 12 | Ch.88: 2v2 &  Ch.92: Open Wide

Fa Fa and the Demon King 13 | Ch.63: Chunhua Qiubao!

II

(The Breadth of the Han) Cannot Be Dived Across 1(14)  | Ch.65: Things Of The Past

(The Breadth of the Han) Cannot Be Dived Across 2 (15) | Ch.66: Sending A Gentleman Off

Bilibili only links:

*For Bilibili vids, remember to click on the speech bubble icon on the bottom right of the vid to turn off the floating comments~

[BLBL] (The Breadth of the Han) Cannot Be Dived Across 3(16) |  Ch.67: Reunion

[BLBL] Fa Fa and the Demon King (17) | Ch.74: Cut The Crap, Drink More Hot Water (1) & Ch.75: Cut The Crap, Drink More Hot Water (2)

[BLBL] Yizhen/Nianwu Side Story (18) | Ch.106: Side Story: Lofty Mountains, Flowing Waters (1)

[BLBL] Pengpeng’s dad saying: ” We meet again, young man. Eh? Why did I use the term ‘again’?”

[BLBL] Ch. 29: Horoscopes of the Major Sects 各大门派的星座 (The chapter’s untranslated though =v=; )